人們經常說我什麼都怯,什麼都不敢嘗試;710Please respect copyright.PENANAzM60w636oF
害怕面對新的環境,害怕結識新的朋友。710Please respect copyright.PENANA9Jg5povANm
我怕,只是為了保障自己和其他人不會受到傷害;710Please respect copyright.PENANAOhEoEYFxTS
哪怕我一下無意的舉動,都會殺個別人措手不及。710Please respect copyright.PENANAqQXGeTL477
亦有人說你都還未試過,你又怎會知道會否成功。710Please respect copyright.PENANAZBkoIz21Ss
但卻正是因為我嘗試過,才令我更加的怕;710Please respect copyright.PENANA302Z7fsvvp
更加的怕我會無意傷害到她,更加的怕別人不會接受到我。710Please respect copyright.PENANANRL63IebJG
那一次嘗試,就是我的初戀。
聽說,學校是戀愛的溫床。710Please respect copyright.PENANAMfnpEkcF0T
很多在學校談過戀愛的,後來都會大有發展。710Please respect copyright.PENANAJjAPMrivSQ
但唯獨我,因為初戀使戀愛成為禁忌。710Please respect copyright.PENANAlXpV89eFEp
那人是誰?一位由中一至中五的同班同學——婷。710Please respect copyright.PENANA7F29Rpkefl
我愛上她不只因為外表,而是她的性格。710Please respect copyright.PENANAHeQKL1SFu8
那是我或她遇到什麼不愉快或不開心的事情,都會跟他一起談心。710Please respect copyright.PENANA9byZZWt5y8
功課遇到什麼難題,我們都曾一同解決。710Please respect copyright.PENANAWRm6wfEiKJ
就是經過幾年初中生活的薰陶,我就漸漸愛上她。
終於,就在一次自修時,我跟她示愛。710Please respect copyright.PENANAKnvNEdJtJ1
她突然不知怎樣去反應,呆了一呆;710Please respect copyright.PENANARq10YSFp9U
然後就像答應我一般點了頭,但她的表情卻是不知所措。710Please respect copyright.PENANAjAprwe6XKk
那時的我就當作她默認了,便「唔」了一聲作回應。710Please respect copyright.PENANAciwSeKzTuG
她像沒聽到似的,繼續發呆沉思。710Please respect copyright.PENANA5p7s5LJolg
也許她還未準備好談戀愛,就被我二話不說的拉進了來。710Please respect copyright.PENANAHTdQl7mq5s
現在回想起來,還是覺得自己很過分。
雖然說我們在戀愛中,卻和平日沒兩樣。710Please respect copyright.PENANAAnazGIoMUN
照樣的談心事,同樣的溫習考試。710Please respect copyright.PENANAcP2SGfQF2h
那時的我卻覺得無比開心,以為這就是談戀愛。710Please respect copyright.PENANAMJcbyT8Cq6
還自以為得意的拖手,做些過分行為。710Please respect copyright.PENANARP3g6BKkLd
然而,原來她在我背後已另有其人。
一個下雨天,我照常地跟她一起放學。710Please respect copyright.PENANAhdiH6NPEmO
當我打算跟她拖手時,她突然停下了腳步;710Please respect copyright.PENANA6AfZiZn4qq
滿面愁容地跟我說:「不如⋯我哋分⋯⋯絕交啦?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAonbbt0bROE
我愕然地跟她說:「點解呀?⋯你係咪有啲心事屈係個心?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAtERmzOSJAd
「唔係啊唔關事啊⋯其實係因為你」710Please respect copyright.PENANABtv6DQDL8y
「我⋯?我做錯咗啲咩⋯⋯?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAQQpZuZ9RhJ
「我身邊啲朋友都笑我,笑同我個毒男一齊拍拖,仲同我講:『呢件咁嘅嘢你都啃得落?』」710Please respect copyright.PENANAw8mOLhKOrN
「佢哋講笑咋⋯⋯唔使理佢哋嘅⋯⋯」710Please respect copyright.PENANAj5XIIm17gL
「講笑?依家唔好話男朋友啦,我連其他男同學都識唔到個啊!都係因為你!」710Please respect copyright.PENANAcj86tuhQRn
「對對⋯⋯對唔住呀!我都唔想呀,我又唔知道⋯⋯」710Please respect copyright.PENANATpuAK5ZNEY
「夠啦!我唔想再聽到你講廢話!由今日開始我地再無任何關係!」710Please respect copyright.PENANAUwWsT8S13p
說完,她連同我的傘帶走;710Please respect copyright.PENANAtOqZaeoOUK
剩下我一個在路中心淋雨。
其後幾個月的晚上,我開始失眠。710Please respect copyright.PENANAyQ22yBTSe9
不是想我做錯了什麼,而是想我一直以來到底傷害了多少人。710Please respect copyright.PENANAqOjZo6cXHm
結果用了好幾個月的晚上,都想不透。710Please respect copyright.PENANASieihBtIxS
不知道傷害了多少人,更不知道怎樣才能避免。710Please respect copyright.PENANAmd9JBCXbVz
於是我就只懂得怯,希望能夠逃避問題。710Please respect copyright.PENANAopb6bk97iX
缺少了婷的交心,我變得更加迷惘。710Please respect copyright.PENANA9HalIpZddW
於是,我利用那唯一的途徑交心——互聯網。
跟婷絕交後,我的成績一落千丈。710Please respect copyright.PENANAwAYdBr6Lxd
學校裏朋友亦不多,做什麼事也不太成功。710Please respect copyright.PENANApZ1oBF5Psl
於是我決定在網上交友,至少也能交到個知心好友。710Please respect copyright.PENANAG5IK8tbGbW
中五那年,我就應識了另一個她——Peggy。710Please respect copyright.PENANAyb35KyIK61
初時,只是在一個交友群組裏面認識。710Please respect copyright.PENANAcPthyPtIgT
慢慢發現大家有共同興趣,便開始聊起個人心事。710Please respect copyright.PENANAz1Qxlb5coZ
就是這樣,一段網戀開始了。
由於雙方都沒有自己樣子的頭像,所以大家只能從文字中瞭解對方的性格。710Please respect copyright.PENANAMXajQzloif
正就是這樣,我們談開始戀愛。710Please respect copyright.PENANAokCqPDXJFB
不止在Facebook中互加對方作情侶,還一起玩些網路遊戲。710Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ggjr6twoz
大家還試過互傳一些肉麻對話,就像喝醉一般。710Please respect copyright.PENANA6HDdjL62To
我和她還通過無數次電話,就像我們是真正的伴侶一般。710Please respect copyright.PENANA4QOVg0AvAx
問過大家的出生日期,知道大家的童年經歷。710Please respect copyright.PENANAJRChpo86b2
見不到對方的真面目,反而才令我更加安心。
但直到有一天,她要求我去一次約會。710Please respect copyright.PENANASFa1euV8jD
她說,經過這麼多年,很想跟我去一次約會。710Please respect copyright.PENANAeNQ3oemEaQ
「我都付出左我嘅初戀俾你,你可唔可以陪我出一次街咁簡單?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAtmP2Z03Qmi
「我真的真的很想看見你的真面目」710Please respect copyright.PENANABx7EtUe4Tb
「點解次次我話想約你,你都同我講你唔得閑?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAKNezQB4KT4
我真的答不了她,唯有每次都說我很忙碌。710Please respect copyright.PENANAX5srkckZqH
我很害怕,很怕我又會傷害多一次別人。710Please respect copyright.PENANAZGnshhfzeq
要到底怎樣,才能避免這浩劫?710Please respect copyright.PENANAyYk5LhuLjL
難道要蒙着面出外?又不是參與什麼遊行示威。710Please respect copyright.PENANA0YBJb4kFVT
但又不可能跟她分手,始終我真的很愛她。
「我警告你吖,如果你今日下晝兩點旺角恒生冇出現嘅話,我真係unfriend你架!」710Please respect copyright.PENANAKQI9tWn5rH
如今已經沒辦法再逃避,唯有硬着臉的面對。710Please respect copyright.PENANAeatRHPuP0o
我把衣櫃找了好幾遍,才能找到比較合適的衣服。710Please respect copyright.PENANAN8PndQC3wN
還故意把擦得比平時更白,還用漱口水漱口了好幾遍;710Please respect copyright.PENANAE8qecsv6RV
久違的口臭完全消失,已經保證萬無一失。710Please respect copyright.PENANA8KccfLi6hX
做盡了一切措施,終於要出門。
「準時兩點正,我已經到咗啦!」710Please respect copyright.PENANAfUA4k91lHu
我就在恒生銀行門口,傳個訊息給她。710Please respect copyright.PENANAPvHSouE8sE
畫面顯示着藍雙剔,但她卻久久未見人。710Please respect copyright.PENANAO283A9EtQS
然後我再問了她是不想我來錯了銀行,卻再也看不到藍剔。710Please respect copyright.PENANAiz0jMDZaFr
上面明明寫着「在線上」,卻像人間蒸發般再也找不到她。710Please respect copyright.PENANArbaUJ9RqGI
我站在那個銀行門口,然後又走到對面那銀行;710Please respect copyright.PENANAoEBFwMXKfA
由兩點等到六點,始終還是看不見她的蹤影。710Please respect copyright.PENANAXyb3QOnJcF
過程亦沒有任何一人跟我相認,我就像瘋子般逛來逛去。710Please respect copyright.PENANASoKaP8gpvV
但是最後,還是失望而回。
「⋯⋯你仲喺唔喺度?」710Please respect copyright.PENANAEAsT44s2hf
一日又一日的過去,她最後那短信息還是叫我出外的那段。710Please respect copyright.PENANA4C9rZwpjBs
她的Facebook封鎖了我,她的電話再也打不通。710Please respect copyright.PENANAc3biEkW6IF
她的一切恍似就停留在那一刻,無論我送多少一發訊息給她;710Please respect copyright.PENANAqfSa6WkZ73
還是跟他道歉,她還是照舊不理我。710Please respect copyright.PENANAbJtzClj6U3
失眠期間,我又想到為何她當天沒出現。710Please respect copyright.PENANAaq9ggBTQeJ
或許她早已出現,但就是因為我的出現;710Please respect copyright.PENANAPUJiinzznz
她就完全消失,就像從沒出現過。
現在想回來,或許這一切都只是願者上釣。710Please respect copyright.PENANAVes1nSLE9P
或者她根本沒真心愛上我,只是我一個自作多情。710Please respect copyright.PENANAu3o1FVcILM
但也可能她的初戀真的給了個毒男,就這樣傷害了一個少女。710Please respect copyright.PENANAw2QJlmQ8Dy
或許她那天是哭着回去的,就是被她的好奇心弄死。710Please respect copyright.PENANAUZIZDngqvu
或許她還未準備好愛我,承受不了這好奇。
或許她還愛着我,還未接受到我的美。
710Please respect copyright.PENANAYViWvBtdtU
710Please respect copyright.PENANAwdPahSD9TL
710Please respect copyright.PENANAWzBrGSEcXN