Denial.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnSKdKkBD6
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU4rLQauI3
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyhPSBesxW
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d9PjDYnne
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC20DQiuU0y
"I'm fine," I stressed.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrBi3XoweJ
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPB3mDRdTA
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xXoShfTBL
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUqM2GVT75
***376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAbnJFrb0r
Anger.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdEUybJrr8
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWuw70m78I
Things are always easy when you're a kid.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPsGOQ4lia
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlW1PjUiuHM
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42fkbq5LDn
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AfHU4U2Ek
"Clara?"376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXT4BT7wPe
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nAThb7Cpu
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejiR6efPwq
"When can I go home?" I asked.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlsB1Svt7Z
He sighed. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjioFUQDnf
"Well?"376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4VdP55Dkp
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxY7anOdAg
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATUvRnMH6g
"Talking helps."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0IUbADrr3
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopvDsz1s0n
"It doesn't work that way."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11sPVcUFf8
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9mkkyEJDy
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUd8iOef1G
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsKmvFuE4g
***376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkdba1BoCA
Depression.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fBP7u5UCA
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDUhskhjv2
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj3Ru4VJPB
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V1GuIggxQ
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctMKQ6LQSy
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKXH7TjSAZ
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJOWvmXklF
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8peKWJ0ZR
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22rlFD5lQe
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEKd7PeERG
***376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsMZIt38lt
Bargaining.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5myXstKzEZ
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuN4ZDFAD5r
They say it's the five stages of grief.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5Yt65LUbo
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU82FntElLR
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Sgojb2Rj
But now, you don't. I don't.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQq3cEfXKI
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqUmNw15oV
***376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYSmQZKAzV
Acceptance.376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc9p5Pdh7w
There's nothing you can do to change it. 376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dY9Kx6n4Y
***376Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmRbp50DMP
