Denial.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMC4xeSvpS
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACVSV9mSl6
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u7XayRobR
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJLvucUd1f
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcwd3ZyJkW
"I'm fine," I stressed.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7y7p2KKFa
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7vl9fuJU7
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOq6SJdrrt
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJEtLRg7x3
***398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApg3ZHwJuu
Anger.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk4KsyLoEd
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgea6lBCQK3
Things are always easy when you're a kid.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpetgZjN5SH
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BhnFqayAl
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBOtCddNaK
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNlAVm2OSD
"Clara?"398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRB95KdkEC
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNS2ysx3qRa
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT7jsdfp3x
"When can I go home?" I asked.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDREv3CksV
He sighed. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoNSI0GTwq
"Well?"398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLqXAwhtem
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWFnZ5dvyl
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBj2XVzON57
"Talking helps."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzNSBbvME1
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3ZLiXwFG0
"It doesn't work that way."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGz3pIlGsZr
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaju83qFkg
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgVz6KrWed
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXPvPcOEbd
***398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumyTsZNLBa
Depression.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu2kmPfzoA
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEstEc9Mwc
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXhGKQjKxJ
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVCwI6Tk7W
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsX6UY5TPi
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGwYbY9IbR
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhmy3XBzZD
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzyMAuzVeG
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVym9WiSxOA
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoJq09TcCQ
***398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcVJQwOlSV
Bargaining.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYMnsO0wuW
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIvzwLE5Y7
They say it's the five stages of grief.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnFVR3R91h
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYQ0M8PxbH
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1tN980hXL
But now, you don't. I don't.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbDrdiLqdL
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhHeMMaQUy
***398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ivUItLLZl
Acceptance.398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbc5rZDvJ6
There's nothing you can do to change it. 398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXIb3dgZv2
***398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNR0OBoyqN
