Denial.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9CxMAZb2o
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1C1BZrDsp
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRspkOP0OS
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c2gH4jMxP
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKTksoVRBJ
"I'm fine," I stressed.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLPpfUlW79
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw1qLVIsgy
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR38zp5cqrp
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fb9eVLccw
***368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXmSTfvcSg
Anger.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgGJaaHAB4
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVNLaUhWs3
Things are always easy when you're a kid.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuUcH3Gm34
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rgyVQICxy
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPTX5ANRJb
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Iit7fzZ3t
"Clara?"368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyriqvQBwbr
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BCIoR56U1
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerxEQ5Ycna
"When can I go home?" I asked.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYgb8oJTUn
He sighed. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vEQqDYjKB
"Well?"368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsqXlc3eYo
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyp2yLn82zn
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKNYPShaQz
"Talking helps."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik62vBMInE
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSUJmGKs0X
"It doesn't work that way."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsakjgKPYy
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZTwPTlSrr
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Q4RWKt8yN
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTaPF0J44h
***368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH0XDsCzGi
Depression.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dTGV9DOpu
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntfmxJMrM0
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATVUxOvy10
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7e4sFuzZKH
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oBDZcmz2l
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSSESN8nMU
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0ovcom6vn
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaItg3QvUDJ
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfMaueijXf
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsQ2Tt1bqw
***368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkfsZHUUb0
Bargaining.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6cO3UQKsz
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkxzd0pQu6
They say it's the five stages of grief.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwnujcmJGT
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcLwYDliUn
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGb4u1NEBc
But now, you don't. I don't.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjuBZcqWKJ
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9928iEBX6b
***368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhSzfSykOT
Acceptance.368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d3RNUx5F5
There's nothing you can do to change it. 368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66opc83s4b
***368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ1JiBq7AU
