Martin was unconscious on the ground after being hit by a car. At one stage, he even stopped breathing. The woman knew first aid and managed to get him breathing again. As the ambulance came, Mom was holding me and trying to drag me back from the scene. Emotions were building up in me as I saw the ambulance drive, Martin, away.
I was in my bedroom on my bed with images of Martin being pushed by me and being hit by the car. If he died, it would be my fault as it was me that pushed him and this meant that if he died, I would be a murderer. Mom sat beside me and tried to console me saying it was not my fault.
" You cannot blame yourself for the accident,” Mom explained, " You did not like Martin pushing you to be friends. Your mind was in conflict. You wanted him as a friend and yet you could not cope with the fact that he said he was gay. I think you were afraid!”
I could not think about why we stopped being friends. I was more worried about Martin. Was he in pain? Did many bones break? Was his brain-damaged?
I begged mom to ring to the hospital and see how Martin was. Mum rang to the hospital and told me that Martin was in a coma. She explained that this meant that he was asleep and could not wake up. This made me cry again as I felt guilty. I told mum that we had to go to the hospital. Dad was out hunting so I could see mum thinking of how she could do this and who would take care of the shop. Mom sighed and mumbled to herself that I was more important. She told me to help her shut the shop and we would drive to the hospital.
When we came to the hospital we found out that Martin was still in a coma and we rushed to his room. The room was so white and everything looked so clean. It was also quiet. The only noise was the beeping noises from some machines and this machine helping Martin to breathe. He just laid there with some tubes in his mouth and his eyes closed. His arm was in a cast, so he must have broken his arm. He did not look like he was in pain. He just looked like he was dead and his body was on display.
His mom looked up at me and in tears, she shouted at me to get out. ”All my boy wanted was your friendship. You were so important for him, especially because he was new and he knew he was different than other boys. You could not accept he was gay and made his life so hard when you told everyone about him. Then when he tried the last time to be your friend, the result was that you pushed him and he now is here.”
She shouted at me and asked why it was not me that was in the hospital bed. She shouted that I had no right to cry as I was the reason Martin was here. She shouted at me to get out. She did not want me in the room. I was in tears as she kept on telling me to get out. She kept on shouting at me to get out.
We sat outside the room. The words of Martins's mother kept on going through my head. She did not have to tell me. I felt very guilty about how I treated Martin. It was my fault because I could not accept him and the way he was. I bullied him so much that he was now in the hospital!
Mom told me that we should not wait here, and we would be better at going home. I glared at mom and told her that I would be staying there. I wanted to be here when Martin woke. Mom gave me a hug as if to tell me that this could take time and we had to even accept he may not wake up. This was more than I could deal with. One thing was that Martin was in the hospital. Another thing was that he would die because of me. I broke down in tears once more.
It was hard for mom, as she did not know what to do or say. It wasn't every day someone was in this position. She felt relieved that it was not me in a coma, but she could see how much I was suffering. Mom said that she would stay with me and we would wait as long as it took.
Sitting down in a hospital hallway should be boring for some, but not me. Hours passed and I did not even notice. There were so many thoughts going through my head. In the last few weeks, I have done nothing but try and convince myself that Martin should not be my friend because he was gay. I spent all my time pushing him away. I spent so much energy and time on this as well as thinking about Martin. I did not realize is that because I missed his friendship.
It was first now that I realized that I wanted to be friends with Martin. We had more things in common than we had differences. We had fun together. Martin respected that I was not gay. I should have trusted him more that he would not do anything to me that made me feel uncomfortable. I should have taken his side when he was being teased by everyone. The bottom line is that I should have been his friend!
Now we may never get a chance to be friends. Even if Martin woke up, could he forgive me?
Hours went by and I saw that Martins's mother went out to get some rest.
I sneaked in the room and looked down at Martin. I wanted him to wake up. I held his hand and pleaded for him to wake up. He did not and just laid there. I then opened my hearts and begged him to forgive me. I told him that I was so mean and the fact was that we should have been friends all along. I admitted that I was afraid and stupid and it was hard to forgive everything I did. I laid my head on his tummy and begged him to wake up and forgive me.
Then it was like all hell broke loose. Alarms started going off and doctors and nurses came in. They stood around him for ages, poking and prodding while trying to solve what problem there was. Martins mother came in and she was crying and praying. She had her arms around me and kept me from trying to see what was happening. This continued for ages until everything went quiet.
Everything was now quiet, as the doctor announced the time. They slowly turned off the machines and took the tube out of Martins' mouth. There was silence as the doctors and nurses quietly left. Then Martins's mother started crying saying that Martin was dead.
Martin was dead!
I lost control and ran up to Martin and joined his mother in crying, I was telling him that this could not happen. I needed him! His mother needed him. I begged that he would wake up. Everything was my fault!
”My best friend is dead!” I cried and shouted.
Then I heard some coughing and looked around, only to find Martin was coughing. His mother shouted that he was alive and we thanked God!
Martin was still pale and said in a low quiet whisper, ”You just said we are best friends!”
I smiled and laughed and was nearly jumping up and down in joy
” We are best friends forever” I assured him
The end.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
