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So there it was, set out in four little words: The Killing had Relish. The great truth that he had been unable to face was that he, Adama, who had set himself such high standards for his love of life, had discovered his inner murderer. Ripping off the mask of St. Dionysos he had discovered the grim face of Achill. I'm sure the revelation is altogether more subtle than that, but that is its broad outline. He'd destroyed beauty and life. He refused to face that truth, hence his agony. And yet there is more. Adama had met, and experienced at first hand, a selfless giver. He could not be ignorant of the fact that the creature which he calls Dae-itz knew precisely what it was doing. It knew that it would be destroyed. It made a conscious sacrifice: its life for his. When Adama called "Fire" he accepted that sacrifice. He need not now accept the guilt. It is all to do with Yes and No. Adama felt crushed by the knowledge that he had selected No at a crisis in his life. It was my job to make him see that his NO was really a triumphant YES and that if he so chose he could now build on to greatness. Let me confirm that if Adama had been able to put aside his guilt he would have become the true man to captain a ship like the Galactica. The Galactica would have multiplied his qualities a hundredfold.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9mwAjlLG3
I explained all this to Adama and in his mind he knew the truth, but in his heart he couldn't accept it. Guilt annihilates the very fabric.
Thus we have a story of near-greatness. A man picked out for trial who came to face his own deepest nature and recoiled in horror. Have my made myself clear?172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZkBDmexA1
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I do not mean to be sententious in pointing out that old wisdom has always enjoined that Mankind should seek to know himself and that this is the hardest quest of all. How nice to be safely bio-crystalline! My limits are more or less knowable and as I contemplated the bowed head of Adama, I knew that I was at one of my limits.
As usual, as ever, as it has been from the first day, the human is alone to find its path, I think. Maybe the only certainty is that, at least, there is a path or so I'm told.
After the hardest truth, the rest of the truths fell free, like the release of a logjam. I will now tell the rest of Adama's story, but I will have to be brief I fear.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8zYw4Yqzg
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The turbos burned long enough for the Galactica to escape.
Within microns of their departure they were resting in orbit and the Galactica was busy about the calculations that would enable the STGs to go into action. Adama felt that he was to possess him for most of his time with us in the garden was already shaping his thinking. At the same time, after liberating (that is to say making him once more aware of) his killer instinct. Adama conceived a deep hatred for the Galactica and made ready to terminate it. While the Galactica plotted an optimum course, Adama plotted how best to destroy her. As he freely admitted, this would allow for a great cover-up. He would destroy the evidence and he would then let the madness which was already teeming in his mind, take charge. Very convenient. I cannot understand why he did not choose to kill himself at the same time. My guess is that the instinct to live is strong. He seems to have concieved of a future as a great deluder, shielded by insanity. Is that not insanity?
While they were in a part of space that had not been visuited before (which is, let us face it, most of the galaxy), the Galactica yet had one clue. There was a telltale star-cluster which it thought it could identify by its spectra and it programmed the STGs to tear space to that proximity.
This they did. The journey was uneventful as far as Adama was concerned. One patch of space blinked out and with it went a high-gravity planet with a gray sea, dun-colored land and a single moon. Moments later the black sky blazed with a multitude of different stars and the Galactica was intact.
Immediately the Galactica began to broadcast MAYDAY and the signal contained a coded map of the stars about them. Adama settled down to wait. He might have waited ten mili-centons, ten yahrens, or ten decades. He had no way of knowing.
He settled down in his suite of rooms with only the idiotic flickering fire for company. I asked Adama what he thought about during that time and he replied, "Nothing." I have checked this under hypnosis and it is true. The man was shut down as if catatonic.
And at the end of three sectans the MAYDAY was acknowledged. An incredulous communications officer on a mining asteroid sent back a reply, verifying position and advising that a message had been sent to Assis Central. Help would be on its way!
The Galactica had been found as a result of this stroke of chance and I noted how this has been the situation in this narrative of Adama. The communications officer was checking his main receiver after completing an annual overhaul. He had it turned to a frequency that is rarely used for closed range transmission. He was checking the calibration when he heard the whispery voice of the Galactica, calling coordinates and identifying itself. He, like anyone engaged in exploration of space, knew of the Galactica and of its strange and sudden disappearance. He was incredulous, but he was well trained too and within mili-centons priority circuits were humming and the distances between stars were bridged as STG amplifiers opened up.
Days later Adama received his first real/time transmission. This was the first time for many sectars that he had spoken to a fellow human being. He was quiet and polite and reserved. He confirmed all details but when pressed to speak of his ordeal, he said nothing.
Another sectan passed and then Adama was awakened by the Galactica telling him that a C-class starship of the Mercy Fleet of St. Dionysos had arrived in the proximate space. It was already negotiating to engage. Adama looked out of the viewports but saw nothing. But then, as he was turning away, a ray of light dabbed out from the darkness and the Galactica was touched. A laser Communication Beam had reached it.
"You are saved, Adama," said the Galactica. "You will be a great hero. You will have many stories to tell." But Adama didn't answer.
Quietly, methodically, as he had done a thousand times before, he donned his survival suit and checked the power pack on the small anti-grav unit and the air supply. All was well.
Then he drifted down the corridor to the vacuum chute that led down to the room where the bio-crystalline seeds were growing.
"Where are you going, Adama?"
"I go to bid farewell."
Knowing that he had a sentimental side to his nature and that such symbolic acts were of value to the human animal, the Galactica didn't think to interfere.
Adama dropped into the darkness and turned all his suit lights on. He was in vacuum and soon stood outside the entrance to the seed chamber. The door opened at his request and the blaze of light from within the chamber paled his lights. The Galactica still had less than 1/100 of its original capacity, but what it had was impressive. It had grown. The new seeds that Adama had implanted like coals against the pale glimmer of the dung brain, now blazed. A pattern of silver nerves filled the entire upper chamber of the room.
Adama entered. He selected a small, well-balanced machine hammer from the suit tools and deliberately struck at the nearest seed. It exploded in motes of lights that shimmered in the chamber. He went on. He struck with his hammer and swept with his arm. He broke the bio-crystalline fibers. With his gloved hands he scooped out the semi-living seeds of light and smashed them on the ground and trampled on them. Last of all he struck at the fiber which connected the local brain of the Galactica to the specialized brain of the STGs. It was already wavering to red in shock for it had no way of protecting itself from the destruction. Adama struck again and again. This was one of the original links and it was strong and tough. But it began to break. There were splinters first and then whole strands came away. He gripped the trunk with both hands and pulled and it tore away and came crashing down on him.
There was still faint luminescence from one sector of the room and as he crushed this Adama said, "Farewell."172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5AoFpPP3s
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The rescue sip drew near. I will now let that ship's captain explain things in his own words:172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6JblNlxA7
"We were pulling close to the L-M linkage. We could see something of the damage done to the ship. Plates missing, holes punched in the ship and the entire hydroponics ring had been ripped away. We were amazed that it still held together. But then, parts of it were blazing with light and we guessed it was putting on a brave show. Whatever desire had overcome it, it had survived.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OuVS2NY0C
"We were at full alert, of course. The life station bays were all open and standing by. We knew the Galactica's full compliment and we were ready to take as many beings on board as we could. We knew another two ships of the Mercy Fleet were due within centons and that one of these was specially designed to take DMEs.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR91Y6FHDz6
"Then, as we came close, as we were dwarfed by the giant wreck, as we were searching for signs of life at its windows or a discharge of static, suddenly all the lights went out. The mercystar became as black as an asteroid. 172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvQxj8BLps
"I piloted out way around, looking for one of the entrance bays. And it was one of our junior consoeurs who first saw Adama. He was a minute silver figure. A shining dot of light in the dark ship. He was standing at a hole in the ship's side and waving, the lights of his survival suit ablaze.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTbsChkOpZ
"We brought Adama on board.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKdI8QONJH
"Milli-centons later we boarded the Galactica and found it a dead ship."172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcroJ5VHpeW
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And now we have returned more or less to the place where this story began but we have been on a long journey.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQfhWxF6wE
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It now only remains for me to describe the last events in the Jadriel Garden.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvXKfTObYL
