Ever since Thursday night my latest dream kept replaying in my head. I tried ignoring it all day Friday but I had no luck. What was even worse was that Malum was not in school again either. He had been absent ever since Monday. I wonder what was going on with him. Hopefully he is okay. Wait, I shouldn’t be thinking of him like that. I shouldn’t be caring about him. He is no longer part of my life and I needed to accept that already.
The weekend came and suddenly it was Sunday. Unfortunately the damn dream was still in my memory. How odd that I have been remembering all of these dreams lately. Usually when I dreamt I barely remembered it the next morning.
I tried distracting myself again but had little success. I had already cleaned up around the house, did laundry, and I even did yard work. Honestly I was running out of large projects to do around the house. It is times like these that I wish I had my driver's license. Having the ability to drive away anywhere I wanted to go would probably help distract me.
Dinner that evening was quiet. My parents had the T.V going so they weren’t interested in holding any conversations for this meal. Usually I was relieved about this, but tonight was different.
I decided to try and make small talk with my folks, even if the subject was beyond boring. I stopped playing with the noodles on my plate and placed my fork down.
“Hey mom and dad. When is the next time we are taking a camping trip?” I asked, trying to have some sincereness in my voice.
My mom turned her head away from the television to look at me. “Grace sweetie, it is November now and the weather is becoming too cold. You know that your father and I are getting older. We don’t want to be camping out in the cold weather.”
I faked my disappointment. “Okay mom, I understand. I should have thought about that to begin with.”
The television program switched to a commercial and my dad decided to join in on the conversation. “Once the weather becomes warmer again in a few months we can all go camping again. We could do a small little trip, a weekend getaway. How does that sound buttercup?”
Ugh. I really hated when he called me that. It was the nickname they used when I was a toddler and of course it just stuck with me for the rest of my life. I know they tried their best not to use it now that I’m older, but old habits die hard.
“Dad you know I don’t like that nickname anymore--but okay, that’s fine. Sounds like a plan!” I smiled.
After I was finished with dinner I headed to my room. It was getting late and I decided to get ready for bed. Tomorrow starts another week in what has become hell for me. I’m hoping that this week ends up being better than the last.
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Monday started off fine--partially because I had a full night of sleep with no dreams to interrupt me. When I entered my homeroom I was expecting Malum to have returned to school by now, but I was disappointed when he once again did not show up. I really wanted to know what was going on, but I dare not text him. No, I couldn’t do that--and he probably wouldn’t respond to my messages anyways. It was for the best.
My curiosity got the better of me though. After homeroom I decided to ask Ms. Leona about Malum’s absence. To my disappointment she told me that she wasn’t allowed to release any personal student information. I should have known better. It was worth a shot though.
The rest of the day flew by. Focusing on my classes instead of Malum was becoming easier. Maybe it was because I was losing hope that things between him and I would eventually be fixed. I knew deep down that lowering my expectations of that situation ever happening was the right thing to do, it would save me more heartache in the long run.
I hadn’t thought about the polaroid since Thursday evening. It was stashed in a box under my bed. I blame the photo for causing my dream--or nightmare, whatever it was. The thought of burning the polaroid had crossed my mind a few times over the weekend, but something held me back from actually making that decision. So storing it away was the best idea I could come up with for the time being.
The rest of the week happened without incident. Malum never came back to school. I stopped asking myself why. Him not physically being here was helping me focus on other priorities--and helping me move on. They say that time heals, and so far it has. So far.
That weekend I decided to get together with Autumn and Katy. I was long overdue for a girls weekend and it was what I needed. We went to the mall on Saturday and then Katy and I decided to spend the night at Autumn’s house. We had a blast. We shared gossip that was floating around the school, talked about our upcoming Thanksgiving break plans, and chatted about other random things. It was really nice to spend time with them. I was trying very hard to make up for lost time. Malum and I had spent so much time together these last two months that I forgot to focus some of my time and energy on my friends. So I considered this weekend the start of me making it up to them.
I was grateful that I hadn’t had a dream about the moonlit field since that last time--when I was told that I would learn “everything”. Whatever the hell that meant, I didn’t care anymore. That was all just a distraction. If I was going to be told something I’m sure I would have dreamed it up by now. So I considered those dreams bad memories now. No good had come with them. Only unanswered questions.
Another school week began and still--no Malum. This was week three without him here. I was honestly worried as to why he hasn’t been in school, but I decided to push those feelings down. He was not going to get inside my head again. I have been doing so well forgetting about him and I would continue to.
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Thanksgiving break was upon us, but by the end of that week Malum didn’t returned to school--it was like he disappeared without a trace. Except for that first time I had asked Ms. Leona why he hadn’t been in school, I never asked anyone else. As much as I wanted his whereabouts to be my business, ultimately it wasn’t. Over these last few weeks my parents had asked a few times where Malum was and why I had not been hanging out with him. My answer was always the same. I simply told them that he hasn’t been feeling well and could not see anybody right now. They did not need to know the complete story.
Thanksgiving came and went. As did Christmas. A part of me was hoping that the New Year would magically bring Malum back into my life, but that didn’t happen. Of course not. Wishing on a star never worked. Magic like that wasn’t real.
With the start of the New Year most people had all but forgotten about Malum--those who knew of his existence at least. After a while everyone assumed that he had dropped out or his family had moved away. Nobody really cared either way since no one else had gotten to know him. At least, not in the way that I had gotten to know him.
I knew I never should have considered this, but I was tempted to go take a look ast his house and see if anybody was there. As quickly as that thought entered my mind I realized that he had never told me where he and his family lived. Or had lived, I didn’t know at this point. He never shared his address with me.
Malum was truly becoming a memory to me, but I hadn’t decided if he was a good memory that I would--eventually cherish, or a bad memory that I wanted to completely forget.
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