Next day Mistril found herself led by her legs in front of the mural again. She spent quite some time staring at it before she turned her attention on the sword. She didn’t dare approach it, though. It was broken and it held no power without the chosen one to weild it but it was a piece of history that she did not want to remember.
"That is the sword used to slay the Enemy. An old story you must have heard," Said a man with a voice that was both warm and objective.
Just a glance and Mistril knew that that person was neither bad nor making the best decisions in life. As he walked closer to her, she could see his grey attire which made him seem like a scrawny old man, his pointy hat that seemed to be too large for his head and his wizard rod which he was leaning onto after every step.
"You are the guest I heard about; Mithrandir, the wizard. They say you know more than you share." She said not taking a step to or from him. She just waited for the wizard to get next to her and when he did, she realized there was no real emotion in his eyes. He didn’t seem particularly interested in her either, not from what she could feel from standing close to him.
"It is unfortunate to know more and yet not know better. I'm afraid those are just rumors." He answered in a way that made her remember Gweluven. He used to speak so in times when he was lying. "I heard you came from Greenwood the Great, land of the wood elves."
"Indeed. Word travels fast." Mistril said aware that years have passed and he might have been to Greenwood after she left.
"Faster than you can imagine."
"I suppose you have heard the rumors of men about a wizard hiding in Dol Guldur. I know it has been long since this alleged problem surfaced but I heard elves speaking of it in the halls." She started, having heard rumors that reached even Rivendell.
"A necromancer, a wizard of men with powers given under suspicious circumstances. Or it might as well be nothing." Mithrandir said leaning half of his weight on his staff. "Have you seen it?"
"Yes but it's been so long since then. It was silent as if I was in the eye of the storm. And yet, nothing happened." She answered growing worried for the wood elves. He seemed to have read her mind because he was quick to reply.
"Wood elves are witty fellows, spontaneous but brave. They won't suffer under their king. Thranduil is a fit ruler."
"Their king, who likes extravagance and doubts everything. Excuse me for not sharing your sympathy and trust." She said sarcastically, although her eyes seemed to glint differently from her words.
Mithrandir looked at her for a while before he smiled, his whole face sparkling with genuine amusement and kindness.
"There is more than you want to admit. Maybe not yet, maybe not soon, but you will figure it out."
Mistril listened closely to the wizard but didn’t look into his eyes; she chose to look at the sword instead. Everything he said was more or less relevant but it was so hard to decipher the in between meaning of his words. She watched him turn around and leave, as if he came only to probe the waters and see if she was worthy enough for a later meeting.
What the wizard really wanted to do was simply see her. He had heard of a Gondolindrim found in Greenwood and, to be sincere, he hoped it wasn’t her. Of course, he could not guess the Valar’s choices, especially her, and yet he couldn’t help but go along.
Elrond was waiting for the wizard outside, watching the sky as he thought how to confront the situation with Glorfindel. The warrior was committed to Mistril and it wasn’t all because of guilt.
“Have you talked to her?” Elrond asked sensing the wizard approach him.
“Yes. And I saw her, an image that I do not quite agree with if I am to give my sincere thoughts.”
“She asked me about Dagorlad and I told her the truth. She needs to know, Mithrandir. She can choose differently this time.” Elrond said, thinking first about Glorfindel, “She’s not alone anymore. Once her memories will clear up, I trust she will make the right decision. There must be a reason she fights for and we both know what that is.”
“I wonder if we think about the same reason, my friend. The Enemy is gone thus her consciousness is well but if those marks will whisper to her one day, then she won’t be able to control herself anymore.” The wizard said, worry flashing through his eyes.
“I thought about that too. Lady Galadriel could help her understand once she will remember and then-“Elrond stopped, glancing at the stables where Asfaloth seemed to listen intently to their discussion. “First, give it back to her.”
Mistril returned to her room and fell on her bed with a heavy sigh. The wizard's words were ringing in her ears and so was another, only its voice was faint. Every time she wanted to remember certain details about her past, her head would start aching. The furthest she was digging, the more intense it was growing until her attention was drawn to someplace else.
"Am I disturbing you?" Elrohir's face rose from behind the door, his dark hair falling on one side.
"No. You can enter." Mistril said as she rose and waited for him to sit next to her.
"I talked to my father and it seems there is an important message that has to be taken to Lothlorien. I'll have to go there with my brother and I wanted to ask if you'd like to come." He said smiling boyishly, knowing her answer already.
"Lord Elrond knows about this?" she asked eyeing him.
"He will. You can stay if you want," he added nonchalantly.
"No." She said, quickly getting on her feet. "I'll go. I am curious about Lothlorien too."
"Alright. Don't take much with you because we will travel swiftly." Elrohir announced her before his sight suddenly fell on her lap.
Unconsciously, Mistril tried to hide her wrists but there were high chances he saw at least the dark part. Elrohir looked up at her and forced himself not to react although he would have liked to tell her it was alright.
Only, it wasn't much until Elrond himself caught Mistril on the balcony, looking at Rivendell longingly. Wind was blowing gently as she leaned on the stone rail with something in her hand.
"When my sons leave, you are to go with them. I trust you three will have much to talk about on your journey.” The wise elf said, light amusement flicking through his eyes. “But not too much I hope.”
"I met Mithrandir today and had an interesting conversation. He is a man of many secrets, isn’t he? He speaks in ways that can lead you to more meanings.” She started.
“He is a good man and he has lived through more years than many of us. Mithrandir will open the door and Lady Galadriel will aid you in your journey.”
“The journey of coming to my senses? We both know I have done terrible things before. I can’t remember them but these marks, they can become a threat, can’t they?” she asked feeling strong antipathy for the man that gave her a home.
“They can, they could lead to a real massacre but could at the same time bring you enlightenment. The decision is in your hands and I will accept any choice you make. Rivendell will always be your home, Glorfindel will always protect you and your friends will not abandon you. The world is at peace and so can you be.” Elrond said, his voice urging her to open up her mind and heart and accept his kindness and hope.
But one glance and she could still see the cloaked figure on the side, looking at her expectantly. She looked at the piece of paper that she was grasping tightly in her hand, at the face of a young and pure Legolas that she drew. She really wanted to be at peace not just pretend to.
Before he left for what he said was a long and yet expectant journey, the grey wizard met Mistril on the stairs down to the gate, his mind and heart troubled.
"Have you thought about what Elrond told you?" He asked her once she reached him.
"I should have imagined you two counseled each other in the matter. Lord Elrond promises much but only time can prove if he keeps them." Her tone made Mithrandir’s eyes darken but only for a moment. The moonlight made his eyes twinkle in the night as if his blue eyes were two stars. He was a wise man but he had to choose his words carefully as her light flickered once more.
“Mistril, Gondolin fell a very long time ago and yet no one knows what you could have done in this time. Elrond doesn’t know much about you, no one does-“
“And you do?” she asked, her light flickering even more as her anger was fired by the faint voice in her mind.
"There is a story, true or false I do not know for I haven't seen it with my own eyes, about a creature that kills quickly and silently. It vanished after the Enemy's defeat but it didn't die. It was a creature created by hatred and years of long torture. In my long journeys I have found this-" he said and uncovered a hilt. He gave it to her and she drew the sword out of it with wide eyes. The blade, the details on the hilt, the way it felt in her hand, everything was perfect.
"It's mine, isn't it?" She asked her eyes still locked on the blade. It was such an amazing feeling; she could feel this surge of electricity go into her body. Swaying it a bit, her eyes brightened and her whole figure enlightened. “This sword is just like the ones my father used to make.”
"Daewen," Mithrandir called out the name that quickly calmed down her excitement, "I’m sure you heard this name before. For the Enemy, you were Daewen but the rest of the world knew you as the Shadow of Angmar. The force that rose against her kin because they forgot her and let her drown into the darkness." He explained watching every twitch and every jolt of her hands.
"So it's true then. I'm a monster. I am the monster that murdered elves, men, dwarves and who knows how many others." After few of her memories returned, she knew she had done evil deeds but now that someone else voiced out that theory, it felt so much more real. “Daewen. He even gave me a name.” she choked on the last word, her eyes tearing up.
"And yet you are here." Mithrandir added yet not sounding very warm at the moment.
"They sent me back for punishment." She replied remembering the words that have been echoing in her mind ever since she woke up. “I am not welcomed in Valinor and I was sent back from the Halls of Manos. It’s not all because of the dark fire but because of my own sins.”
"I do not think your punishment has begun just yet. With this sword in hand you may remember everything."
"Do I want to?" She asked looking into his eyes. "When I'll go to sleep tonight, will I regret my past or will I return to it?"
"You choose." He said before he gave her a last smile and left.
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