Over the coming weeks, Larissa ended up getting worse before she got better. It was by and far one of the darkest times in their lives. Despite getting away from everything and everyone in L.A., she sunk deeper and deeper into depression. The dismal rain cloud that loomed over her constantly seemed to grow darker and more ominous by the day.246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gyRftII1X
He couldn't believe he was actually able to talk Larissa into moving in with him so soon too. The weekend following the shitfest, to be exact. It hadn't taken long, luckily, since most of Larissa's possessions were confined to her bedroom in the house she shared with her two roommates. Chris still felt like he was pressuring her into it, but they ended up having a lengthy discussion about it one night in his trailer while she was visiting him on set.
"It's going to be weird going back to your apartment without you,"Larissa casually mentioned as they cleaned up their Chinese takeout dinner one night.
"I know. I wish I could go back with you."
"Don't be silly. You're working with Bill Pullman, for Christ's sake. You'll have a lot more fun here than at home."
"I'd still rather be with you. I especially hate that you'll be alone."
"Chris, if I didn't want to be there, I wouldn't have moved in. I would've figured something out."
He knew she was right. Dire though her circumstances, if she really hadn't wanted to move in with him yet, she wouldn't have agreed to come stay with him on set for several weeks and would have stayed home instead, taking almost any job that might come her way, just to be able to pay for her part of rent to stay where she was. Still.
"I know, but I still can't help but feel like I talked you into it. Like you had no choice."
"Well, don't. I'll be fine," she addressed the elephant in the room. "Like you said, it's not like it wasn't going to happen eventually anyway. It's just...," she sighed. "Helluva timing.It's all been a little overwhelming, hasn't it?" Her voice asked the question rhetorically, but she looked up at Chris hopefully,wanting him to agree with her so she'd feel a little less crazy.
"Yes, of course. There's been a lot going on, for anyone.Especially in such a short amount of time. I'm still worried about you," he reached out and stroked one side of her hair. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, a thousand times if I have to: You are not alone. I hurt too. I hurt for you. I told you last night. It kills me to see you like this. I feel so helpless. I would do anything to take your pain away. You know that, right?"
Larissa leaned her head toward his chest, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes.
"I know," she spoke muffled into his chest, nodding her head. "I don't like being this way," she turned her head to the side just enough that he could understand her.
"Why don't you give my mom a call when you get back? If you don't want to talk to her, maybe she can set you up with someone else."Even though she had been a psychiatrist for over 35 years, he doubted Larissa would want to share her deepest, darkest secrets with his mother. Gwynn was, after all, going to be her mother in-law and Larissa was a pretty private person. The whole thing had 'awkward' written all over it.
"Maybe," she nodded.
"I'm serious," he took her by the shoulders and looked at her sternly. "Don't just say that to appease me. Give it some real thought. Please," Chris hugged her close.
The night before had been a tipping point for them. It had felt good to finally get his feelings off his chest, but at the same time it made him worry even more about letting Larissa go home by herself.
Larissa had scared the absolute shit out of him. They were shooting a scene several miles away, so Chris couldn't just pop over to his trailer on his short breaks to check on her like he had been. He had no way of even getting back for lunch as the crew had been bussed over. Naturally, he tried calling. No answer. Chris waited a few minutes for her to call him back. He stared at his phone impatiently.After 3 minutes, he tried again. Voicemail. Chris felt helpless and couldn't help but worry. Maybe she was in the shower, he tried to convince hisself. Fidgeting incessantly, he ate his lunch anxiously.
By the time Chris arrived back at his trailer that evening, he was a nervous wreck. The only saving grace of the day was that they got done shooting early. He had tried calling and texting Larissa every chance he got throughout the day to no avail. The sound of running water greeted him as he opened the metal trailer door.
"Hello?" Chris called out, hoping she could hear him over the sound of the shower, not wanting to startle her. At this point, he was a cross between insanely worried and fumingly mad. What reason could she possibly have to not return his call ALL DAY? He strode across the small space in a few steps and knocked on the bathroom door.
"Larissa?" Chris cracked the door and poked his head in.
"Oh! You scared me! Hey, babe. I'll be out in a minute."
"Are you ok?" he felt hot tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.
"Yah, why?"
Chris quietly shut the door without answering. He sat down on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands and let go of everything he had been holding in all day.
"How was work today?" he barely heard Larissa ask from the other side of the bathroom door. "Chris?" Not receiving an answer, she finally opened the door.
"Chris, what's wrong?" she sat down gently next to him on the bed and rested a hand between his heaving shoulders. After a long moment,he finally ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at her,eyes already red.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was about you today?!"anger quickly took over his relief and sadness. He didn't like how all over the place his emotions were. Chris stood abruptly from the bed, away from Larissa.
"I'm sorry," she answered quietly. "I was in bed. I just got up before you got back. I haven't checked my phone yet," she practically whispered.
"All day?!" he asked incredulously, shaking his head. He noticed he was pacing in front of her now.
"Chris, you're scaring me. I said 'I'm sorry'," pools clouded her eyes as well and her lower lip began to quiver. "I just..." Chris held his hand up, cutting her off, and took several deep breaths.
"I can't do this," he swiped the tears from his eyes with the palms of his hands angrily. "I can't worry about you constantly.Not like this. I'll go insane. Maybe that makes me insensitive, but I can't," he shook his head more. There was a long, awkward pause in the room.
"What are you saying, Chris?" Larissa looked up at him with doe eyes. He sighed heavily as he stopped pacing.
"I'm saying, you need to get help. Find a way to get past this,"Chris held her head in his hands gently. "I'm not asking you to forget it happened. I just need you to find a way to cope with it better. I need the real you back." Now it was Larissa's turn to sob.
"I know," she agreed. "I just...I don't know what to do," her breaths came ragged. Chris idled up closer to her and drew her body to his, embracing her.
"It's all I can think about. The more I try not to, it's like the more my brain taunts me," Larissa confessed. "How do you deal with it so well?" she finally looked up at him after a long pause, catching her breath.
"I don't know," Chris sat down on the bed next to her again. "I try not to think about it, what could have been. I try to think of all of the amazing times we'll have together in the future. Come here," he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close once again. "I think it's different for women too. Of course you're having a hard time," Chris tried to choose his words carefully. There was more he wanted to say, but knew it would just upset Larissa all over again. "I'm sorry I got upset," he spoke quietly into her hair. "I was just so worried," he felt his shoulders drop, just thinking again about how relieved he was to find she was ok when he arrived at the trailer.
"I didn't mean to worry you. It was selfish of me. I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed," Chris couldn't see her face, but heard the crack in her voice as she spoke the last sentence. "I felt like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag," she cried.
"Sshhh," he smoothed Larissa's hair away from her face. "You're not selfish. Just promise me you'll do something to figure this out, ok? I want my happy girl back," he squeezed her shoulders playfully a few times. "Maybe you should go back to work too. Not that I want you to, but maybe it will help take your mind off things," Chris suggested.
"Probably wouldn't be a bad idea. I feel like a freeloader,"Larissa laughed finally.
"Well, I don't care what you feel like, so long as you start feeling better," he looked into her eyes seriously. "I love you so much."
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