His breath was calm. Steady, as it always was, despite the massive uphill path he was climbing. The familiar view spread out on his left, seemingly more impressive each day. Rolling mountains tinted with the sunset's red hue spanned the horizon, and even the trees themselves seemed to stretch into the colourful sky.
But Rabten could not appreciate the sight. He could not risk it.
He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead, keeping his attention on his destination rather than the scenery that threatened to swell his heart.
He had to keep walking.
A few other monks passed him on his sojourn to the main temple, some of the older ones even managing a polite smile or a nod in Rabten's direction as they walked downhill. Rabten stared through them all, unable to look them in the eyes yet.
He would get there, he knew. He was getting more comfortable every day.
Finally, the young monk reached the temple. He checked over his robes briefly before mumbling his prayers and entering the building.
The room Tenzin asked to meet him in wasn't far from the entrance, thankfully. Rabten ignored the stunning architecture, the tapestries and the spectacular murals, knowing they were a trap for the weak-minded. He walked straight ahead, ignoring the few guards - the only ones allowed to wear weapons - who were scanning his face as he passed them.
He opened the double doors and bowed before entering. There were several other monks in the room including Tenzin, standing in a semi-circle near the front around a woman. The woman was not wearing the robes of a monk, but rather she was dressed in climbing boots and a tank top. Her blond hair was tied back into a ponytail and she did not look particularly happy to see another monk enter the room. Two guards flanked the door, their eyes trained on the woman in question and their hands gripped around their ceremonial blades.
"Rabten." Tenzin greeted the young monk, stepping forward from the apex of the semi-circle.
Rabten bowed his head at his Master before glancing over at the woman curiously.
"This is Choden," Tenzin introduced the woman, who began to protest. "She is a foundling," he continued, cutting her off. "I need someone to induct her into our society."
Rabten bowed his head again and the other monks in the room dispersed, walking past Rabten out the door.
"I'm not-" the woman started to protest again, but Tenzin put his hand on her shoulder and interrupted.
"You will teach her our ways, Rabten."
Rabten had no choice but to quell his nervousness and nod his head, worried he would be unable to speak evenly.
Choden looked angry. "Hey!" She called to Tenzin as he started to leave the room. "You can't keep me here!"
Tenzin ignored her and bowed as he left the room, leaving the young monk with the agitated woman.
"You can't keep me here," she accused, pointing her finger at Rabten and trying to head for the door. The guards moved in front to block her progress, and she growled angrily at them. "Let! Me! Go!"
"You need to calm yourself," Rabten said, hoping his even tone of voice would help quell her anger. "Emotions have no place here."
"Look, kid," she argued, pacing around the room as if looking for another way out, "I don't give a crap about this place, okay? I was just trying to climb the mountain when your people grabbed me."
"I know," Rabten tried to explain. He took a deep breath, recognizing this next bit would be difficult to say without emotion in his voice. "I'm a foundling too."
The woman scoffed. "A foundling."
"They founded me while I was camping in the mountains with my family."
Choden looked him over critically. "Really?"
Rabten nodded. "I went too far ahead of my parents while we were hiking and wandered off the path and onto sacred ground. They took me in the night so I could atone for my sins."
The woman looked shocked. "Atone for your sins?" Rabten simply nodded solemnly in response. "So you're a prisoner here too?" Choden continued.
"I am a monk," Rabten tried to explain. "My given name is Rabten. Yours is Choden."
"Aren't you angry with them?" Choden asked. "They took you away from your family."
Rabten's heart started beating quickly. "No," he answered, trying his best to keep his voice monotone, "they gave me a great gift."
"A gift?"
Motioning for the new initiate to join him, Rabten left the room. Choden sneered at the guards as they stepped aside to let the monks pass, but they refused to even look at her.
"Emotions are unnecessary in this world," Rabten continued as Choden walked beside him, looking in awe at the beautifully decorated temple. "They cloud your judgement and block the energy in your body."
"Wait,"Choden interrupted, "what?"
"The path to true enlightenment is in suppressing your emotions. Thus, emotions are forbidden inside these temple walls."
"Hold on a sec!" Choden ran around him, blocking his path on their little tour. "You can't feel emotions?"
Rabten nodded. "This is the Temple of Thoughts, not the Temple of Feelings."
"So what happens if you show emotion?"
The young monk noticed his palms were feeling sweaty. He glanced around him nervously as he wiped them on his robe, hoping no one would notice, and cursed this woman for challenging him so much.
"Showing emotion is a sign you are unworthy of the Temple's gifts," Rabten tried to explain, his eyes darting around to ensure no one was listening. "If you do show emotion, you are expelled."
"Expelled?" the woman choked. "You mean they-"
"Kill you, yes." Rabten noticed several of the monks watching them as the pair walked through their tour of the temple. He nodded his head, glad none of them had seen his moment of weakness earlier.
"But why?" Choden asked, blocking the young monk's path with her arms. "Why do they kill you?"
Rabten shrugged slightly. "You know about the Temple's secrets, but you have shown sacrilegious behaviour. What else are they to do with you?" Even as he said the words, though, they felt wrong.
Choden was floored by this news. "A life without emotions is not a life worth living," she argued, and Rabten couldn't help but agree. But he merely shrugged instead, moving past the stopped woman to continue on their tour.
"We should escape!" Choden announced, a little to loudly for Rabten's tastes. He quickly ushered her into a doorway, thanking any God that was listening that the tiny bedroom was empty.
"You can't just say things like that," he chided, his heart racing.
She pointed at him. "There! That's the first time I've seen any emotion out of you."
"Yes, of course I have emotions. But if you let them see it-"
"Don't you want to get out of here? See your family one more time?"
The image of Rabten's mother came to mind - an image he'd been trying to forget. His shoulders slumped and tears welled up in his eyes. "Of course I do," he admitted, more to himself than to Choden. "I really, really do..."
Choden put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Then let's go."
She made it sound so easy, and Rabten grabbed her hand to stop her. "Wait! We can't just waltz out the front gate."
"What about climbing down the mountain?" Choden answered with a grin.
Rabten wiped the tears from his eyes with his arm and shrugged. "Maybe? But I don't know how."
"But I do. Let me help you."
Rabten wrung his hands and looked down at the ground. "They'll kill us if they catch us."
"What's your name?" She asked him. "Not Rabten, but from before all of this?"
"Jason..."
Choden moved closer, lifting his chin so their eyes met. "Jason, I promise you I won't let that happen. I'll do whatever I can to protect you and reunite you with your parents."
Rabten looked into the woman's brown eyes and felt a surge of trust for them. He wasn't sure if it was due to someone calling him his birth name or just the positive energy she emitted, but he finally allowed himself to think that maybe - just maybe - he would be able to see his mother's smiling face again. That he'd be able to laugh at his father's jokes and play football with his school friends again. That he could meet someone and fall in love and grow old together with them. He knew he had no real future in this place, and he wanted to reclaim it so desperately.
He closed his eyes, ignoring the tears that were dripping down from them, and took a deep breath.
"Let's do it."
ns 15.158.61.20da2
