Year 526 A.B.
“By the time we had reached the bunker’s cafeteria to regroup with Xing and the others, the battle was nearing its close. The pressure coming from Elly and Reigner was unlike anything I’d ever felt. All the three of us could do was watch from the corridor’s opening as they unleashed what had to be their Trump Cards, and even then we felt like we were so close that we’d die; comparing that to what Nina, Anni and myself can do right now is like night and day. But who am I to talk? I see why Kahnyne would never seriously use it against me even during training. It makes me wonder why Rae called us before the battle was truly over. Maybe it was something he wanted us to experience for ourselves: the epitome of an ahstralan’s strength… Even after the final round was shot, it felt like there was so much left unfinished, unsaid. Maybe I’m just projecting how I feel upon everyone else, but this can’t be what victory feels like. The ride back was quiet. Not the type of quiet where it’s silent in the literal sense, but the type of quiet where no matter how much the others talked, it felt like nothing was really being said to disrupt the clouds among us. And so here I am at the director’s door to give our team’s report. I stopped asking myself why Xing insisted on not doing it himself like he normally would…”
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Rai reaches for the doorknob to the office, but it begins to turn right before his hand fully grasps it. He’s startled, not because of the doorknob, but because of the person exiting the room.
Standing about a head shorter than Xing, the man glaring at him through the opening doorway has a presence about him that Rai feels he cannot even begin to comprehend.
Rai knows full well that he can’t see auras like Rae can, but just from being in this monster’s presence, Rai knows that he has to be a veteran.
Everything about him radiates an aura of something greater.
From the countless missions exorcists find themselves on, they’re bound to have a fading scratch or two on their person, especially in the case of veterans…
But this man, from his perfect uniform to his untouched fair skin, is the image of impenetrableness.
Even the man’s jet black irises blending into his pupils refuse to make themselves vulnerable to the light around them, absent of any reflections at all.
“Irony.”
The same pressure he was just in deep thought about overcomes him, but this is unlike any hatred that he ever felt. But why? He’d never seen this man before in his life, had he?
HIs enigmatic glare shifts back to the open air of the hallway as he nearly bumps Rai on his way out of the room.
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“Ah, Rai? Is that you? Come on in.”
The director calls out, ushering him in from behind his desk.
Rai closes the door behind him and lets out a sigh, as if to shut out the suffocation he just felt.
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“Good evening, director. I have come to report on the mission assigned to us.”
The director raises an eyebrow.
“And here I thought you were coming by for a chat. Normally that would be up to Xing, wouldn’t it? It’s hard to imagine someone like him being so injured that he’d break routine.” He laughs, his eyes still meeting Rai’s, a sort of nudge to prompt him to join in. But he doesn’t. Back to business then.
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Rai slightly bows his head.
“Sorry, I’m not quite sure why he sent me either. But I have the highlights Rae drafted before he fell aslee- became overwhelmed with other tasks.”
He reaches into his pocket retrieving his notebook, flipping to a page full of the scribbles of someone that was obviously moments away from crashing.
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“Veteran Exorcist Kharon Rivers, otherwise known as ‘Reigner’ was eliminated at the end of a confrontation with Xing, Avelly, and myself. His soul was not erased, but the possibility of him resurrecting is slim due to the fact that no artifacts of his could be sensed, suggesting that he either had none or they were previously destroyed. Additionally, his prowess in spirit manipulation ended up reducing the amount of time spent hunting rogue souls crazed by his death as the majority of them fused and were destroyed by the squad’s trainees. No casualties except for the members of his squad were reported, and the only member of my squad who sustained serious injuries was Avelly, who is now in recovery.”
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The director nods his head.
“Relatively short and to the point. Great work. Is there anything else to add?”
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Out of respect, Rai’s eyes stay fixed on the director for a while longer, but his feet slowly begin to turn themselves back towards the door. “Squad?” “Prowess?” “Erasure?”
It’s hard to even add any meaning to the script he’s been given, let alone add more to it. The only thing he can think of is seclusion to sort out his thoughts. And so, he shakes his head.
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“No, that will be all, director; thank you for your time. I should be going now.”
Rai’s feet make one hazy step after another carrying him to the door like a ghost.
“Kahnyne…”
The word, the name freezes Rai in his tracks, his mind being brought back to the forefront of his consciousness.
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“... right now you’re reminding me of him, you know? When you’ve lived as long as I have, you notice these things.”
“What do you mean?”
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The director pats the seat directly in front of his desk and returns to his own.
Rai can’t help but sit down and listen; maybe this could save him.
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“You see, Kahnyne may have not been the strongest or the most durable, but without a doubt, his mind and spiritual fortitude made him the most dangerous exorcist, and possibly Ahstralan, of his time. He had never failed a single mission and there was never a problem that he couldn’t solve; he was loved for his service...”
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Normally hearing all of this would make Rai proud -- happy even -- hearing about this remarkable man who could do anything, including save someone like him, but now he just feels small.
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“... so you know, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what went on in a head like his. No matter how many times I’d ask him anything about anything, whether it be about the difficulty of an assignment or the harsh realities of souls and death, he’d say the same thing: ‘It’s only natural...’”
The director looks at the door of his room as if the memories on his mind are still playing in his head.
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“But one day, during his report to me of a relatively low-risk mission involving a woman’s house being haunted by a poltergeist, something seemed off. Before, I had always seen a machine before me. In that moment though, it was as if something had broken a code in his script. He seemed… human. And so I asked him: ‘Anything else to add?’”
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“‘What is strength?’ He asked me. And being blessed with the first of the only two questions he’d ever ask me, I told him what I’d like to believe is what led to him marrying that same woman, and being loved for his being. What I told him, I will tell you…”
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There’s something about this man, the director, that Rai can’t help but find himself drawn to. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the only person other than Xing to openly mention Kahnyne in such a manner. Maybe it’s him latching onto the wisdom from his old age. All he knows is that he can’t stop listening.
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The director pulls two trinkets from his desk, large and small, setting them in the middle with a gap in-between them.
“Most would tell you that there are two types of people in the world. The weak who have nowhere to look but upwards. They’re dangerous because they understand this; there’s no limit to what they can achieve. Then there are the strong. They’re on the top-- they always have been; they’re dangerous because they will do everything in their power to stay there and keep the rest where they are. Both of these types of people see the world through their extremes, shades of black and white…”
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Slowly, gracefully, hypnotically, the director opens his hand in the space between the trinkets like an entity making an offer that would be irresistible for a mortal to ignore.
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“...but you and I, in our own ways, have all the strength in the world, yet know exactly what it feels like to be insignificant. The strength that you have begun to understand comes from seeing the world in color, from challenging the machine that you believe it to be. Whatever it is that colors you is your answer; pursue it.”
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The director closes his hand and joins it with his other, folding them atop his desk. Rai’s mouth opens and closes indecisively in response to the silence between them, wondering if there’s more to what the man in front of him has to say. He knows that the advice is up to interpretation, that it’s undoubtedly full of wisdom that he can only begin to scratch the surface of. But...
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“You look dissatisfied, Rai.”
“I’m sorry, director… I’m sure that may have been able to help Kahnyne, but my problem is that I don’t feel strong. I don’t feel weak. I don’t feel… anything. And when I do, it’s so hard to speak that I just end up working backwards and making things worse. It makes me wonder what I’m even doing here...”
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The director slightly leans back in his seat, his folded hands now taking their place above his crossed legs, his eyes now taking on a similar gaze as when all three of the trainees were before him.
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“Have you ever considered that your priorities are in the wrong place?
Love, friendship, wealth, power, joy, the things that bring both happiness and sadness to life. Maybe those things aren’t for everyone... what I told Kahnyne leads everyone down a different path. A man my age notices these things. Have you considered the possibility that your color lies not in earthly desires, but in changing the world itself?”
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The world? An odd shiver runs through Rai’s spine. From the gravity of those words? From the question of…
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“How can I change the world when I can’t even properly confront the relationships in my life?”
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“I don’t think you understood, Rai. What I’m suggesting is that maybe those relationships should become secondary. Now don’t get me wrong, an ahstralan draws so much power from their soul’s “state of mind”, from the bonds that can help strengthen that… but perhaps you should start looking elsewhere for your inspiration. We live in a world where not every relationship even wants to be confronted. If all of your focus goes into fighting those battles, you might just find yourself blinded to something that’s been in your face all along.”
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Rai’s eyes drift up to the ceiling.
His mother.
His father.
Kahnyne.
Sherwin.
Nina.
Anni.
… Bly.
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“Thank you, director. Maybe I have been going about this the wrong way.” A thought spoken aloud.
“But why does hearing that make me feel so… relaxed.” A thought kept to himself.
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The director nods his head.
“No, thank you, Rai. It’s a pleasure to get a chance to see a bit into the minds of our organization’s trailblazers; you all will surely change the world someday. With that being said, feel free to come back anytime even if there’s no report to be delivered.”
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Rai’s stopped right before exiting the room.
“Ah, how could I forget!? It may be in poor taste considering the nature of the assignment, but it doesn’t change the fact that you and your peers have reached a point that many others have not. Congratulations, Agent Rai! Ha, this sounds kind of like an Old World spy movie, doesn’t it?”
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“I guess it does. Well, I’ve read something similar at least. Thanks again,” he responds while wearing a slight chuckle and smile.
He closes the door behind him, dropping both his masks.
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--
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Months pass. Missions are completed. Laughs are had. Tears are shed. Distance is established. Letters are written. Never answered.
Every night Rai hears the same noise; every night Rai catches a glimpse of the same sight:
Sherwin, Nina, and Anni training together-- growing together. But every night the same thought crosses his mind.
“Secondary, huh?”
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