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John's POV
Our kind can't kill...so they think.
At least not the case with me. Cara is getting suspicious and Stephen is fighting his own battles with Ultra.
Me? Nobody knows. Nobody should know either. They wouldn't trust me anymore or hold me as their leader if they found out I was lying to them all along.
But I want to tell them. I want to tell somebody. I can't describe how it feels to hold this secret in for so long. To know I was a lethal weapon for Jedikiah.
I don't believe anyone would understand it. So I had to close myself off to people, to everyone, blocking intrusions to my mind and entire history.
The unfiltered truth.
I am a monster. I thought I was doing right by my job, my mission. I was assured this and didn't question authority, I couldn't question them. Once I was made this way I couldn't go back. This was my doing and I had to live with the ramifications of what it did, what it's still doing to me.
There is no going back to the way things were. If everyone in our hideout knew who I really am, god, I don't want to confront what would happen, not even in my deeply buried thoughts.
I feel imprisoned in the choices I made. Watching this team try to survive, helping them along the way, being there for each other, that's what I need to care about. Not this distraction, I just have to put more walls up than I already have.
I can't let this get to me anymore. Cara is starting to see cracks in my character. I can't let the real me slip through. Everybody, new and old breakouts are freaked out enough, having to hide from the rest of the human race.
But we are humans. We mean something. We are the next stage of human evolution. Why do we have to fight so hard for our lives?
We are superior, most of us can't kill, true, but that doesn't mean accidents can't happen.
I've been lying to everybody I care about. I've been living a lie. And I hate myself everyday for it. With each second I die inside, putting on this tough exterior so nobody around me crumbles. We can't afford to. I can't let that happen.
We are the tomorrow people. We are the future. And the future is not set...yet. But it can change if we want it too.
I broke out of my daze when I heard the door behind me swing open.
"John, it's happening...another breakout. She needs our help." Cara said urgently.
No matter how many times we've been doing this I still worry about the fate of our species.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
