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Astronaut Candidate #1: Subject 135 AKA, “Potato”
Mission: Polus Colonization
Gender: M
Age: 5yrs
Job: Botanist
Training: Complete
Tests: Negative
Approved
Hello! I’m supposed to write about my life or whatever for some reason. Not entirely sure why, but it’s probably just to put more papers into the mission file or whatever. There’s a bunch of stuff I’m not allowed to talk about, so this seems kinda pointless, but I guess if this is what they want me to do, I’ll do it.
So Hi. My name is Potato! That’s technically a nickname. My actual name is Subject 135. You're probably wondering why my parents named me that. They didn't. I actually don’t have parents. Well, I technically do, but plants don’t really keep track of their families. Okay, I’m probably confusing everyone. Let me start at the beginning again.
Hi, my name is Subject 135, but I like to call myself Potato. Most people call me that actually. I’m an actual potato. I was grown in a lab in- wait, I can’t say. I was grown in a lab.
I don’t remember a lot from that part of my life. I remember feeling the dirt, having everything I needed and feeling satisfied. I shared my feelings with the other plants. There were others. Lots of others. Some of them would get some kind of bacteria and they disappeared within a few days after getting sick. I think at least one of them could have survived. I’m not sure what happened to them. There were others that were just really old, and some seeds just never sprouted.
I never got sick though. Neither did my brother. I have a brother by the way. Okay, he’s not technically my brother but we were grown together, and plants don’t technically have families, so we’re brothers. His name is Carrot. Well, he’s technically subject 134, but he’s a carrot, so he’s called Carrot.
There was one day where I felt a pull on my stem, and then I was taken from the dirt. My vision was clouded by earth, but I could kinda see the room. I was taken out, and I can’t really say what happened next. I remember at some point I woke up and felt… different. I wasn’t awake for long though.
When I woke up again, I was sore all over. The scientists helped me up and asked me to tell them my name. I had no clue how to speak or understand them at the time, and was distracted by my hands.
It took me a year to learn how to understand and speak English. It was only after a ton of tests that the public was finally told that I existed. The day all the news channels showed up it was the most chaotic I had ever seen the lab.
There were a bunch of reporters and camera crews trying to get an interview with me or my brother. I had asked about him a couple times before, but I don’t think they realized I was talking about Carrot.
Some of the news channels wanted to get both of us, so we were allowed to see eachother again. We were given half an hour to “meet, and get to know each other” before the interviews.
We hugged and caught up. He had been through similar things I had. He still had both his eyes though. Oh, I forgot to mention that. I have one eye. My left one… it’s not there anymore.
The interviews were kinda weird. They asked for our names, and I asked if they meant the names we went by, or our actual names. We ended up giving them both. There was a lot we wern’t allowed to talk about, but we did mention how we were brothers.
A few months later, we started training to become astronauts. I guess they thought it would be a good idea to send plant people into space. The training took around 4 years. I trained as a botanist, and Carrot trained as the ship’s security guard.
I guess that brings me here. My brother’s story will probably be similar. I’m super excited for the mission! I can’t wait to meet the rest of the crew!
ns 15.158.61.20da2
