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Art hand dawn by Eridanus
Astronaut Candidate #2: Subject 134 AKA, “Carrot”
Mission: Polus Colonization
Gender: M
Age: 5yrs
Job: Security Guard
Training: Complete
Vaccinations: Complete
Tests: Negative
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Alright, guess I’m doing this now. Seems like a huge waste of time to write out my life story when it’s pretty well known already, and nobody is gonna read this, but whatever. Like my brother said, this is probably just to make the file look bigger. (I wasn’t technically supposed to read his, but I did. Deal with it.)
Alright, let’s get things straight. My name is Carrot. Call me Subject whatever, and I’m gonna ignore you till you call me by my name then taze you. That’s right, I’ve got a taser. That’s what happens when you’re trained to be the ship’s security guard. You get weapons. That’s really the only perk.
So, as my brother said, we were grown in a lab in *********** Wait, was I not supposed to say that? Whatever, someone will black it out. There were a bunch of other plants, but we were the only ones that actually worked.
They did some weird stuff to bring us to life.
I woke up, and of course I immediately punched the nearest person. What was I supposed to do? I was hurting all over and there were weird creatures touching me. I was a pretty bad fighter at the time, so it was pretty easy for them to ****************** Wait, am I allowed to say that? Eh, it’s fine.
It took me like a year to learn english. It was SUPER boring, but I had nothing else to do. I kept asking about what had happened to my brother, but they had no clue who I was talking about. I told them his name was Potato, and they STILL had no clue what I was talking about, so that was frustrating.
So they did a bunch of tests to make sure that I was “stable” whatever that was supposed to mean. It hurt. A lot. There was this one test where they literally ****************************************** Wait, I’m not supposed to talk about the tests… whoops. Someone will blur it out.
I finally saw Potato before the interviews with a bunch of news channels. I was so relieved to see him. Then I got mad. His left eye… Potato had to calm me down. If he hadn’t, I probably would have hurt one of the scientists. What was I supposed to do? They hurt my brother! They deserve it!
After I found out that they had done the same things they had done to me to him… I only kept calm because Potato was around. I just hugged my brother and told him that I would protect him from now on.
The interviews were boring. Potato did most of the talking really. He was so exited to meet new people. I was bored, but Potato was so happy I didn’t want to ruin his mood.
We had to separate a few times during training. I wasn’t happy about that. I trained to be a security guard for the ship. I got to learn how to fight which was the best part. I kept telling the scientists and the people training us that Potato and I would do every mission together. I was very clear that I would only go if we were together.
The training took around four years, and now I’m done I guess. Potato is really excited to meet our crew. I guess I kinda am too.
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