The glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity. Everyone calls me these names.
I let out a helpless smile and step into the cabin. Into the universe I go. Into the black hole I go.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
Why are you leaving for the black hole?
Because I am the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
You'll die!
Who cares?
Why do you not care?
Because I am the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
Carrying these titles with me justifies my death, which is exciting news to others.
Everyone will remember me as the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
Nobody will remember the real me.
Nobody is interested in remembering the real me.
Captain pats me on the shoulder. With a smile, he advises me not to think too much about this nonsense.
‘If contemplating the purpose of my existence is nonsense, then what else could possibly be any more meaningful?’
‘The data we send back to Earth will help to boost technological development, allowing society to prosper.’
‘So that’s why we should die for this?’
‘For our family! For our country! For humanity!’
I didn’t understand this.
‘We’ were the ones who formed families. Families established countries. Countries founded humanity.
Without ‘us’, there wouldn’t be any families, would there? Without families, there wouldn’t be any countries, would there? Without countries, there wouldn’t be humanity, would there?
‘We’ are the ones that are the basic building blocks of everything!
Then why are ‘we’ the first ones to be sacrificed?
Captain says my mental stability has gone downhill. My teammates hold me down and put me in a small room.
There aren’t any families, countries or humanity here.
A place that belongs only to me.
I like being alone.
Life should be like this.
Why do we need families, countries, and humanity to make sense of our lives?
Why can these components pose a threat to the most important ones, despite being second-rated?
‘We’ were robbed by the glory of our family.
Families were robbed by the pride of nations.
Nations were robbed by the symbol of humanity.
Or were ‘we’ caught in our own trap?
It was ‘us’ who created these concepts in our heads and restricted ourselves.
Without them, we can still breath, excrete, exercise, grow, reproduce, react and take in nutrients.
Without them, we can still survive.
Why do we cross our bridges before coming to them?
Because we want to find meaning beyond our existence.
What is it then?
We don’t know. We can’t find it.
That explains why we have fabricated such concepts to fill in the void.
Families. Glory.
Countries. Pride.
Humanity. Symbol.
Very well.
Well completed.
Yet, as Death falls before us, they aren’t worth a penny.
Right before I take my last breath, I’m still not sure whether I’m truly the glory of our family, the pride of our country, and the symbol of humanity.
Right before I take my last breath, the only thing I’m certain of is that my life is slipping away.
Right before I take my last breath, I’m sure that the only one who’s sensible enough is myself.
Right before I take my last breath, the only companion I have is myself.
I’m the most important.
What am I?
What counts as myself?
The door opens.
I join the others during mealtime.
Captain hands me a loaf of bread.
‘Thanks. Would you give me more butter? I love butter.’
My teammates worry about my condition.
‘I’ve already calmed myself down. I feel better now. Thanks for your concern.’
Everything goes on the way they did before, as if nothing special happened.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
What am I?
What counts as myself?
I’ve never stopped thinking.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
Following our plan, we start to expose the machines and apparatus at a certain distance outside the cabin, so as to collect data and send them back to Earth.
It is estimated that we will reach the event horizon of the black hole within a month, during which we will be torn into shreds along with the spaceship.
Captain asks if anyone wants to send personal messages or videos.
Silence sweeps across the room.
Time for dinner.
Teammate A bragged about being an amateur photographer. He’s very eager to take a series of photos for everyone.
Teammate B brought along a nice suit, and is willing to share it around.
Teammate C’s really good at cooking, and asks if anyone has a dish in mind.
Teammate D misses Grandma’s apple pie dearly…
Captain notices me being quiet.
‘I used to be a kid who sat around doing nothing, and people told me off for not cherishing my own life.
I’m now the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
Because I have chosen to give up my own life.
The question doesn’t lie in how I treat it, but rather how this meets everyone else’s expectations.’
Beside the table sat only me and Captain.
‘Why be an astronaut if you’re scared of death?’
‘Because I am the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.’
‘Were you left with no choice?’
‘I was outnumbered.’
‘You’re so weak.’
‘There’s no turning back.’
‘Do you have any last wishes?’
‘My last wish is to have no last wishes.’
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
As the days of reaching the event horizon draw near, Captain and the others keep on sending a bunch of personal messages back to Earth.
I haven’t done so.
I just want to spend time alone.
At this very moment, the shocking realisation hits me. Despite shaving for this person all these years, I still don’t really understand him.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
I used to be a kid who sat around doing nothing, and people told me off for not cherishing my own life.
I’m now the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
Because I have chosen to give up my own life.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
Why be an astronaut if you’re scared of death?
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
Teammate D misses Grandma’s apple pie dearly…
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
You'll die!
Who cares?
Why do you not care?
Because I am the glory of our family. The pride of our country. The symbol of humanity.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
I love butter.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. But I am not myself anymore.
Life was supposed to be like that.
My beard is a part of me. I shave it off. My beard is not a part of me anymore.
I used to be myself. I am myself. I am not myself anymore.
What am I?
What counts as myself?
I’ve never stopped thinking.
I didn’t stop thinking.
I think.
I.458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ076HYv6bZa
