One of my first memories was my mom always telling me, Matilda, you always want to be first. No one remembers second place, as second place is the first loser of the contest. Winning is all that mattered. So as I walked by my old haunts in Valen heading towards Paddy and Sabrina's for the weekly Wings and Trivia, there was a lingering bit of excitement... and apprehension.
Thinking back a few years, I was the best at everything, both academics and sports. I was captain of two sports teams, the quiz team and a member of the student council. I wasn't old enough for president or head girl at the time, but I felt it was mine to be taken. And then I met... her. Raine Millia Avalon. Even now saying her name causes me to cringe. That year I was expected to complete a sweep no one had ever done; the 100m and 400m sprints and hurdles. I blew away the competition in the heat, I had even beaten Raine by a full five seconds in the 400m hurdles. I was on my way to an assured victory I felt the following day. But then that gunshot that would shatter my world. Raine was two lanes on my inside and much to my horror she slung around the final bend and came up alongside me. I panicked and clipped the final hurdle. I had been humiliated, in front of my classmates, in front of potential scholarship scouts, but most importantly, in front of my family.
Despite winning the 100m that year, and Raine's time going on to be a record my parents said not a word to me. I had failed in a most spectacular way in the 400m hurdles, finishing the race dead last before closing out by missing the entire podium in the 100m hurdles. Their silence spoke more volumes to me than any words ever did. No words of comfort and congratulations from friends and classmates could fill the hollow void of my parents' silence.
After that day, I swore I'd never have that wall of silence again. I would never have to see the hollow eyes of disappointment from my parents. I graduated top of my class, in high school and earned a scholarship to university. It gave back a measure of redemption, but still I seek out contests to validate my purpose in life.
As I sit down at a table, the barkeeper announces my arrival and my number of straight wins. Forty Five straight weeks of winning. Almost an entire year. My parents might not be here anymore, but winning still remains a part of my life. As they reveal the categories, I grin to myself. Tonight will be a good night. Another step towards complete victory and another step away from the bitter taste of defeat. And one day towards complete redemption over Raine for the darkest day in my life.
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