My mouth stretched from east to west that afternoon while my fingers touched the part that Ester had tended to at the makeshift hut. I was hoping we could have met in another circumstance, not like this, when I wasn't even "man" enough to begin with. She might regard me as an "ate" forever, thanks to the fake diamonds of mama's golden butterfly ipit.
The sound of Naya's voice stopped me from marveling.
"Hey Judy," she called.
"Ate," I acknowledged. "What brought you here?"
"I got bored," she answered, and laced her arms around mine as soon as she reached me. "You're smiling. Did you enjoy working with the whole barangay?"
I nodded. "That and more."
She smiled meaningfully. "Now you're making me want to hear about that 'more.' Why don't you walk with me to the house?"
My eyes widened in surprise.
"You sure?" I asked, "Won't the hundred steps pop your bubble? It's not your due yet."
She playfully hit my arm. Wow, for a woman about to give birth in four months, she was surprisingly strong!
"It's my second trimester, silly," she said, "The doctor told me I needed to walk more often to lose weight. Come on, I want to see the house."
And before I could reply, she quickly added, "And I'm really dying to know about that 'more' you are talking about."
I chuckled. Ben must have really found a woman like himself.
We walked at a slow pace toward their house. While doing so, a sudden thought popped into my head.
"Um... Ate," I said, "How did you end up with kuya Ben?"
Her eyes widened.
"What? Are you really asking that now?" she asked.
"Come on, just humor your curious ‘sister,’ in-law," I answered.
Her fingers rose to massage her chin, oblivious to the emphasis I put on the term 'sister.'
"Well, we used to work together at a Milktea shop in town," she recalled. "I was working behind the counter; he was a barista. He talked a lot, to all of us, actually. But he seemed to enjoy talking to me. He's got lots of fond stories about your family, especially Mama."
I nodded. "Oh... And?"
She couldn't help but smile at the memory. "And then one day, he just won't stop smiling at me, helping me clean up, and taking me home. Next thing I knew, we're together."
I nodded, watching her hands link together and her face daydream like a love-crazed teenager.
"He never changed," she continued. "Even though I kept asking and asking him when we would settle down, he didn't get frustrated. He just smiled or made me laugh. He gives me a reason to wake up every day."
The sincerity of her words caused envy to bubble in my gut.
"I could no longer bear the idea of us living apart, so..." she shook her head and rubbed her big belly, her face frowning. "I'm really sorry that it had to trouble all of you, especially mama."
"No, don't say that," I gently interrupted. "If anything, I'm glad to see Ben's face glowing every day since you got married. He must have wanted the same thing too, but he needed to find a proper job first."
"Alright... so why did you ask?" she asked.
"Well," I said, arguing with my conscience if I should tell her about that thing with Ester or not.
Finally, the happiness I have been feeling overpowered me. I closed my eyes, smiling to myself.
"I saw this girl at your wedding and I kind of stared at her the whole day," I said. "But I never had the courage to even get her name."
"Oh?" she uttered in surprise. "Really?"
I nodded. "Then today, I was surprised to see her helping in the kitchen."
"I see... What does she look like?"
"She's..." I bit my lower lip. "One of your bridesmaids, actually."
Her mouth widened in both surprise and amusement.
"The only one who did not wear makeup in the group," I continued.
"Bridesmaid, no makeup," she muttered to herself, her eyes looking upward as if jogging her memory.
And in what seemed like a realization, she blurted out, "Oh, I remember! Is it Ester? She's my sister!"
My lips stretched uncontrollably upon hearing the name.
"The one and only," I answered, shaking my head as the coconut shell scene popped up in my memory. "I finally got the chance to meet her today."
"Really? Go, spill!" Naya urged me enthusiastically.
And I related to her how I finally got to know her sister, from the moment Ben convinced me to try it up to the time Ester and I parted ways. Naya's shoulders shook in sheer pleasure, her palm dropping a number of playful hits on my arm as she guffawed at my story. I was worried her baby might pop out at her vigorous reaction, but she didn't seem to mind.
She paused her walking. As she faced me, her expression slowly went from extremely happy to tender. One of her hands gently landed on my shoulder.
"I'm so happy for you," she said, smiling. "You know, even though mama wants you to be Judy and not Jude."
I chuckled at her accurate observation. She kept on, enclosing my hands in her soft fingers.
"Just remember that whatever choice you make in life, you've got my back, as I've got yours."
A wave of touching stings washed over my chest after hearing her words. I smiled in gratitude, wishing her kind of thinking would rub off on my mother. Then we continued walking.
We stopped at the foot of the hill and watched the boys put up the house from a distance.
"See? One hundred rocky steps. It could be slippery," I told her. "Still going to push it?"
She just shrugged.
We both turned our heads when someone called.
"Hey!" It was Ben, calling Naya. He wouldn't have that glowing smile if he was looking at someone else.
He hurried down to where we were standing and rested an arm over his wife's shoulder. "What you doing here, girl?" he asked her.
"I came to check on my house," Naya answered with pride, but in jest. "Any complaints?"
My stomach started craving popcorn as they started to bicker.
Ben's smile wouldn't leave his face. "No, but you should be resting at home."
Naya placed her hand on her hip.
"And who says so, my dear hubby?" she asked with one brow arched.
"Says me," he said, and in a matter of seconds, his heavy wife was in his arms like a basket of laundry.
Naya squealed in surprise.
"Put me down!" she yelled, laughing at the same time. Her fingers ruffled her husband's dark, shaggy hair. "You’re embarrassing me!"
"Nah, I've got to take you home first," said Ben, his brows meaningfully wiggled up and down and he started moving away from the hill.
I couldn't help but chuckle, hearing Naya's fading voice tell Ben to get a shower first before touching her. My head shook as I smiled, wondering if I could see myself in that scenario with Ester.
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I was in the middle of setting the table when Mama called aloud from the door, telling us that she had a big haul at the ukay-ukay this afternoon. Of course, we were required to meet her and dig into a bunch of imported, preloved garments. When I arrived at the family room to join the commotion, she was already lifting a cute, pink blouse and handing it to Ben.
"O, Ben, anak, give this to your wife, ha? She needs to look pretty if she doesn't want you to be stolen," she said in an attempted joking tone, making me wonder how the new family member would take what she said.
I decided to stop by the divider and watch the rest of our brothers rummage through a mountain of ukay-stuff.
"What's wrong?" It was Joe. "You don't like anything?"
I turned my head backward to see him sitting at the head of the table.
"I could ask you the same question," I replied.
"My closet is full," he said. "What about you?"
"There's no stuff for me that doesn't look like women's apparel, so no can do today," I answered.
He chuckled.
"Good," he said.
I released a sigh.
"Tell me, kuya, do you have any idea why mama is dying to, you know, raise me as a girl?" I asked.
He shrugged. "None. She's been doing that since you were changing diapers."
True.
I can even remember how Mama lied to the brothers nearly my age that I was a girl. She always bought me pink stuff, from shirts to swaddles. Even my soap and baby powder was pink. Then she collected a bunch of cute yet irritating clips or bands to put on my head. And she would take pictures of me wearing those things. She would also make me do girly dances from Tiktok when the social media site was still in style. I wonder if anyone in the family has saved a picture of me not wearing girly stuff.241Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvfecjDlIW
But when my brothers saw my "junior" for the first time, they were disappointed. Lev, in particular, because, like mama, he was overjoyed to have a female sibling to protect in times of danger. He used to be sweet and caring, but as we grew older, he began throwing shades at me, especially when Mama kept dressing me up as a girl.
Mama would also brag to her church friends about how much she loved and embraced me despite my decision to choose a different path when the truth was that she was the one steering the wheel for me.
I have always wanted to be a man, like my elder brothers. I wanted to do manly things, grow muscles and facial hair, and have a family of my own. Why the idea sounded like a crime to our God-fearing mother, I could only assume.
"Why would any of you allow this to happen for such a long time?" I asked.
"Why not? It's your life," he replied.
"Judy!" Mama called in a loud voice, "Come on, I have something that would look great on you!"
Before he spoke, Joe and I exchanged knowing glances.
"You want to check it out?" he asked.
I made a face.
"Do I have a choice?" I asked back.
I stood and dragged my feet to the family room.
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