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The days fell into a rhythm after that - I'd get up, shower, have the breakfast left for me at my door, put the tray outside my door for collection, walk around my room a few times, sit on my bed, have lunch, put the tray outside my door for collection, walk around my room a few times, sit on my bed, have dinner, put the tray outside my door for collection, sit on my bed, brush my teeth, and go to bed.
Days blurred into weeks, and before I knew it, the months were flying by seamlessly. I had no way of knowing what day it was, let alone what month, but outside, I sometimes heard a celebration, and I used that to mark the days. Faith would be choosing her mate out there, as would my cousins, and the party would go well into the night, sometimes even to the next morning.
But I had no part of it, and since I had so much time on my hands, I let my mind wander. Without Gambit, I had no one to bounce my thoughts off, and I found myself wondering if my pack were really as bad as I made them out to be. I didn't fit into their ideals, but that was no reason for me to be so dismissive of them.
Yet, every time I let my mind fall into that pattern, memories would emerge, and they'd carry a sting to remind me of all the pain my pack had caused me - abused, ignored, treated like dirt, left to fade into the background, threatened, attacked, hurt, disparaged; the list went on, and I held onto that. I remembered childhood days when my parents had expressed disappoinment I wasn't the pretty porcelain doll they wanted me to be. I remembered crying when Mother told me she was going to have another little girl, and I remembered being hurt, not happy at the birth of my baby sister, because three-year-old me knew I was being replaced. It wasn't my fault! I wanted to scream to them, and I did, often, crying and sobbing in the middle of the night, begging for even a small scrap of attention so I wouldn't feel so alone. But Mother told me to go away when I ran to her for comfort, and Father mocked me for crying, telling me I was weak.
And I remembered how happy I'd been to meet Gambit - and how disappointed my parents had been. I recalled endless screaming matches between me and them when they threatened to have her killed for being runt - and Father had been so angry he'd hit me in the head several times, screaming at me for being weak, for being useless, and for messing up the one thing he thought I might be good at. Mother had told me when I'd come out of the coma I'd been placed into that he'd kept hitting me long after I'd passed out, and that she'd screamed at him to stop, only for him to scream back at her that she was a stupid bitch for defending me. Only the intervention of her wolf, Jet, had prevented Father from killing us both that day.
But that had been the only time Mother had defended me; she didn't want a dead child on her hands, but it hadn't been out of love for me. She'd worried all the while about what would happen to Faith if her father went to jail for manslaughter, and I'd been sad to realise it was always ever going to be about Faith. I was the forgotten child, until Faith, hating that I could remain in the background so easily, spitefully arranged things to ensure Father and I crossed paths. Faith had always hated me for being the eldest, and she'd often complained loudly that it wasn't fair, that she wanted to be the eldest, but being the eldest had been no picnic for me; I wasn't even allowed to use the eldest's traditional role of Theta, which had made Faith very angry, enough for Father to change the rules and make her the Theta, thus making her heir to his title. 75Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dBK16BgKo
And that had hurt worst of all, until now.
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Father came to my room to tell me Faith was now with cub, and thus, he had no more use for me. He said he was casting me out of the pack, and I had his permission to go wherever I wished and do whatever I wanted. I was, he told me, a worthless piece of meat, and if I had any sense, I'd kill myself. 75Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ463pojE9hY
I wanted to, but as he left my room, I realised he'd just given me my one way ticket out of this house. But as with everything he told me, I took it with a grain of salt. He could say I was free to leave all he wanted, but in reality, I suspected he would have me killed the moment I reached a safe haven outside the pack's influence. And if he didn't do it, Faith would; I was a threat to her and her unborn cub, or so she thought. Faith would rather see me dead than see me free from the pack, but she didn't have the power to command me; Father did, and he'd used it to sever my ties to the pack. I'd felt it the moment he'd formally declared me as cast out, and for the first time, I felt free, free to do as I wanted and go wherever I wished. 75Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8yOEhAuPG
But first, I had to get out of the house alive. I no longer had Gambit to help conceal me, so it would be even harder, but I was determined to leave no matter what it took.75Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jb9Peduz3
My mind made up, I grabbed a suitcase and began packing as fast as I could. I had no money, but there were ways and means of getting what I needed, and though I cringed at the thought of selling myself, it was either that or die.
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