// 聯副繽紛版主題徵稿，題目「選擇的兩難」，文長 < 500 字35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQHXLWE7Yh
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那時，我確實感受到某種真切的絕望與恐懼感。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJ4AQ83y7P
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人物自是我本人，時間是沒有課的星期三下午，地點是媽媽任教的學校辦公室，物品是主任的一只高級的青瓷花瓶，至於事件……35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwYlyITEXG
小玩伴們一口氣跑光了，只剩我還在原地發愣。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Mk34FY1h
我嘗試冷靜下來，並分析現在的情況，可腦中千迴百轉，嗡嗡聲不絕於耳。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDzBvIHe10
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有著某些誰，不斷說著「糟糕了」、「做壞事」、「汙點」、「身敗名裂」等等字詞，我的胸口像往內凹陷了一個深壑，有些呼吸不到空氣。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9hhvyX8qi
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「怎麼會這樣……」35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpnxBV7i0o
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小學三年級的沒事做小孩，就愛坐在有滑輪的椅子上滑來滑去，以為自己在溜冰場，卻忘記空間有限，那聲清脆的「框啷——」可是迴盪於每個人耳中。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRaZFvzEEy
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這情況完全不可逆，彷彿我殺了誰——35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjINtVe0UW
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是了，那個花瓶就是我殺死的，散落出的土壤便是流淌一地的鮮血。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8hCCN9P0G
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剛好大人們都暫時外出的下午辦公室，就成為活生生的作案現場。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDumVvbX64
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我盯著花瓶的遺骸，認真想著自己該怎麼辦？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSjNECPuwJ
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就這麼丟著逃跑吧？不，不行，這樣馬上就會被發現的。快想啊！身為品學兼優、老師小孩、模範乖寶寶、行事秉持完美主義的我，必定能想出解法的吧？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoX36kaRuB
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我用還有點發抖的手把辦公室前後門都拉上、鎖了起來，再小心翼翼而有些費力地拖拉著那只頗有重量、幾乎快與辦公桌等高的長花瓶。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloGFbjNYK2
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我把從中間破掉的花瓶轉九十度後靠著辦公桌，讓沒有裂痕的那一面轉向外頭。因為破裂部分是完整的一大塊而非碎成小片，只要沒人移動，就能抵著辦公桌維持原貌，並將遺落在外的土仔細撿乾淨、鋪回花瓶裡，前後花了約莫半小時「清理現場」，結束後不忘將椅子歸位、清洗雙手。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5o5zvHJkQy
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「沒錯，我處理好了，應該沒問題吧？」我想著。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktEshGMZSW
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但腦袋裡令人不安的嗡嗡聲換成了其它句子，直到離開學校前的那三個小時、在回家的路上都沒有消失。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdNsXeD5s4
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「媽咪……」我怯生生開口，迎來詢問的眼神。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfRjMPMBZR
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——辦公室裡是不是有裝監視器呢？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj17RdPKOMB
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——我會從此被貼上壞小孩的標籤吧？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneBF4zoxxc
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——但被發現的時候又要怎麼圓謊？說我不在有用嗎？如果問了其他人就破功了吧？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuYG3el8jJ
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——那個花瓶應該很貴吧？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBOJKtsrZo
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宛如落進幽深山洞，每往裡頭走一步，字句及情境便不斷回放，吞食挖掘著良心與不安。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJtc8pGVhe
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「……沒事。」我選擇壓下淹到喉頭的坦承。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRcsTC8OEu
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坐在公車上搖搖晃晃的腦袋，嘗試把回音從腦袋裡甩去。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4I7mnoTiW
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雖有些分不清楚，但不管是打破花瓶甚至嘗試掩蓋，從一開始就已經錯了、已經沒有辦法維持完美的樣子了，我選擇讓黑洞擴大，是否為成為一輩子的陰影呢？而我選擇說出來，是否還能得到原諒呢？35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVTNKmfVdF
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那時，我確實感受到某種真切的絕望與恐懼感。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMweNvdLx7
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「媽咪……」下了公車，向前走了幾步的我停下來，「我……我打破了主任的花瓶，下午的時候。」托出艱難字句的我幾乎要嘔吐出來，頭皮微微發麻。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0J3CvIGIMw
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「喔？這樣啊。」媽媽看著我，思索道，「這個就是你下午看起來怪怪的原因？」我才發現，原來自己的故作鎮定根本不堪一擊。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BW9g9jG6w
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「那明天再去跟主任道歉吧。」媽媽說，「至於花瓶……，這兩天再找找哪邊有類似的賠給人家。」35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHLfeaHsgj
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我深深吐出一口氣，選擇面對這個黑洞。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkaHcVBBZY
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隔天，我扭捏地坦承犯行，主任當然沒放在心上，反而只關心我有沒有被碎片弄受傷，連花瓶也擺擺手叫我們不用賠，不過後來媽媽當然還是帶著我找了一只類似的，記得花了兩千元左右。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAImGJlSqC
而先前那些縈繞腦中的聲響與黑洞，也在不知不覺中消失了。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA4lMtLO34
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現在想來雖不免一笑，可這事至今我卻仍記憶深刻。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOrgZWKUDw
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在更後面的求學、工作路上，遇過他人狡辯、曲解、嘲諷、誣陷與不信任，方更深刻體會到，選擇承認錯誤這件事，從來都是不容易的吧。35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNXFVM4Ujg
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以上是沒刪減過的原文，精煉內容反而花了比較多時間(汗)35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzHN6tj7Ed
