We said our goodbye’s to Nora and David after eating a full breakfast of bacon, sausage, and eggs. They would be back in two weeks to stay with us until….. I couldn’t think about it. I didn’t want to.
Sam was busy with his family until later, so I resorted to hanging out with Olivia. She spent her day banging her head on the computer keyboard in frustration. Writing stuff, probably. I left her alone after a while. The rest of the house was quiet, with everyone gone. I was on my way upstairs when I heard the door open and shut. I went back downstairs to find Lena in the entryway. She looked distressed.
“Hey, you okay?”
She fell to her knees and started to sob into her hands. I took that as a no.
She wasn’t one to be hugged, so I just sat next to her.
When she was done she asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her.
“I just need to do something to get my mind off of things. It’s getting so hard. Especially on the bad days. Violet, watching her fade more and more every day is so hard. Sometimes I wonder if it’s right for me and Gregory to be there. I mean we only just got married. We haven’t had enough time to get acquainted to being married.” She said from the passenger seat. I told her that I would drive us. With this, she was relieved.
“If anyone could do what you’re doing, it’s you. Lena, you’re strong. I don’t think I could do what you’re doing.”
Lena didn’t respond. She just looked at her hands. “What kind of person would I be if I didn’t help my family in their time of need? I couldn’t live with the guilt that I could have done something to help. They need me; Sara needs me. It’s just getting so difficult to watch what’s happening. She and I talk a lot, but I can’t let my guard down. I have to be strong around her, I can’t let her know how I truly feel. She’ll only tell me to go, she won’t really need me. She’s already tried to tell me that she doesn’t need us. She’ll just say ‘go be newlyweds’. But I just can’t go. When the time comes, and she has her last breath…. I don’t know how to deal with it. It could be any day. I’m scared to wake up in the morning to have her pass away. I’ve only just gotten to know who she really is. I don’t want to lose my sister.”
I couldn’t respond. I just let her cry and vent to me.
After she had stopped crying, we went into the mall.
The shopping wasn’t therapeutic, and the silence between us only made it that much more difficult. We had a silent lunch of soup and sandwiches before heading home.
Lena dropped me off, and then headed back to her house. She didn’t want to stay.
I hid the few Christmas presents that I bought in the corner of the top shelf of my closet.
Sam arrived just past seven for our date. I tried to be happy when he came in the door. I truly was happy to see him. I liked him a lot. It was just the weight of yesterday, and Lena’s visit that weighed me down.
“I can take you home if you want.” He said to me. I could tell with this that he knew I was upset.
I started to tear up. “It’s not you Sam, I really want to be with you. I don’t need to go home.”
“But if you’re not feeling up to our date, we can reschedule.” He assured me.
I shook my head. “I need to get out. I’m fine, I promise.” I smiled through my tears.
He grabbed my hands. “Violet, you can always talk to me. I hope you know that.”
I looked at him and just sobbed.
Sam started the car.
“No, I want to go on our date.” I cried.
“Chinese food and a movie at my house seems like a good date.”
I smiled, but I was still crying. “Thanks.”
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