然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkCODYuVxZ
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKwqdnD109
/184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrw7VSsJzaR
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJmkGKpYLR
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41soEE0gAE
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJ68gZG0SQ
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeF7V89NNO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZDSeoghqD
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa3VLj3n17
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoUE10GlMD
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0y9jRFLj3
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn3BzUUXyP
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRH1jaTykL
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu7EZzPTA3
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5AebGNCeU
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IwXxPbufI
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCustppVDUO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODrokheuqN
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtjSWfHjnO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4S4q4Zp9HF
他心情不好便會打她。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAg7XSS5Pc
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtRI3JjCaO
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70McMVweoy
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9IGP4wUhj
一下一下打下去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIULVOsdOoO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZGEHjesB7
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmMYsLYnNm
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsbR5pMgp8
「我無唔聽話呀！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnqcjWJOtK
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjkbOTVRPd
「仲講大話！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEvbQhYS04
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmihRfEILO
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKOpKM6seO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBI6G6X8Mju
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUfEeUE05a
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MuTuDHgpd
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouNWMsmpyj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrd3F21LvP
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMAp1q6Odx
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B4IqqI8iB
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoBnR2oEE5
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVJ0NzNtmt
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8yH7d0TlF
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NwAwwuRrm
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk31yg9aXo8
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QJOoen6TQ
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZ3NIFFOFr
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDX8a31fto
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtucR2Pfca
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ9T3tyhEq
/184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRkrIO900Q
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMwfe8SYeb
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYy5IiKJjB
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64nkQBiXZ1
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAeLfgaqh7
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5nXW9m18c
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiAS3zL7UJ
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCavu5KNqnv
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLa4O8LM7I
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbARLozDMu
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42SW42yp6h
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapVgZeDSSl
「熊仔去咗邊？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tXm6qBeoD
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6FxAcWrBh
「我抌咗。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4Zn37ssjO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxpGgEKlF6
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCxmFYiTxt
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJjabpTgby
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0cutUpDba
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fGgD7c46V
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhdJkpFR3m
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmBKjUWRb0
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ7jTnhtUa
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTV0Yj7G7zL
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQQ4SsaR0h
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ05fghgjxO
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsRf74XU5z
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDc6tj4Y5t
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CqeooaaLF
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1brqYL8sXk
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JHReH2IFl
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gUBpFZwyO
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJSmuDt5TO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaEJDZfgZ2
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtUk80i5V3
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMLucWFoNS
/184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8VjOYKLRC
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEMwvePIwc
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQVbTPEUv8
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIM41XDExoT
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtocqOoOM3e
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDoURcDJBw
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTv0fC7J2U
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGj2UbxQfM
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtYN9FuqQh
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEq4wb90cd
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiA4TLv5y4
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZLaCk8Ks3
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDf3OuU1MB
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLo7uADAyEX
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZGgwtMGDd
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRyCgItmXA
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjcyXd1scO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuYOAtVOAb
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Nss9NyCcA
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf83JpIeKAY
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2imAKQTvj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKmAv5CKgV
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqyyxECbTu
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGeaTzEs8j
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBayIeWlRPA
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhJCWmlGF3
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtI1DuZQHRP
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5MHfEbbyL
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINPP7smQDN
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H17kumA6u
直至父親又打家姐。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfArtUzYwvX
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3u3fqFi9k
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIPbsaEV0e
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSaRZsXFtO
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntMhNSj2L7
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfI1fjQq4f
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcbKZ2eSF0
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj06liNP3d
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVN5FTu8Nu
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWl9Oi1nA1
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEcDtsHKw6
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVaVyO9XXz
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvToTZE6QSM
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS7E0FDBil
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNVVCX1VoH
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjYKtuDowa
「我無！」家姐搖頭。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyDo7Mhp68
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGTKXYoZ0I
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx75Cm224hH
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfZm0vkWrd
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GPocSiFtT
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfgqM0Fv1p
「多謝阿爸。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw3fHBkaUa
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBttlfCVEzi
家姐推了林蓁落地。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNl4dX5qbZn
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPba7YlVEoL
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zyORvHIdj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK5TbyEXbJ
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uWCxF4t55
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhAMOvN2Bi
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SoDazuTDz
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfldLUFIF5
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhssmzWnQE
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkuNxMJDSb
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFtpoX3KSs
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehubFBGIMX
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3tdkHY72j
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnYAUYs0cu
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184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBnOIqP8V7
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rBXmHbGkn
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHvWkqvO9f
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNH6LI5NY2
