然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZGhx0yNMv
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk56p9Dpzj
/214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcMH9G33QP
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf18TTSnAF
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9UZGTmm0N
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKAzKYnsbY
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6ks5NBGFx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wLoc85i2Y
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBW1N4avK4
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcm93voXjA2
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4jGJ9i2FL
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt7NhLtfkD
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFe53NmW8hw
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E855uN4h7
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYuHxtgjwr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nwZ0DfbfL
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03XxiA5e6W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v25h7rnzm
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKBzokPJLj
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyYb9CevGb
他心情不好便會打她。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSFeNOEfFu
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJseWbSMPvb
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkeMOTnU55
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2fDv1czTJ
一下一下打下去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQD27LXITt
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbGap8W11S
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwK8OmdJZr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakZ7t6Op2m
「我無唔聽話呀！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjfRAzdD3I
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2SknhzB13
「仲講大話！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu33Wm19BA9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbBx9spWYD
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf7bqx5y8v
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKojrV9hKo
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V6T4ZlkbQ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR6IEvL1u4
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxH6tpVfxA
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZoaWoW7tg
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF9E70UbwX
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh0dtcobWk
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubBaYzOWvv
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwnd6AGjsJ
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciuoKCZAvU
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK4yzAcGZZ
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRnZbkx9VS
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwBGgFOJC2
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPrfF7svmG
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0e0gnay3M
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmqVS1Q4vy
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZumpi1owI
/214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZKZ6VbROl
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2jrSdVG6E
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFGoMpi2N3
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSY40BMDhA
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33JJMyj9x3
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXoeZuK3rE
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXfRc8iU7Q
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AguU0HdbX
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkxQbQpdJr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7q6IxfownU
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IJAgQpxzk
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRPcc3YNch
「熊仔去咗邊？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8tXniBhtM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rZfhYo4Hc
「我抌咗。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLW5JWTFEz
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumdoe7FYEc
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cm3l6pvz8
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiwppbx2zE
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bjGCRU1ID
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidHRVRf8XN
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvRL3dRUsP
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDJQ6KPXY7
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8sXz1Sv4e
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTNC7aiGo0
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROAKdPBsE5
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoAWOdvV5D
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWcnstDWnH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDS9l3Ogvu
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqXD7JoR6S
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr5Jz01nsN
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolDItMWkrt
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLDHvMVAFK
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCReRkuYwQE
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsTTEuOL0r
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp35AMC2gwU
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8k2RPgPTC
/214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1cWzrW9Nm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlnGbkyjYl
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ68hVkzZ8
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKeqHqN8uD
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWcBqy7wMC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwBeZSD5ZV
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUobIaRCnQH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Y3G1wSAzB
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvNFm3ov9k
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nhBEeEcJb
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjotsdz1Qi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScqqlndpJm
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64BoY0r28U
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4anXf8hb67
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWbOJiRYkh
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TuZDkMYBx
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIIgsUiwVX
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF3IiLUmrI
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmcW0RpuwP
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8koLhZa0V
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPuWqrqpwi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfYcUBnGg8
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQ26rU4dql
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEiCX3l9IO
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTnMwD67mr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDOObApl4m
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapOYHxCi8C
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSxHLbUrew
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3roZmhVge
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH01eKesrY5
直至父親又打家姐。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXv3mQlOfJN
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC1Uu0xfzc
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99ktjDt5gE
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hEMu47bWO
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2roY39JUSl
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDh3BlOUJC
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPhbNHUwAa
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ULcV3cVLZ
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVr1gQ6dUZ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZoV7vN0AP
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRPpnFKjhk
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6my8GjMak2
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSUN2ablPU
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5ewofzrwe
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg04G9wZwOQ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4rFhkeZQz
「我無！」家姐搖頭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TcDXsZ3e1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9cIIRNNoT
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AiGsuuOcH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jjhEwMrdz
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ULgQmIKAI
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNccVmZrGe
「多謝阿爸。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxozDnCGi7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsFezeBRj4
家姐推了林蓁落地。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHTZbpaBFw
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJMa56KdAQ
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIgsx9DEN9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaQ6UsVYZL
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iW6S8FCN8
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcZoPxTiC2
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjGtgoYS38
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEGm9eNYUw
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15Au7WsmJr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0XdGx1WFy
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0iaJrjjt2
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eElAzuB8G
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hzZJrq9ai
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRT9epxfpz
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214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKlxwNryxs
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9iZtd0qG7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATd3Q0twto
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbjE7X2ARD
