在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqM42JQenm
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAH3oxfJ4QP
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtK1La8mRu
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslg3RBiR5n
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWaHIuVZb5
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPFv8ARD4n
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikWoSBdL71
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLRmQ6Z2cy
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUJxANf1tg
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FJpSGWtH1
「你條裙有血！」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHSxgF7w0q
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ykll5WhjX
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyF9slFIvB
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1mUB1oyyn
「大個女啦。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRCex0IWJF
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYJxuNHpg0
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIxj8J6WdO
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuqJNyR5ag
「去廁所清理吓。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWTnJpppzr
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF4LxX3SUf
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkU4uet57X
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFZkmc1k9h
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3Mmp6SsDk
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEcMSueDIp
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepqxwDCLj2
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPXEYv8nBl
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6YAR7Yayi
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR1yXmUMQB
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1aiWon07o
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKS0oH2qtA
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJBlZu6d9B
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J8mUcCxug
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZKo9lOebH
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutO2gLTXKJ
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59Qfjf1lDv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb3pfNNQLk
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaJMuFFgjO
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRD4VI9aCY
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfWjrYk8Kc
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNm4Sk5UK4
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08X16HHbJG
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08dKw5i8mm
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyb4l10qk5
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡems5AJawWn
只聽見他說：226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmHjtyQtu3
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtybkW3T2lN
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIDElWVSKV
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FyHsv1syJ
林蓁心下一沉。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZlABoPisL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPXt9LSLh8
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvz7M0MF1p
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5sytqhtTC
她又想，會不會是他口硬？226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgz6gyx9gW
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7a2cPU9nM
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoParG4y4t
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnDorVL1G9
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj8E4ZHmFN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbknVUT5n5
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknRmAP6RMW
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lomQcvrxv
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2okQajNrYq
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1ZHxoUGUG
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74M0yujsHI
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0FxsXaDxB
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0vNjka1Us
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/226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnCpsqBRs3
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDde7r2WP2
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2qbUhOmgH
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1n8s4WxVe
她去見了周立沖。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1wXA2m3Hz
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6HuxwvS1S
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vRcGfItMD
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5ce6q21F1
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TBwYRdh88
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfLFi0qdYX
「無所謂。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBvRS9TzRg
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1i6WxldzJ
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGIWLAElPX
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnInPHW9HqE
家裡沒有飯吃。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp195debEBw
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMajkQHuL0
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyQPCWgZFj
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VPxb7ZAHU
「你煮咩我都食。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCdYsBqHa9
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnJy4tJnPp
「傻瓜。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqa9XxDqBS
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他摸摸她的頭。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwWZZRl4a0
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3LAhjTbCD
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGGfMhlDVm
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJEhOcUZUg
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgqyUlDxYz
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SyZXYN4YV
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeo7HLsDgA6
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQASA0LMZxz
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjqp8THqNp
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODKuAqrjIV
「不如食咗我先。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa01H1urgU
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52fzSE9okz
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTFqYlFSTi
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4i2qxevNug
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftttcyer2o
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuzXI83hyV
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMxBrCsGse
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY0o8P1r24
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iq7C5vkIL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqVcmfZ7eH
不過，幸好，現在他在。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2fU4gV8bL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0antTe5v73
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHLpNvpTgx
