在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZizZr4VMlJ
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvAw11ocrC
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGwxX0xxJT
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1URztXjIXk
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtdmZpAQrZ
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78NXadTAP3
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NKmP2DvJr
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51VfcvYLPl
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyMynMDVRV
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB76MITqO8v
「你條裙有血！」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbejBFRAstk
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrMhGvcak7
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzyPC9Qy3a
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweIJKTfzOD
「大個女啦。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgo7o370o6
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtmzUkF7Y7
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DDQWLEnjE
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYjJfV87x4
「去廁所清理吓。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMticWy4o8
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2NG1xcRwO
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaK72xftCW
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtJbmKs17D
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOmsLdUL19
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87rcd1eKJn
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPvWX16lj8
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDqNTM3x89
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Zoke32ZE
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvPiXIt4By
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCECnXyURz
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0w3a2fFnRq
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0EzEl4BYY
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IOd1bJs6w
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DOsfQKfjx
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfH4xo4O8T
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsOaUR5SAM
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrYmqQR0Dl
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHqlxnUg0n
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AX8ZA2xZE
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBT5dXbJni
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzzx91I529
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yIGqOWJZz
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh0F5xMBvU
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKNB2C9GzG
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmikN182F7
只聽見他說：208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgQGwuUf42
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46OnJnFdi3
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVPTjSg8dj
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYEnXpUXUB
林蓁心下一沉。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGu1qoErpUI
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVWyQeF369
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMU6FwC1D6
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNnayyJK90
她又想，會不會是他口硬？208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT2EwIC2g4
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbqg2DUqCK
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhlXTexlPF
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHr9Ym3pJOj
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBmgGaFo2l
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp17OoTHidO
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡows8mIshJK
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZDj7cHDCo
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CwVoOpJsq
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLw0ChLmaN
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CGxwXn0xA
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeQr5L6YUg
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShr48c5unl
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo3QWwDGzi
/208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3j8cmyZ3s
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeckR1kUFCh
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnp3vPB1XL
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBxF0HRVko
她去見了周立沖。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1gi8hYXd7
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkxp7bhJKo
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIrjuwFszg
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoxRb0mnqL
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUAphfD2Pj
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoziUIsWOb
「無所謂。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSz9Q6bkUQ
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWjytOZH5P
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4rNnqkHBR
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuag4Fi9pi
家裡沒有飯吃。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVbrZige9C
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv45ZAiAGfG
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iN5A5N0sr
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSaw8TwVJK
「你煮咩我都食。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl4MlLDuZl
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfz4nu6Ka5
「傻瓜。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7qmbHNZ8a
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DFuPqGwF0
他摸摸她的頭。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIDQvxAkxj
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kGpSG01kF
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPxAnNin1f
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwnQT0DgGU
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8bi2kIgFs
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSd9CRbt9g
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgyulm97Zg
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzaGqKXGXL
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BLKCDft0x
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJnIDJnneV
「不如食咗我先。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKtMIAVZwY
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxvP7PuTX5
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Wiprcz8lg
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIL6NZHubI
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIwjwC8JPs
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJKbtVZ3lj
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaknqm39imf
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl2roNIXoU
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCQ3aAsz8z
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiSsE6h6bn
不過，幸好，現在他在。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DwTFGCHMa
208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ002mwdAdEU
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。208Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBIdbgYUTj
