然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KSoud49Hp
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMuPwdZTNk
/236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4KwXyTMGN
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjvM7ckQbx
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pPSXwDw0j
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRx8dBbZYfZ
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBnilIoH7L
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiLylP0e7x
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1TPaBuAGa
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JJbEcKQqo
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nEcpY4Eo5
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROpabLXxLU
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKL6oE0keg
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn9QIAKZ1R
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CTArSztoF
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvuQjGkkR7
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx0mTUzdiP
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB60YzSjA0
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gI1fO60rm
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXYtkeZTAQ
他心情不好便會打她。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5iuY7bEAL
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SYYeXCLu1
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ8CwMc4U5
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Y3e9PGYR
一下一下打下去。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeXXKMjF5A
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejiSjcRdmL
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrhRqyrqQI
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPnvGcds4M
「我無唔聽話呀！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aPJymvQcR
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvrCl17Cz7
「仲講大話！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4KO3snYfK
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh2DDxmWzA
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoYoEvZfaj
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5tI8nyR3U
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡognv7uBxDQ
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY2kiCe7kx
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk0xPGpFaI
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNqhqJBJrX
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupih9SwTUY
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndKptRjngJ
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQtLyIQIRj
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LtQP4tCQ6
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIXbRJ8Wt3
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDKDM7nItO
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzT1JYTzGh
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFznlLEOac
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bUHQgCbED
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3ZHfoTDFV
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZ8XjiBu0F
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNYgD9sQUd
/236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOzcUEleWw
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6Lsb64t6p
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfI0hAPeY6
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVao7hbVNjc
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt28zQwzsrl
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUww8MHxoU
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNjjcowdxC
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29KiWcF7Be
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2kOj12wwv
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYxPbyoEX6
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF02ZyWrN2f
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMy3colD29
「熊仔去咗邊？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHMpmJDHw9
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw6bqc4Rqh
「我抌咗。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdazvIlBoGM
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrrfatk16Y
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPNIofDDxh
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYqfouIlBZ
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrKPtYlpwa
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zJ7cLjbNv
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoIIh1dowM
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSuOe3P8Jx
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LfW7FYRoI
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxBq0uP5Jx
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTh70txTShi
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaAuHlzu6i
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURMqemu2BD
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7A69UZciY
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9V7bGyEIM
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAItvo53Tf
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡut2dLybrgB
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kcffjPbza
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQSCU0mNsp
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50N59Gkth8
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZa3waSroYj
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBL6ysBgO5j
/236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA1bYVaXET
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhguZIaF1lv
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUvbxFojR8
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiiHMQ4GEW
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWHCUHHFiX
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKuTglIJeV
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRTLErHGQr
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXZU1jHE4i
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRjdCIJx35
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgseXLZIOuY
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnSbKkAFvm
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrltMpUWhq
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pI98Dl3QF
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwky0yd24X
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YkIuzTaad
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidELKJC8pv
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshUoCdE9GV
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXnBKHAAUS
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yzjPoYHqF
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCWyRHSBmB
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj997sG1Ejk
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIJiFA0ceP
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGRuYPxx7L
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8gXjgSRk2
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQQv8vi7ci
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzNseV68Qe
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsVuJyBvWT
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR4HoqPCGM
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFLgi3YhuC
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xFnkveqaH
直至父親又打家姐。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXAVxWW6iG
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrfTysJhav
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaLDXKuKOs
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimzqiq2Ple
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTtBQOMhdK
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JVQXz8Fl6
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGhEoZjFme
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBFHN97V4y
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Xde0qx3Q
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvgdzfBh0t
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBumGbWZCW8
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kY2KsOuz7
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JLGYJLkNk
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfyaTqiDJC
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ1rs6atTY
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOMbk360R9
「我無！」家姐搖頭。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oHm7yIXPR
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwP5TepS5D
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBZSHwt50m
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqQjC0zAaR
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KUC5iMKsO
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTiu9qdGuz
「多謝阿爸。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30dlWgu96U
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72C7boSCk1
家姐推了林蓁落地。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0QqZqJdsQ
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhWwMhK5Fl
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGCfeL57NZ
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSE8R6MQkn
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBICKb7mc0E
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2cY00ToIX
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFObQFeMIRO
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97Hqa3m0Hg
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT2s2fwgsL
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Lc0cxQEXI
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZQxtRrYs3
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQON8r56aTw
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zQc9Roncb
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwW9hcAmdx
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236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmdd1VkoTM
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfr8BLIlqT
236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQR6rqlIvJ
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。236Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPstV6222OJ
