然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sCamCZzct
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210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxaqmnfMcK
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TfFHVIhaw
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGRkWMbIwI
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GJSE0Eb9n
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmltt3ak48
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNZKUEv1lJ
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHf0OiZarpm
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv57dBDgPHg
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SvMrMvEYm
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgTkkFpQ7h
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuoirpgXNT
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o9i0TO8c9
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI4A1fHZVp
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKESmItN2e
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj28R7MM8t
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pVEAjPanz
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrkkNB53Co
他心情不好便會打她。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyy3xXSHBm
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAMHok6oVT
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHqv8ZQc3Y
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoRn3Y50Xn
一下一下打下去。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIt6mpxRsS
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRPHP1kENf
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQdNWkolrf
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1i9zkg1d4
「我無唔聽話呀！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dz2VtrDD3
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJP81wlyru
「仲講大話！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmTiWbDaMN
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfReCfxffL
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTlGHIUK2Z
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSC6sJOMcd
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhKUHY8CfN
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcl0iz8yN1
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4fb08Y1Az
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K3yzWxWir
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEyxW3ffQM
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSUxyUpw86
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZnjUQSfMJ
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhn75Gf6i3
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUW6AGhhetk
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtMaK46Jqs
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2byHtC5JyA
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDqz5q5XqK
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyulhszkFub
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5uzsAZx8e
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfmXVGRogI
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmCyU66Nzj
/210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvr3ThwK46
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Bs7ix55ND
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v0wm7hBG5
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeyCPJdlKi
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyFbUgccG3
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeG2ysGwkKj
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1ZT2Q40Zb
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IZjCZaENw
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d0qbjITDJ
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVFUSB0cFS
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27hF3hLuvF
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHxgPjCD94
「熊仔去咗邊？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJigX3ZuLH
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQM9G2BXfZ
「我抌咗。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbWS5Lo7cc
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEidptXRiDp
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOETARxSP3
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tZtEE0eSZ
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVt3FNcJdg
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRVLbFqyre
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQuQMBEsr8
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyMlwaiIM6
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBD4M1VuWTa
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7QFzRYkwq
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IDHrKvMhu
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMPqJaELVy
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8301eX2VVX
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsxBD91n8c
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDeI93hfgN
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxusSC7Anr
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZAnl6ucaC
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ4PrHBA46
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyVDaCV3ok
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekaaPQVfNj
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuMdfMpT3I
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I3aD1t4cv
/210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdfLtoQ46Q
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmG8y6lsH0
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8rjElBYfg
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrX0qUyXcz
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4a32Hmbim
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1ccaR4RF3
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gxz5UhhHZ
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hznF05GXV
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4md99H1aF6
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX4rsoVjKB
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDyuwYujHN
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u8z1OLhyJ
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKH8Z3LK7f
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfVUwtbGLd
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCFaaR2fsn
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFjE86OPSF
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAM9OhpN7hf
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPb9r99oZq
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tvPsvq44F
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bmj3JneHx
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdmG5wdZnz
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1UYTtvJjb
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LVY0ohKKz
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR12s9UynX
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSA2G64Kij
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ybIjAtMHs
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkxMy9nYrj
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdE2rsub5W
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuafzaauFjN
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp07Ntroz7M
直至父親又打家姐。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iiJOItFK2
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy0se1vsUb
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpgf13UiGx
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrkuC0OpPF
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQj4OSQu0I
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSimid21k5K
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwP2ZHynFa
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BxlM9fVuS
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee8nWnO7Lq
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NuOwAuhh9
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJw2Xn6DsH
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh67uZ838a
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLTwvfintW
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSN0irQBrYA
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO9X4zWRIF
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RF0wJX0kY
「我無！」家姐搖頭。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3de5HG78R
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWecu2ViXO
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCNy2iYHF9
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavRQGQRLgC
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLVYfGxsZQ
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5XoUx4jwG
「多謝阿爸。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0DNPKae0s
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATccxWO3dV
家姐推了林蓁落地。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEInWhcd0ZK
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTW4sLx6tKK
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTp39XRSMB
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAmYTaye0g
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZYrnlCxT6
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9EiurJice
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pBEtX4yme
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH4UEzqgyV
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcORpjdX7P
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP2fQzOnI9
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNaVmXuzfn
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuit7Sa33B
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusl5WloiYg
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQaJAi3GLV
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210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBzJvKD05F
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6uYSz7zAt
210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSB44QqsrtG
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。210Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1vkn7fQRb
