然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCEwxXcGwQ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRPwqsYlsx
/169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZTY5Bgvdw
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZCRLE35yY
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumONjsRBsH
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaN3nBgP4T
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYk8WaJkoA1
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmi7cmcdFW
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOjSWlz6No
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ggqRtgHgt
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcvXQy5rpJ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34qjgpxZ9h
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxOTDk2ow1
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjOjqUUwCE
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVOxAx699e
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlgpsQnCQF
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEF0KUAc3A
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXrG3Sybeg
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eSK6X4z6R
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0cbfEQnyr
他心情不好便會打她。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tm8YcW0LT
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b07FtIuX4
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzGXy14PCb
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQxiyjIaIn
一下一下打下去。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZbEcLFBAZ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs56eGRMqlp
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPJ0Pkx3Uv
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lnBPLS9hh
「我無唔聽話呀！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3tfyqM4IQ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKi9RhUCHx
「仲講大話！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypvtFpQwWa
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWYbyLzIb7
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXnyccQ9tm
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagW3OvdzGe
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMdJZYrxWW
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UDccCwlqK
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsYALh13Cn
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CT9V18Otj
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOK0iwQ1a9
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRlVrvXxgg
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfwJm2BsPZ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjPKOc0IrY
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvchzM7oXQ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxiUDuB0QJ
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfK0w5r23Lw
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojaewUD14d
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc5YK6Pcvn
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBGEKsHA7k
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL3nHh0PPz
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJwaJYjlgm
/169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk82LRXS1W
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE0GOSrpxa
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIIF9ZKlHp
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEE8DfUUfL
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQq0mRxYoc
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsr7B4MEFY
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM822pkrUoM
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4ly7wGbCj
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaEKhqcZ0z
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pWZLerLW3
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytLvYESiaE
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1V7mWcCWG
「熊仔去咗邊？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9BtPvL9EN
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcRoobQnGd
「我抌咗。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7GdTqAO42
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwgDcnyWGF
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO7oDbdbGd
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtZN3cvCWi
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4pVN4ZqYq
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGWtZx6F0M
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnfWdPIBtW
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1EJIhzH2C
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYQGMQmYsG
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnP3IjaH7O
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8YAUqDFpk
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNFClS6YPJ
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAinPWIFoJ4
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb2jsbajY8
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxTPWGb1qi
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc5bi64kuR
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMMKzXpoHD
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVv3ggv21i
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszblFb64N1
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCPQyzv1Ob
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCYlsyghWB
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24c8qpun0S
/169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxktuY5Vko
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ315Y8RpIUB
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfhY3Z3Qlg
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxyiDd3O1y
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKaca9Yi7J
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqekXpaEqWm
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4CvDHlreF
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6zJGVkYXz
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEs3h4sq4H
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS3D9p1HsW
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECXvUTZ521
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM3FBiJoGD
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3JHTubUKC
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU19kCUL3x
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOr76L4XCp
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa2dLrCXaS
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LxrLW5slL
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ov3a8pihR
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM41gO5RpiP
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwTu6AEe7E
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDWG4UnJV3
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkUcNIHXXO
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF49ZbrO5N
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GFxVv0BaX
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEZEZv1rtF
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi4VZGpxsF
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDz7f1sRgI
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sBf6jnwzb
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIbQppCrud
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd87m8tMnJZ
直至父親又打家姐。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYnrllrFvv
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ78rm6SnF
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm18WMUoZt8
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanRWT88mXe
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGCz8LfaLS
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiLLhv7qXa
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2wQD0PGdv
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiXGH8cpji
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXks8V9fsc
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLjWTapF17
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa60RnEO2KU
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Lt6K9BsVI
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWErCHRUZTk
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLripTs7FHO
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nwBdVsRJ3
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9SscBxGPC
「我無！」家姐搖頭。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEQUUaX18k
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1sBZhLEZ0
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBTFC5KbG6
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM64C8yQ9B
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmsGJtuydW
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfBgLsC4rK
「多謝阿爸。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUW9QcWSicQ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5Z00AxG6X
家姐推了林蓁落地。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpXrU8Z7DL
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGJmyvdROZ
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OsNoaT1Qi
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLxks3MOh7
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4ODopyDpr
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMEYyANANH
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmqN2Dt9zr
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYe4pOIeqVN
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVm3rcIrII
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrvK4GqidJ
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4AvKpnEGQ
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1q3PGhzL7
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoWgNRtwTk
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBwIyJAXet
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169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGC40J91Pj
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2kOcv1ZfB
169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP3XtX6lhl
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh0JcZiBuD
