在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2UeVs4yyu
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWDJepPzc3
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHirpOGQ68R
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnpBagmLpR
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1hjYbZcq0
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio3QqJmdy9
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6Omx8OJqM
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpGLgl7rYp
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpL5ThWE7M
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgFKJ53Qza
「你條裙有血！」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8geAlvQw5o
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW8BeFqtqE
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnUkcscVw2
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT9z4omEOA
「大個女啦。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7YciK1KLu
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHB1sr29HK
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcnnlfBfmP
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hBf9qVg0Y
「去廁所清理吓。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggIlptOgWB
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUTLVH8bJZ
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHecxKvq2W
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl5nLolyP4
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i8Lweri7X
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2OFyM2Mzy
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEW7qzd9A7h
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGufENbfE9v
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Wr2WQErLL
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD5kFDek3G
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEztOlOz1KR
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnctawTrLv
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OniYCBkt3
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMAf8uqtY2
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbO1iYEwgG
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcnNSorD5n
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd9orsw3E6
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOgAHiMNIn
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4KQKcimaV
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcKyduL1WL
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qbyhRmcni
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdHciDRNjg
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GsF2Jtfhk
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiGvWwEiNO
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyuA0klGNz
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5An5EUu1D
只聽見他說：231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMkhbok3Yf
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmfrEXj1zn
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7a90G7ACg
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyhSSztJFy
林蓁心下一沉。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5cnoY6mcf
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLefQhWs7gb
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GyU5uHb6t
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmZxUNX06f
她又想，會不會是他口硬？231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcunp3qlrT
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh26Ihz7sL
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsdX3hghSK
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwG1Lc1aWYH
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ414Y3EGi8D
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAfu2wcMHc
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDBaQkp2OC
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjazRvubL4
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOANCa5igix
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ707AZcXjJ7
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaq4gV1iuY
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDZdAdtpUP
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZw7dmSpjg
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4Uxe9qcBZ
/231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4dxsQn68C
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n3v5e1hDD
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIrWbFHu3H
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z4dTWUxTj
她去見了周立沖。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlq294VUvo
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5iVKihTBV
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jgjnrkO6a
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8qrfAJQKi
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD8QLXNe0w
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejincRKqRN
「無所謂。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQegV7rPaS
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjCtgTI1QD
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz56xjQXiMP
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ549pmz3C19
家裡沒有飯吃。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W33ZL1zTe
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vOxUlkkqJ
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt4yzhWAnJ
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFn2pQrT7V
「你煮咩我都食。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDRCCHEtuX
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mENsOw6tD
「傻瓜。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKKhQfv4un
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYc408vepv
他摸摸她的頭。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81GxmTMhoY
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRZ2W6ZEuW
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBycu7kxuYO
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKralCMGqx
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcDDWc4ISK
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW3jfWbN5g
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxP8N8b854
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuwiDfRJWT
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjUuxbK6dN
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J7xWwFMQQ
「不如食咗我先。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM53b3dhrT9
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrALrbhH7BX
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOWqyajCwu
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgi5Psm8du
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cLGfHiVaS
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmuBQAbYqG
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFN38xQETbj
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcqEnK2I8D
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRv9JBZwrzl
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAIWyR1xth
不過，幸好，現在他在。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl2fIo7dAi
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVoE9nT8qK
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtevjSh1kW
