I had never been so thankful to be off of work in my life.
I'd nearly cried when I saw the first of the late shift crew arriving, as it meant I was officially free to wrap up dishes and clock out. As soon as I'd finished my last dish, I wiped my hands and practically sprinted to the office to clock out.
I quickly hurried out the doors and to the parking lot, where I had decided to take a well-deserved rest while I waited for my ride.
I stared down at my phone and nearly burst into tears as I read a text from the eldest Wooding brother. Matt couldn't come and pick me up, Kris was out of commission on the couch, and Dylan didn't have his license to come and get me.
I briefly considered calling Taylor, but with her recent avoidance of me, I didn't have much hope that she would answer, much less that she would come get me. Plus, I really didn't want her to see me in my current state.
Resigning myself to my fate, I started the arduous journey home on foot. It would likely take me hours, even if I didn't stop to rest. My mood soured further as the telltale sprinkle of rain threatened to soak me to the bone. Sighing, I picked myself up off the curb and dragged my aching body to a standing position.
I walked from the parking lot to the sidewalk that ran alongside the highway, occasionally kicking wayward pieces of trash out of my way. The cold December air ripped through my thin sweater and I shuddered, pulling the dark grey garment closer to my chest. I was once again thankful that the winters in this part of the country were mild compared to more northern states.
The cloudy sky reflected my mood, dark and brooding. Tears threatened to leak from my eyes again remembering the chaos of the day and my current predicament. I was tired, overstimulated and in pain.. I just wanted to curl up in my shower and cry. I stared at the foreboding expanse of sky for a moment and contemplated running into traffic, before shooing the intrusive thought away.
Besides, if I missed, I'd be a helluva hospital bill.
I trudged along the grimy sidewalk, coming to a crosswalk I tapped the button and waited patiently to cross. As I waited, I casually examined the various cars coming to a stop at the newly red light and noticed a familiar dented black Camry waiting a few cars down. I couldn't see if it was Taylor driving, but judging by the angsty rock blaring inside the car loud enough I could hear it through the shut windows, it was her. I adjusted my sweater and looked down, my dark auburn hair functioning as a crude curtain to hide my face. I didn't want her to see me like this, vulnerable and upset.
As the crosswalk signaled me to cross, I kept my head down and walked briskly to the other side, pretending to be in my own little world. That was the benefit of being rather plain-looking, you tended to blend in to your surroundings pretty well. As the asphalt turned into sidewalk again, I slowed my pace and tried to look casual, my heart hammering against my chest.
I felt a little silly trying to be inconspicuous, considering how eager I'd been to talk with her over the last few weeks, but this was different somehow. I didn't want her to see my tear-stained cheeks or the puffy irritation of my hand.
As I put distance between me and the crosswalk, I started to relax a little bit. I glanced around and didn't see any trace of the Camry or the cerulean haired girl. I pulled out my phone and started playing some music that matched my melancholy feelings.
As the music flooded the area around me, I let it carry my mind far away from the hell I was enduring. I thought about my breakdown in the bathroom, kicking myself for nearly losing control.
What would Kris have thought? Or Dr. Morgan?
The intensity of my meltdown had left me drained, my eyes were heavy and my feet struggled to drag me along the cracked cement. I looked ahead to see a gas station in the distance and decided I would stop and grab a drink for the road.
Part of me felt a little guilty for spending my meager cash on a drink for myself, but I also knew this would likely be the only accessible convenience store for miles. There were others, sure, but I would have to go out of my way to reach them.
The sound of a car approaching made me walk to the opposite edge of the sidewalk. The residents of Deleon could sometimes be rather surly, and it wasn't unusual for cars to drive extremely close to the sidewalk to unnerve pedestrians walking past. I didn't feel like being a hood ornament, as much as my suicidal thoughts begged to differ.
The car abruptly slammed on it's brakes and I looked over to see the familiar Camry I'd tried to avoid at the light. The face of an incredulous Taylor peered at me from the drivers side as the window sluggishly rolled down. I withheld the groan that threatened to break free of my lips. Part of me wanted to run away and hide in the residential shrubbery, but I steeled myself. I might be able to snag a ride from Taylor, which would make this shitty day marginally less shitty.
"Luna, what the fuck are you doing out here? It's about to start pouring!"
I looked at the dreary sky with mock ignorance. "Really? I hadn't noticed." My retort was more then a little dry, but I was still a bit on edge around the other woman.
"Smart ass. Get in here before you catch your death out there." Taylor's tone and grim expression left no room for negotiation. She popped the stubborn passenger door open and I reluctantly climbed in. As the door shut behind me, I was enveloped by the familiar scent of Taylor's car. I hadn't even realized I'd missed it, but my traitorous heart fluttered a bit as I inhaled the scent of aging leather and cedar bergamot cologne.
She put the car in drive and looked over at me from the corner of her eye, fingers drumming the steering wheel with nerves. "Where to?"
"Home." I crossed my arms defensively, the tension in the car could be cut with a knife. I wondered if Taylor's heartbeat was threatening to escape her chest too.
"Why didn't Kris or Matt pick you up?" There was no way for Taylor to have known about Kris' wreck with us not talking for so long, but drudging up the events of the last few weeks was not something I had the energy to do.
"Matt's at work, he got called in. Kris... Kris had an accident, the van's totaled." I tried to sound nonchalant, but my voice cracked. Taylor's eyes widened in realization and I saw guilt flash across her features.
"Oh fuck. Is she okay?" Her mouth was set in a firm line, chewing her bottom lip.
I wish I knew what she was thinking. Steeling myself to keep from crying, my hands gripped the fabric of my sweater and pulled it closer to my body.
"Kinda. She got t-boned at the light over by Lakeside, coming to pick me up. Her leg is broken and her ankle shattered. They had to do an extensive surgery to put pins in her ankle so she could still move it." I hoped my succinct explanation would be enough, so she wouldn't push for more answers.
I looked out the window as Taylor sucked in a breath. "Shit. That sucks... I'm sorry, Princess."
The return of the old moniker made fire flare in my belly. I wanted to scream at her that I was nobody's princess, especially not hers after she effectively ghosted me. I was already on edge from the breakdown and being in such close proximity with the bluenette was making my insides squirm. It was hard to concentrate on anything except her stupid face.
I huffed. "Yeah, it sucks. We're down a car and a driver. Me and Matt have been carpooling and coordinating our schedules. He didn't think I'd be out before 6, so he went into work for some extra cash."
"If that ever happens again, call me. I don't want you to walk home if you can avoid it." She spoke carefully, periodically glancing at me from the corner of her eye.
The closer we got to my house, the more the questions swirling in my head tried to make their escape past my lips. They built into a crescendo as we turned onto the highway that lead to my road. I sighed, bracing myself for whatever answer she was willing to give me.
"Why did you wait so long to text me?" The question came out quietly, my voice barely over a whisper. After the hellish events of today, I didn't know if I really even wanted her to answer. However, I also didn't know the next time I might hear from her.
A pregnant pause fell over the car, Taylor's mouth set in a hard line. Anxiety started to crawl up my throat while I awaited her reply.
"I was scared."
That wasn't really the answer I was expecting.
I glanced at her with a puzzled expression. "You, scared? Of me?"
She let out an abrupt sigh, trying to focus on both the road and her conflicting feelings. "I'm not afraid of you, Luna. I'm afraid of me. I'm not a great person and honestly, you deserve a lot better then what I can offer you."
That, quite frankly, pissed me off.
I couldn't help the indignant reply. "You could have communicated that instead of running off and not talking to me! I thought I did something wrong, or that I was just a conquest. I'm kind of new to this, I didn't know what to do!"
The shorter girl looked crestfallen. "No, you don't understand.. fuck. It's hard to explain. I'm not good with words." She massaged the bridge of her nose with her fingertips.
I pulled my arms tighter around myself, upset that I'd even brought it up. "I talked to Kayce, she told me what happened." I could see her wince, bringing a hand to run through her hair.
"Oh."
Her simple reply was like throwing gasoline on a fire. I was already upset, but the lack of answers had me frustrated and volatile. I knew it was a bit of an overreaction to be this mad, but I'd had a really upsetting day, more frustration was not being received kindly.
"Oh!? Taylor I stared at my phone for DAYS, hoping to get some kind of explanation. I was really scared that me admitting that I was attracted to you would fuck up our friendship and look what it's done! You're the first real friend I've made since moving out of my parent's house. I wanted to call you so badly when Kris got in her wreck. And now we're here, talking about this and trying to clear the air and all you can do is say 'oh' ?!" My chest was heaving by the time I'd finished my rant, Taylor looking more and more like she wanted to sink into the cracked leather seats.
As I finished my tirade, I could see the tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't know what you want me to say, okay!? I fucked up with Kayce, I fucked up with you, all I've ever done is fuck up people's lives every time I get attached."
She took a shuddering breath before continuing. "I can't be out and proud with you, my parent's would kick my ass. I don't have the money to live on my own, hell, my parents pay for my college and they paid for my car. If they find out who I really am, they'll take everything I've worked for away!" Her face was tight, uncomfortable. Judging by her reaction, I'd struck a nerve.
We pulled into the driveway and Taylor put the car in park, turning to look at me. "I was going to leave with Kayce, but my parents got suspicious and started looking through my phone. They told me they would pay for my college, but only if I stayed in town and lived at home. I knew I couldn't afford it otherwise. So I stayed. But because my parents were snooping, I couldn't message her to warn her."
She ran a hand through her mussed hair, disrupting the already messy aqua ringlets. "By the time I could finally tell her, she'd already decided I abandoned her. When she came back to town, I tried to explain myself, but she wouldn't talk to me. So I tried to move on, went through a couple girls before I figured out it wasn't fair for them to have to hide who they are."
I let out a wry laugh. "You know, you could have avoided this by just telling me all this up front. I've had to hide who I am for years, what makes you think I wouldn't do it for you? Hell, Taylor, I don't know if I'm lesbian, or straight, or both, or neither."
I paused for a moment to take a breath before continuing. "You didn't give me a choice, you just decided you weren't worth it."
It was a low blow and I knew it, but I was hurt and on the defensive. I'd had enough people turn their backs on me for frivolous reasons in my life, but this one hurt a lot more then what I was used to.
Taylor gave me a sullen look. "I'm sorry. I'm kind of used to the 'closeted lesbian' thing to be a deal breaker." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the denim of her ripped jeans groaning against the aging leather.
I shrugged. "Who knows, one day it might be. But I'd rather us try it and it not work, then not try it and have this awkward tension between us." The anxiety in my belly was swirling, dousing the flames of agitation that'd been raging only moments prior. I was still mad, sure, but more then anything, I wanted Taylor back in my corner again.
I gave her a pointed look, trying to will my words to come out correctly. "Look, I like you. I don't know if we'll even be good together. But I want to try, if you're willing."
Taylor looked at her hands, her fingers drumming nervously on the steering wheel. She opened her mouth to reply, before her mouth set in a hard line. There was a war behind her eyes, countless things I knew she wanted to say. Looking at the dashboard clock, I noticed the time and moved to open the passenger door.
I could feel her eyes burning into me as I climbed out of the Camry. I took a moment to straighten my wrinkled uniform before leaning down into the car, resting my arm on the fading black door.
"Figure out what you want from me, Taylor. I'll be whatever you want me to be, just don't leave me hanging this time. Thanks for the ride." I stood, walking up the worn footpath that led to the gate.
I spared a second glance back at the reversing car, watching her taillights slowly fade into the treeline. I didn't feel good about what I'd said to Taylor, but I couldn't help but feel a little lighter about the swirling feelings in my gut.
As I entered the house, I was greeted to the sight of a sleepy Kris just waking up from a nap. She sat up, rubbing her eyes blearily. "Luna? Why are you home so late?" The hoarse tone in her voice told me she'd been asleep quite some time.
I took a seat next to the ginger woman, letting a soft snicker past my lips as she tried unsuccessfully to smooth her fierce bedhead. "I had to cover the morning shift, remember? Turns out only one of Tracy's cashiers showed up for work this morning and she quit right as I came in."
Kris winced, her brown eyes full of sympathy. "So it was just the two of y'all?"
I nodded, pulling my sleeve down to show Kris the fading burn, the inflamed skin had thankfully returned to a semi-normal flesh color. "Yeah, and to add insult to injury, I spilled coffee all over my hand."
Kris took my wrist, turning it in her hands and giving me a scolding look. "You need to be more careful, you're lucky it didn't blister."
I nodded. "Yeah, I probably should have asked Tracy for some burn cream, but it was so crazy I don't think we would have had a chance." I decided to leave the details of my little breakdown out of my retelling of the day's events.
"So how did you wind up getting home? Taylor bring you?" The question was meant to be casual, but I could hear the underlying bitterness in her words.
I fidgeted with the seam on my shirt uncomfortably. Any mention of Taylor had me nervous after the incident at the dining table. "Well, Matt couldn't come get me so I tried to walk home."
I heard Kris' sharp intake of breath and braced myself for an ass-chewing, quickly adding some context. "Taylor saw me on the sidewalk and offered me a ride home." I toyed with a wayward lock of hair, hoping my answer had been satisfactory.
Kris' expression darkened slightly at the mention of the bluenette, but she nodded "Good, I'm glad you didn't try to walk all the way home. It's dangerous and not good for you to try and walk that far."
The ginger turned her attention to the tv, changing the monotonous droning of the news to a reality tv channel. The brash intro to a police bodycam show blared through the tinny speakers. I stretched my aching muscles and yawned. Catching a whiff of the stale grease and sweat permeating my work clothes, I made a face and stood up. "I'm gonna go rinse off real quick and get dinner started. After that you want to catch up on Sister Celebs?"
Kris gave me a warm smile, giddy at the prospect of a girls night. "Sure!"
As I walked to the bathroom, I spared a glance to my phone, seeing a missed message from Taylor.
"Dinner at Tony's this Friday? 6pm?"
I smiled as I started the shower, setting my phone down on the counter as I mulled over my response.
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