I looked out into the empty parking lot, wondering what I should do now. I usually had Kris or Matt drive me to therapy, but with Matt at work and Kris mad at me, I didn't have a way home. The crisp November air had a chill to it, a small breeze caught fallen leaves and swirled them lazily around the parking lot.
Walking was out of the question, it would take me hours to walk the 30-minute drive home. Even if I started now, I wouldn't get home until after dark. It would be much colder out by nightfall and my thin Goodwill sweater wouldn't hold up to the temperature by this evening.
I glanced down at my phone as if it would give me the answer to my dilemma. I tapped on Taylor's contact in my device and sent her a quick text.
'Hey, I hate to bother you, but is there any way could maybe get a ride back home from Lakeside? My ride cancelled on me and I have no way home.' I sat down on the concrete whilst waiting for her reply, looking up at the midday sky and cursing my luck. It's a special kind of humiliation to be stuck somewhere without a way home. I stared up at the vast expanse of sky above me, watching the occasional bird flit by and tried to soothe the nerves bubbling in my stomach.
"Sure, I get off in 10, so if you can give me about 30 minutes to finish work, clock out and get over to your side of town I'll bring you home." Relief spread over me; whilst I was a bit nervous to see Taylor again after Kris' reaction , it was overpowered by the prospect of not having to walk hours from the city to my home out in the country.
'Thank you so much, I was really not looking forward to that walk lol.' That was a bit of an understatement, but I decided not to stroke Taylor's ego any more then necessary.
'As if I'd let you walk home, Princess.' I rolled my eyes at the annoying moniker, but gave a small smile to my phone.
As promised, Taylor showed up almost exactly 30 minutes later. Her trademark black Camry came flying into the parking lot at terminal velocity. She stopped abruptly in the spot next to where I was sitting. Rolling down the window, she called to me, flashing a charming smile. "Your carriage has arrived." I rolled my eyes again at the allegory, but climbed in anyways.
"So, how was your shrink appointment?" She asked, looking over her shoulder as she began backing up the car.
"It was... surprisingly good. I thought my therapist was kind of a bitch for the longest time, but turns out she's been giving me tough love. Today she kinda spilled her heart to me and I emotionally vomited on her... and she was actually really nice about it."
Taylor nodded thoughtfully as we pulled onto the main road, the old Camry creaking in protest as it sluggishly shifted through gears. "Kris still mad at you?"
The reminder of what I had to go home to made me cringe. "Yeah... Dr. Morgan told me to give her some space for a while. We got into another fight last night."
Taylor looked at me, concerned, but offered me another winning smile. She didn't pry into our latest fight, which I was grateful for. "Well, what do you think of going to the mall or something to kill a little bit of time before you go home? We've been working hard for two weeks, it's time for some relaxation!"
I was slightly worried about spending so much time with Taylor after Kris' worries of being replaced by her, but the mall sounded like a lot of fun. Mother didn't care for the mall, citing the demonic influences of alternative stores and the ever-growing skimpiness of clothing. We rarely went, and when we did go, it was mainly to the Christian book store or to a chain discount store that sold more modest clothing.
Taylor snapped me out of my reverie rather abruptly. "So.... do you want to go?"
I stared at the winding road ahead, looking up at a billboard advertising the mall and nodded. "Yes please, I haven't been to the mall in a very long time."
She gave me a wolfish, excited grin at my reply. "Hell yeah!"
With that, she bumped her turn signal, slid into the far lane of the interstate and began our trek to the Deleon Regency Mall.
I leaned against the passenger side window and watched the scenery around me. The city of Deleon was a bustling towns, full of activity. Countless vehicles of all shapes and sizes traveled on both sides of the road, racing towards their destinations. Roads crisscrossing, lights, exits, bridges and countless lanes of cars greeted us as we drove further into the city . I rarely came this far into town because of the constant chaos, and I was suddenly very grateful I wasn't the one driving.
After about 15 minutes of driving, we parted ways with the interstate and travelled down the exit towards Deleon Ave, the road where the mall resided.
A few minutes later, Taylor pulled into the mall parking lot and we went inside through one of the side doors. Walking through some large chain department store, I glanced around at the people around us, somewhat in awe. It had truly been ages since I'd been to the mall.
As a kid, I had always kind of imagined the mall as a hotbed of activity of people my age, so it wasn't unusual for my curiosity to get the better of me and for me to stare out the windows and stare at the people milling by. It felt like the mall-goers were part of another world; clothes that showed their shoulders, skirts and shorts so small it made legs look long and slender. Their dresses were without slips, came to far above the knee and announced-rather than hid- cleavage. They were a sharp contrast to me and Mother. Our clothes consisted of loose, flowy dresses that hid the curvature of our bodies, with necklines rested conservatively on our collarbones.
I couldn't help feeling a bit frumpy in my beat up thrift store sweater and hand-me-down jeans, but I stamped it down quickly and turned to Taylor. "So, where would you like to go first?"
Taylor had been preoccupied, watching an older Caucasian lady's judgmental stare while glancing at us, returning a glare of her own before turning and looking sheepishly at me. "Uh, How about we go to a store a little more aimed at our age group and not crusty, dusty old dinosaurs with nothing better to do then judge other people." She sent a pointed look at the old lady, who harrumphed and walked off.
So we set off in search of a more suitable store for us to explore. Walking through the mall I couldn't help but be a bit awe-struck. The mall had an ornate staircase in the center, leading to the second floor. A glass chandelier in the lobby threatened to take my breath away.
A flurry of activity in itself, the mall boasted bright signs advertising clothes, shoes, perfumes and the like to the passersby. This mall was much bigger and much more ornate then the one back home.
Alongside the awe-struck feeling rose my social anxiety. It started off small, a spark on nerves in my stomach, but as we walked closer to the ever-growing flow of humans milling in and out of the stores, The spark ignited into a flame, which in turn became an inferno with every step I took towards the crowd. A lump grew in my throat and my lungs felt tight.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, air coming into my lungs in short pants, my eyes wide.
Taylor stood in front of me, mostly blocking my view of the flow of humanity before us. I couldn't help notice how her short, fading blue curls were longer then when we first met and were starting to fall into her eyes. The shorter woman looked up at me, holding my face gently. "Hey, hey. It's ok, don't focus on them, focus on me."
I met Taylor's hazel eyes with a look of panic. "I can't.. I can't do this... there's so many people. So much noise." The words came tumbling out of my mouth in a torrent of nerves.
Taylor paused a moment, before reaching up and pulling a pair of headphones from around her neck and placing them on my head. Immediately, the ambient sounds of chaos from the mall melted away and the angsty croon of a soft rock song filled my ears. Taylor pulled me away from the flow of traffic in the mall and into a small, secluded corner while I breathed and tried to focus on the music.
I leaned against the wall and slid down it, willing my breathing to calm down. I slowly regained my composure as the mortification of what I'd just done, in public no less, pushed it's way to the forefront of my mind.
I slid one side of the headphones off my ear so I could hear Taylor speaking to me. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so nervous around people."
I shook my head weakly. "I didn't think it was that bad. I don't really know what came over me, honestly. I'm sorry you had to see that.. that was really embarrassing." I brought my knees up to my chest and cradled them, leaning my head back against the wall. I could feel my face on fire.
Taylor crouched down to be on my level and shushed me. "You want to talk about embarrassing? When I was 10 years old, I was in a play as a back up character, I was a tree or some shit with one line in the whole damn play. When it came time for me to say my line, I froze up and got so nervous I peed myself, in front of 50 stuck up suburban picture perfect families. The kids in school teased me about it until halfway through middle school. THAT is embarrassing." She snorted at the memory.
I gave her a weird look. Both things seemed pretty embarrassing to me, but Taylor cut me off before I could get the words out.
"Anyways, seeing as how the mall doesn't seem like your jam right now, you wanna go somewhere else?"
Dr. Morgan's words from a few sessions ago bounced around in my skull. If I was going to get over this fear, I needed to confront it head on, not blame someone else for my anxiety or try to run away from it.
I looked between the mall and all it's people for a moment, before glancing back at Taylor. "No... I don't want to leave yet. How am I supposed to have a job or go to college or be an adult if I can't be around people. Better here and now with someone I trust then alone in the future."
The bluenette looked stunned for a minute, but broke out into an excited grin. "Hell yeah! Alright, how about you keep these on, at least while we're here around all the extra people. I'll tap your shoulder if I need to ask you a question." She offered me a hand up, which after a moment of deliberation, I took. I stood and adjusted Taylor's headphones over my ears.
She took me by the hand, which made my anxiety flare for a split second. Knowing that she was a lesbian, I wondered briefly what people would think of the gesture, but quickly decided I didn't care. Her hand in mind made facing the horde of mallgoers just a bit more feasible for me, so I allowed it.
Taylor pulled me effortlessly through the crowds, around corners and through the maze of people selling various miracle creams and perfumes until we reached a bookstore on the other side of the mall from where we started.
I let go of Taylor's hand and entered the doorway, taking in the smell of paper and books. While I didn't read very often anymore, when I was a child books were often my closest companion outside of church. I approached a rack of books and picked one up, running my finger along the spine, turning it over in my hand to read the excerpt on the back. A horror anthology with vampires and werewolves.
I flipped through the pages while Taylor mulled around some of the other fantasy novels. It seemed like a book that I'd curl up with on a cold night with a warm blanket. Unfortunately, I didn't really have the spare funding to spend on a new book. I set the novel back on the shelf and turned to wander the other shelves. We browsed for just shy of a half hour before Taylor's attention was caught by an alternative store across the way.
Donning Taylor's headphones with a shy smile, I grabbed her hand and gave her a gentle tug as an okay. "I'm ready."
Taylor shot me a grin that I had to admit, was rather charming. My flannel-clad companion drug me across the sea of people to the store she noticed earlier.
As we walked through the doors, the first thing I noticed is I could hear the blaring music even through Taylor's headphones. I hesitated, but slowly pulled them off my head. I could hardly hear anyone over the music. Taylor was visibly giddy to be in what seemed to be her favorite store, flitting back and forth from clothing racks to the wall of graphic tees and back again.
The store was filled from floor to ceiling with a wide array of items. Everything from novelty gag gifts, to tee shirts, to dresses and shirts that were covered in safety pins, profane sayings and gothic characters. The store seemed like a celebration of everything and nothing all at once.
I was, decidedly, overwhelmed. Despite my hesitation, Taylor clearly quite liked this store, so I set forth on my own mission to find something to look at. After thoroughly inspecting a few racks of band tees, I slipped past a shelf of novelty bachelorette party gifts and turned to look at a variety of...sex toys?
I could not contain my bewilderment and it showed on my face at the exact moment Taylor had looked up from a rack of flannels. She came over to me, cackling wildly. "Oh fuck, that's right. I forgot you were really sheltered. You've probably never stepped foot into a place like this before."
"I... can't say that I have." I offered weakly, trying to hide the burning of my cheeks.
Taylor hid another giggle behind her hand. "It's okay, just, if you aren't wanting to look at dildos and fluffy handcuffs, you may want to come over here where it's safe."
She led me over to where she had been looking at flannels and turned to peruse a clearance rack. I decided that was probably the safest place to look at after my earlier misadventure, so I began flipping through the various t-shirts and dresses. After a few shirts, I discovered a cute little black dress and pulled it off the rack, turning the hanger back and forth in my hand to see more of the dress.
It was short, Mid-thigh in length, with beautiful see-through lace details around the sleeve and the collar. The neckline of the dress dropped down to show just a hint of cleavage through the lace. The skirt flared out around the waist with a tulle petticoat underneath to add just the right amount of volume.
It was easily the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen, plus it was in my size! I glanced at the price tag and winced. 30 dollars was a steal for this dress, but my finances wouldn't allow the splurge. I put the hanger back on the rack and turned to find Taylor staring at me with a smirk. "See something you like?"
"Oh, no, no. I wouldn't ever wear something like this. It's very pretty, don't get me wrong, I just don't have the body for it." I tried to bluff, but it must have been unconvincing. Before I could stop her, Taylor had grabbed the dress and made her way to the front of the store, calling for an associate to open the dressing room.
The associate opened the dressing room door with her key and Taylor handed me the dress to usher me inside. With the resolute click of the lock, I turned to face away from the mirror behind me. After peeling my own clothes off, I pulled the soft fabric over my head and smoothed it out. My hair tie caught around the button on the neckline, so I pulled my hair out of it's trademark ponytail and finished picking at the dress long enough to face the mirror.
Wow. The girl staring back at me looked much different then I was used to. Her auburn hair fell around her face in soft waves from being washed regularly, her peach skin having a slight glow under the fitting room lights. The dress hugged me in all the right places, flaring out over the belly I was so self conscious of. The lace delicately cradled my chest and collarbone, cascading down my arms and mostly concealing the puffy red scars on my arms.
What struck me most about my reflection was my eyes. Once so dull and sullen, they were staring to regain their spark. "Maybe I am starting to get better." I thought.
I opened the dressing room to show Taylor, who was staring at me intensely. Her hazel eyes blazed with an emotion I couldn't place.
"You're getting it."
That took me by surprise. "Oh, no, I can't. I just wanted to show you."
Taylor's eyes narrowed. In one fluid motion, she leaned forward, snatched the tag off the dress and walked to the front of the store.
I stared, thunderstruck, before chasing after her, not even stopping to take off the dress. By the time I made it to the front of the store, she already had her card out and had swiped it. Beaming at me, she offered me an empty bag. "For your clothes from the fitting room." She smirked.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to slap her or hug her, so I just turned on my heel and stormed back to the dressing room. Gathering my clothes, I returned to the front of the store to see Taylor leaned up against the entrance, very much looking like the cat that caught the canary.
"Do you like it?" The corner of her lip lifted into a playful smirk.
"Yes, thank you... you didn't have to do that." I couldn't help admiring myself in the reflection of the glass storefront as we started to make our way back through the mall. It had been a long time since I even wanted to look in a mirror, but I found my eyes wandering to any shiny surface I could see myself in.
"You deserve it. Consider it a reward for working so hard these last few weeks." Taylor tugged my hand towards the crowd of people. I put the headphones back atop my head as we began approaching the more populated area and focused on Taylor's thin frame weaving us through the sea of humans. Soon enough, we were back in the department store we had started in and making our way to the parking lot.
When we got to the Camry, the sun was low in the clouds, sending streaks of crimson and amethyst through the early evening sky. Climbing in the passenger seat, Taylor had a pensive look on her soft features. Toying with a curl dangling dangerously close to her eyes, she darted her eyes over to me. "So, uh... I don't know about you but I'm not ready to go home yet."
"I know I need to...I really don't want to face Kris tonight, but I need to." I sighed, looking up at the clouds through the peeling tint of the window.
As she pulled out of the parking space and onto the main road, instead of taking the light that would take us back to the interstate, she went a different way. Puzzled, I took in the landscape of the city at dusk as the sun slipped down past the horizon. The hustle and bustle of the city had slowed to a more manageable level of chaos with the day's end. As we crossed a massive bridge taking us out of the city, I looked at the ripples of the water below, a kaleidoscope of deep oranges, reds and purples lapping at the shores. The beginning plucks of an acoustic guitar from the radio made the whole scene feel like a movie.
As we exited the bridge, I began to see the suburbs fade slowly into the more rural roads I was familiar with, as buildings and houses became more sparse.
The Camry groaned in protest as we turned onto my road, looking into the yard I could see the living room light was on, as was the porch light. They must have been expecting me. As we pulled into the drive I noticed Matt's truck still wasn't home.
The drive had felt so quick compared to normal. Though the journey from my house to Deleon was at least 30 to 45 minutes when traffic was light, it seemed like it had been only moments since we had left the mall.
I sighed, looking over at Taylor. Her expression mirrored mine, clearly neither one of us wanted to go home just yet. I pushed aside my desire to stay in the geriatric sedan till the wee hours of the morning and opened the passenger door. "Thank you again for the dress, I love it."
Taylor beamed at me, but there was a sadness behind her eyes. "You're welcome, Luna. I'll see you later."
I exited the car and made my way through the old chain-link gate. I ascended the stairs and opened the screen door just in time to see the glow of Taylor's reverse lights as she pulled out of the drive. I took a shaky breath and approached the front door.
Stepping inside, I expected Kris to lay into me, but instead the living room was empty, save for Dylan asleep on the couch with a video game controller in his hand. I creeped through the house to the sanctuary of my room before I ran afoul of Kris' temper.
Sitting on my bed, I felt a slight pang of guilt. I knew I should confront Kris, but Dr. Morgan had told me to give her some time to cool off. I flopped backwards onto my bed, pulling my phone up to scroll through social media for a moment before bed, I noticed a text.
'Thank you for applying to BurgerByte! We have reviewed your application and think you would be a great candidate for our team. Please schedule your interview ASAP through the link below and we look forward to meeting you.'
Holy shit.
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdALAFATkX4
