you
I can't say it to you again. I've brought it up too many times and I can't stand the idea of repeatedly making you uncomfortable or making this any more awkward so I'll never send this but I can't help but always be looking for you no matter where I'm going. The most I get is little glimpses of your face because I just can't get myself to talk to you. You sit behind me in history class and the whole time I'm just thinking "is my hair messed up" "is the way I'm leaning wrong." I'll even admit that I'll play with my ring and mess with my hands a certain way just in case that catches your eye. I'm not one to get nervous and be shy. But with this.. I can't even begin to form the right sentences to text you and I wish I could start over and make a better impression. Not wearing a skirt on my first day of school,wearing trousers instead and wearing my hair up instead of down. Maybe you would have noticed me earlier. If at all. Maybe if I could keep my head up when I see you and smile at you instead of walking right by. Maybe if I handed you that note. Though I'm thinking now it's a good idea that I never did. It was really forward. I love listening to you talk for minutes on end about things you love. I adore your voice. It's beautiful and sweet and I'd listen to you waffle on forever if I could. I go back and watch the videos you sent me. Just to hear you talk because I haven't found a way to speak to you and if I did I'm afraid all I'd do is mumble and blush and that's not who I am. If I were to know you I'd want you to know me. Not a girl who's just having a flustered gay panic all the time. I'd want to make you laugh. and I'd want you to feel like there's no tension in the way I'm being. There's something about you (her name here) . I don't know what it is. Maybe it's got to do with the fact that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on or the fact that you don't seem to act like everyone else. The way you just don't care about what people have to say and how you speak your mind no matter what. The fact that I already know some ways we relate. The fact that I just know you give good hugs. It's just all of you that makes me feel this way. like I could hold you when you need it and be good to you. It's honestly also the dumbest I've ever felt because you don't feel it. I'm probably just the American girl to you. But still our music taste is the same and you're like the sunshine while I'm the moon. I feel like you're everything I've ever wanted. except it's hopeless. So for now all I can do is feed myself further delusion until year 11 is over and you're not here to see everyday. Because an unrequited crush goes away eventually. So I'm sorry for unadding you on snapchat. I thought maybe if the temptation to talk was removed that I'd be able to focus again. But I'm still always just wanting to see you and paying attention to my every move in history all for this little hope that you'll see something in me. and who knows. Maybe you will. Or is that just my heart talking?
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ymDPzrO8S
