what the title says. i genuinely feel so alone, but im not. i have my mum who’s around a lot, i have my school friends, i have my girlfriend. but my mum is my mum so i don’t hang out with her obviously. i watch films with her and go out with her sometimes, thats all. my school friends, by that i mean my one school friend im particularly close with. everyone else will talk to me once or twice a day if im lucky. today at lunch me and M were walking around and 3 of our friends came over. one of them ran over to us and hugged M and kind of side hugged me. they were all talking to matylda, and i just decided not to say anything to see if they would talk to me first. what was i even expecting? of course they wouldn’t talk to me. i was just stood there, listening to them. atleast i have M, it’s usually just us. we sit with our friend group at lunch and then go off as just us which im glad about. and no one invites me out after school, or out of school. why?? i just go home and sit in the darkness of my room. why does no one wanna talk to me or be around me? am i just unlikeable?? i have my girlfriend. and she makes everything better. we call as soon as i get home, all night until the morning. but she isn’t really HERE is she? she’s across the phone. our distance is 4 ish hours, and it’s hard. not between us, we have never had a thought of breaking up, but it’s just hard we can’t hold eachother. i’m happy i get to see her in a week though.
but do you see what i mean? i am alone. mentally and physically. it’s when i’m sat in my room at night, my comforting playlist is on my tv which is the only light source, and i feel like im surrounded by nothing but darkness. these thoughts overload my head, just like they always have. the pit in my stomach is still there. when will it leave? i feel so alone.
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