Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApL2JeylzG
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uRnWMsGjz
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2my2EMFoxN
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisxClLBZVp
Her face remains serene.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqXIg9rVDM
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh3GLRpzW5
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrw7B1vnsWU
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt3z9dnorL
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RhKsHgwcr
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn11XTDYFM4
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LuYmUe2qa
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHzfEVM2Nm
This should have been her beginning.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKPyqB9Jk7
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNXQV6qzbG
*/*/*856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYajaT5L3Al
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhHSXdfAQz
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmJNtWWUUm
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflVk2ZnOjz
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHQtnNCjVR
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHxeQF6gNH
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxhFsjY70n
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWqqXuj41h
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOU6cVeD0Bl
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee5VWYnD2q
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytzsCRNoC6
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFaCtn2M45
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq9i47CRoo
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyn8sPoJi4Q
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnCzZ0tJBJ
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8WDtCupYQ
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvtGfakUGT
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzhSLvbXxt
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgADlI9aEa
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BCAn76yGa
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrllrLyCLd6
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ5fgNxL4O
*/*/*856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB8lgko8zW
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI0ZGS7Yl9
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFuo5QUA4V
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMQ1URmMjU
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp1YXrkCE4
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapdRy5VNrF
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ozRBXTlNK
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNfqP8Z2sY
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0Ym36RoMX
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLxHwYv3Jn
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyDvQI6V1M
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AEcynWq3n
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDOt1UEfyy
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC5ZQlEIA0
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYEZwzNUmL
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQEhoMIDxR
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC8QgGNDb4
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43fqynzsD3
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnghrweysvg
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVb7ltAo9zc
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6Rn28uNxF
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DvVmrBlOe
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cXulqXDJg
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0oKmSAPXs
*/*/*856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3IXj57ClW
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v0ZZJ82Er
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqQRLXG9ft
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeevbB6NNCk
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjX5akaJcw
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycuflvU20R
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatuynUSg4H
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7TTKL8RjF
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5lJIwAB3r
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxMWGeL1Y8
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1s3mmRhmZ
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAIGyKqEaS
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UmqX5uIu3
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRHdY8Dibh
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfBaoxtkt5
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEw9s9hePQ
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ8NSPkKQ8
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6ogE6kvCG
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMjTbJVTck
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ8tFa4Lxw
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfC7xZkkWj
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPZDnGbUbN
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5tDG7QLci
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbpP8Ifl50
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856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAPxafoFvY
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASbKrtMcHw
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CoQrqux0T
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjGrPGs2FJ
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMT9ziziFRQ
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuqmfTdzIu
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZrW3YvxQh
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCitLqq227e
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzZEgGZ1EN
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06HVHplBhG
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kFW1Pvu3E
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrDVVkHWEQ
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpILOTPSv2C
*/*/*856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4fYifV6TW
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMQvsI8yUk
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GD73f2taZ
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF8MewwnXn
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4ySXLo582
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMfXyKsAF0
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2cNRxRyhn
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eHvQlzzeE
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSav76Wvkc8
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4CpEfyLRq
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM6piDCkgL
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGCQsNgCPv
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZIPVRuT2V
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudRDRf4nLi
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8StBTzMcgH
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNcn6B8SNW
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2vhRA6iT5
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKhyhjDfML
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82uE461quL
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AJh9chvHe
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEiB2pUd1Y
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkmwxrfUy3
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgp5agf3kR
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77MhhOCJWs
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5Pb7REKWq
856Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbiiLLtnM4
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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