Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl41NGvVIjF
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8DbEEb3Eg
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYBcQvyhyF
Her face remains serene.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9Ful4eLDr
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizpQJ9KMxu
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUp1QVgrQn
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8Gu3R4yXy
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFebqs38j1v
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroZKJSPjQk
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdMFCNbrl6
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This should have been her beginning.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvup5nGdFz
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdf3NuCuC4j
*/*/*815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXybFuRMAn
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JMDadePvR
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dJ4LyMde3
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAqai9o3M6
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgfsyG0BvE
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbILWJ7uliv
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIqc5Hkgwb
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgBSnr0qcr
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnnrTGM3h1
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZTrFEFSuc
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdNSmBFZEO
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1FoPsPfYj
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX6a9DLU6Q
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFQm688dag
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9Mda2YsBC
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoFYQmfJ2k
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUCaE9lBd5
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKPuDGSyYh
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRw9BS7bvQ7
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEzeSW1QkN
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xFmmA1N0T
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4sqpwzleD
*/*/*815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTYRc26z2D
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzb2r5R2RyA
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhx0QBfK8x1
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU0v6EKWRR
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriGnCkJkE9
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqmjIwL2Zt
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzSs8koHUI
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwzN5YmidR
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMl30kNJk5
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0me8l4cjc
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9HjJlVByz
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlncvMBfyNB
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ2HE3uYEe
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uGBOBFDoN
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7STRq4ACQY
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60RLA9C3Yc
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnG2Bqxkzc
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8m8fgrjZn
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYJlf86Tnr
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O4umCH2PA
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSVhtyDLtQ
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IfvYFIVtU
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztNBnHxSi5
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOdtr8gejN
*/*/*815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsQkL29rJJ
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiJhbm66dj
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDid8RuntY
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfzdydLsQT
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1r2dknnOG
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DknaX1X6k
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNszXR3XN2O
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3od0yoB5fa
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKidz6DJld
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskbXNTlhPn
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe935WFOMrV
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmowUBTFB3
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyyz2boY0c
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFoBMLldMs
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsV2LazWoc5
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTj5En5A8B9
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She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOz1RhLTjWz
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Qr3IllqIL
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdBX8E3TRW
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxnVM62tLI
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mzNTkOQtU
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*/*/*815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpq3i9DNAv
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTDpVSHTSd
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRRns63Yp1
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifAPyzCsw8
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37TiHGOyg7
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu43szr3q5z
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKBCoOZ2oE
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She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy1Nn0ibrW
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6syP1XVYBI
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj8dO99Cxk
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94z0Ej7u2a
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEyW4yW4Ae
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*/*/*815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeJ9aC7hFR
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Jqc9SHBql
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcJu1NWw3V
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPA3IunqGoT
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDXGjlD57y
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gKUWa1Dk9
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJiHHTh1WC
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJj61q0lB1
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rqECb5CB1
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIK9SaXrkZ
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv0wbSpKeu
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWocsWRPrTj
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIlYYhZc53
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbZNHaYDTa
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gA48hGM1W
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a9xc9G1OO
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0F8EUodjc
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPfSHLR48q
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhZtsLLzrl
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tkF96z1M2
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWCay49Au7
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRHnt3eqsR
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7QrcifeJK
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczF3nBlJcE
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5hXdkeJGY
815Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzruJHNkoJv
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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