Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDhszXqPmd
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wEppef0wG
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLBqX0ZhKp
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ479z4A6cGS
Her face remains serene.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrK8YCvdHV
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpFy1lDNdi
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WTTU1L0kZ
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeToBeSIQoS
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHTBfpxBMh
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRynlHrT2L
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9MBfRwRuo
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KCq0DvyNU
This should have been her beginning.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIz3GOYCjt
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGtcyiIc12
*/*/*858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAE60OO6fP
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFB7jnRSgHC
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYsGcvaqWs
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQjkQbMiDi
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRdoTBxeyE
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UaUFNPgpP
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcHuTVrLoS
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzun6Xu7Ufh
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcS716WlXb
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5Ld1vjiiU
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNW3qt0hYbv
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3siWWOJCbc
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AyNlfFzQq
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJZjUDRc96
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazMRoeODCG
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AgdiPQH4W
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7yynP1afB
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiHxemQ4DF
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zrtF0C9Ui
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbjRDXY3CO
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJUrvn8cSs
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5xJZjsrvY
*/*/*858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hGONTk0ge
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbTY1uCRGF
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB1lIvRJSr
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowc4aIuSlh
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytke0OdTmP
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAQe7Qh2Cy
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jBhKGm1bN
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sEzspfTwT
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZymSXeJcxW
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpYErzUmY4
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDQsgX6PO6
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8GWzezsLB
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufcA4HuAen
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWB5SB5NeS
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Oa5JxbGf4
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmLkzXgfKU
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxZwuDV6Tz
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYrv2caq1t
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5OiIPPich
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUDNt648n7
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbTwiJOuSU
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxtrIuFcBX
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6m6gifWoS
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxwzUNn5oy
*/*/*858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmiPVk77bF
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5GH9dZej1
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3riOnhJcrQ
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRxN0S7jMR
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSPhfrh8M5
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDeF3Id23c
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YUJmwS88B
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KqXUqKhpg
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsPOHpreok
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTxnjDWTKW
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnShNf5j0Cn
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRz8zHvTfA
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLVJqAwQhA
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVUj8EE6Vw
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql85JFYfhe
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLEHJ27JkC
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvISm96e6tP
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LWDIpyWMF
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MGOhtkg4p
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggj3kTxica
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2Z4Bk5LC2
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbFVaQJGwU
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSco8MvN1I6
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf6eAnYHjU
*/*/*858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrF63yiwES
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPEhl9333U
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cbJQXer5N
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2ZXiLp1B4
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmmOAjEyx2
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCpm9BdV3b
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPy4DMs25F
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZa5bZIn5K
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn64Pp8XLr
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaFr3jkVWV
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRlN1oXpYj
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxlRWCITs2
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JRbEG0L3Q
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6g8rxMn1I
*/*/*858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfTu5kczuz
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aMTgXehzT
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtayFlqB4Vt
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0PeGSAiDe
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfjeFSNsDd
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2w9cKC5oH
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglb9AAkBdq
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx7M3AuFC8
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykoT8jl7Cr
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLBo0h5kUJ
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoAJP1zQRI
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvyw7WROgM
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlkmotAuLA
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP9EWKc5Af
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdXjrlIEwj
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ojlvWOubu
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZaY5rOh5w
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGaSc7TuSv
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfoTMPERn3
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqxi1ZFv2E
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpEgg9G8AU
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaQh5q4xz8
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh9DIVRZwB
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV766c4FXd
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxXQYQnEqz
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPgrfCvJtA
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
