Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxj5k0l1UKb
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDs3d8QvZN
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWbAuvF2Fi
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2YRuZVNXN
Her face remains serene.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbP1qpFlkK
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkab9rg6PZ5
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIlNnbyd5z
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yJuM19BEV
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjiJ9pZpF0
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuUxDCWcKo
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0426h68ney
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtzCih3khZ
This should have been her beginning.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJRMreGsPh
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuDqutXinD
*/*/*885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfadBmdeV3
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaxogJEQcq
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyT4bk97gp
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2UI9Tnx0C
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbir0fsko9
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlpzMih4Jk
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbNGM2g2n0
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDjBRqzfFK
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4Eg0jEwec
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZilhdXxyI
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVMrUI6tJj
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWp4KWYSPIW
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf95Maki1DU
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfoYM2abf3
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOJ0thbe17
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUSonu718i
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdRyKhLNA8
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5qm2LIHfB
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgHf48bQr4
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxz7t2zPRs
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbk3jfBpZJ
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXtQdIujDF
*/*/*885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2QMTQGWTV
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTSp46SBxM
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJfjtQteAl
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKVjwY6Ytk
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zwqAszEut
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwYZZUDs9A
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VXDQApjFK
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Af4s9OngL
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttDtwaxLLX
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fsbyEEbST
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yNskM3BD2
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLxUX7X4zT
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwWd3vthyE
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFj5mFFxah
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTe9EUzQ1P
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KzLOTFwV5
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrahNFj0XV
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4ePAgKo0L
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPAddTT89L
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMR89MxDqB
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S8D1MPId1
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kE4o8CNfj
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiLEJPaXBH
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVTmNXnkla
*/*/*885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHK6KMCn6Z
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkMQ16lBuk
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a6aGBWawA
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZfTQzJbys
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12rRyFJPul
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKzHpfUxgg
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7OKjuZIoU
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOng3H67ER5
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84EZQ3MAql
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RNLCZGGOF
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPYyMnEKWZ
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7nw5sUANb
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj8wSNLprB
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtWFFHnn4l
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEh0hCm077
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzxMNjFoQh
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvkjNV8lPq
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOmweORfHC
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbRunWDfXq
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEM35tBjmA
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGxWq8vYnM
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTz1mVWkNh
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLOhZn9eck
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*/*/*885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL8FII2S03
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvVFp48455
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt5uNsgD2t
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dFrlYsiVs
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpgFqIdohP
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjMFxjQTGj
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AVKv8vEHo
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRZe7bTYKx
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeqyByVjVr
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdZ6KXvA1Q
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oJifFQcRV
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaa4CyxUDW
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIA0wWTVbt
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawFHbYnTh5
*/*/*885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWNUgwJVQg
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RSPfYo9Nh
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuMXvszT5I
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPWMIsHdFV
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhXbHJB5cQ
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrbsWjVnR4
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQZLbZwNAa
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m927bYCLp
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOjqfopHFM
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV5m1DuiCC
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg5GFlp0AY
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPja3gzWtiy
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT5b8QUEeL
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRYR6akTz3
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXPxMnunpL
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm0Kt1RV3I
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfRUIiIQTt
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh7Dxyj6Et
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcRc8mH6kV
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrfvZKDVZ5
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOv04y7pOW
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdp8xYIQ6Y
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eZM6MZlxY
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqESrqlzTj5
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtCMyttTDz
885Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyfa5bpUrx
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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