Jax had come and gone from time to time, talking to me in private, never acknowledging me in public. I didn't mind, at least he tried. He never brought her up again, never told me he was sorry, or told me I wasn't to blame. Maybe he had changed his mind; maybe he thought I really did kill her? I didn't mind, after all, it's what everyone thought.
Sometimes, he would nod at me in the school hallways, like a secret code almost. He never asked how I was, or if I was okay. He knew I wasn't, and neither was he. We left it at that. We reminisced over our childhood or complained about exams, almost like normal kids. Except, we weren't normal. We had a huge secret on our shoulders, and our lives were almost ruined by the accident.
My reputation was gone, down the drain. In the whole town, one person truly believed in me. My family never said it to my face, but I knew what they thought, that's why they didn't really talk to me when I was younger. I saw them at home, but dinner time was awkward, until I finished and continued hiding under my duvet. The chatter could begin once I was gone, and I could hear them from my den. It used to make me cry, but after a while it didn't bother me. After all, who wants to be related to a criminal?
There was an annual carnival, down by the river. Once every year, bright lights, merry go rounds, and candy floss would attack our town for a week. I used to love it. Sitting on the big wheel with my people, getting high of candy. That year, that year was different, the hot summers breeze was too hot, the candy floss too sweet. Even though I did attend, it felt different, and I'm not sure if the old feeling ever came back.
I saw Jax at one point in the evening, he gave me a little wave when nobody was looking and then he was dragged away by his friends. In his tired eyes, I could see he wasn't enjoying the carnival as much as he used to. Maybe it was because he was getting older, or maybe it just was the circumstances of the past year.
I always used to see Jax and Alycia at the ring toss, in the past, both fighting to see who could win first. I always used to hold her hand at the top of the big wheel, as she was afraid of heights. I used to kiss her behind the food truck, as our friends ordered fries and doughnuts.
I used to tell her I loved her when we held hands as we walked behind our group.
I took her for granted.
I missed her.
My eyes flickered over to the wheel, then to the truck, and back to my own hands.
It would never be the same again.
I brought my attention to my surroundings, while counting to ten in my buzzing head.
The whole town must've attended on that particular night, and the atmosphere seemed too stuffy, too crowded. Queues for the rides were miles long, and the music blared too loudly. Towards the end of the night there was always a speech, thanking people for their hard work throughout the year. The mayor would give a short talk and then everyone would be on their merry way home.
At least I thought it would be that simple.
At least I thought I could fly under the radar.
"Good evening!" The mayor's voice boomed. A chorus of welcoming and cheers were heard in response.
"There is someone who would like to make a speech tonight.” I frowned; this had never happened in the past. I immediately recognised who was padding up to the podium.
Not her.
Anyone but her.
"Hello everyone!" She cheered.
"I'm here to say a few words about our dear departed friend, Alycia" Her eyes seemed to scan the wild crowd, before she landed on my wide eyes, frantically searching for a way out.
"I'm sure many know who she was, and how she died. I'm not sure you know the full story yet" She sent a smirk my way.
I knew what was coming.
I knew what she had planned.
I tried to run, get away, but my feet were frozen to the ground, almost like the Earth was punishing me for killing her. Pushing me to my fate.
"There's one person who knows the full story, but I won't get her to join me tonight, I'll tell the story for her. You all know there was a crash, a dreadful crash that took our best and brightest. Well, I'm sure you don't know how the car crashed, and it wasn't to do with the drunk driver."
Her eyes met mine.
I knew what would happen.
"It was her." Her finger pointed to me; a million sets of eyes burned into my head.
"She planned it. She wanted to kill Alycia because she knew something she shouldn't have" I couldn't seem to find the air to breathe. I couldn't look from her eyes. Yet, after all of that, I couldn't find a reason to blame her; after all it was my fault.
"Alycia knew a big bad secret" She sung out; an evil look plastered on her face.
"She, that girl right there, she loved Alycia, she loved her too much. In a way that Alycia couldn’t ever love her back.” People seemed to get what she was hinting at; the whole town grew silent.
All eyes on the outcast.
All eyes on the sinner.
I can't remember much before I felt the cold metal wrap around my wrists, confirming my guilt. Being pushed into the back of a police car is all I recalled before I saw the face of Jax.
I had never experienced betrayal until that moment. Staring at him, from the inside of a police car, I began to tremble, with anger or sadness, I would never know. Yet, what infuriated me the most, is how he looked at the ground, desperately avoiding eye contact with the girl who trusted him.
The girl he betrayed.
He knew the truth, and I thought saw something before I was sent away, just milliseconds before he was out of reach.
His face held that of a promise, like he almost promised to free me, to tell the world the truth.
Like I said.
Almost.
ns 15.158.61.39da2
