Going to School anxiously every morning I imagine was probably an experience that all of us had, not wanting to star a class because we haven't studied for the test, haven't worked on a presentation and it's not done, but for me these things were the very minor problems, my anxiety was coming from the sheer amount of hate I received in my sixth grade, I couldn't even look at the people when going through the hallway because I started trembling by the thought of someone in a group would heckle me and mock me, Even the teachers, Even though they never bullied me they did have a certain aura that creeped me out whenever they started even looking at me, as it turns out teachers themselves, Mentors acted like children in the faculty room started gossiping about the worst students who couldn't study well, basically look down upon them, everyone who was a teacher's pet was aware of it but us, I only knew this was happening under our nose because I overheard two well respected students talk about how a teacher Didn't even reviewed a student's test, just gave them a bad grade and showed it away saying "what's the point? this snot never learns, why should this be different from the rest of the test he took?" as the two students laughed at the poor student my blood started to boil with rage, what kind of school is this? I don't understand how grown-up people like this are in control of the children's future! We aren't alive to them, we are just worthless kids because we don't kiss their asses as the rest of them do.
The next day I found out who got that bad grade, it was no other than Griffin himself; I was already very late to class, everyone was basically in class already but as I was running down the stairs to get to the classroom, I almost tripped on Griffin, he was just sitting on the stair, crying alone, in this type of school one's first thought would be that he got bullied, but as it turns out he was the one who got the bad grade on the test he didn't even deserve. This was quite a surprise to me however because he wasn't a bad student, he just wasn't in it like the rest, but he did fail a class which means he completely lost respect to one of the many meanest teachers in the school, that's the actual first time I could talk to him about something quite personal, by choosing to ignore the class completely and just listen to him, he told me sobbingly that he tried hard to study every time but some doesn't have the luxury to study at home in peace, turns out his life at home wasn't as cheerful as I thought, that day he told me some personal stuff that I wasn't quite sure what to think about, His dad beat up the poor boy because he bought the wrong kind of cigarettes for him... he beat that poor boy almost to the point where he bleed out, while his mom just watched. I couldn't possibly imagine a worse situation like that, but finally, it made sense why Griffin couldn't achieve peak success quite like the others... it was all because of his horrible parents, there were more horrific stories he told me about his parents but this was his most recent story that he could tell clearly, the other ones have rushed sentences where I couldn't hear what he said clearly because of his ugly crying. "You know Malo, I like you more than the rest of the gang, Levin, and Caleb? they wouldn't give a fuck about me but I like you, You listen." as I was hearing these words I felt my heart melting, no one ever said that they like me as he did so it was a pretty great feeling, a feeling that I wouldn't get back that quickly, I knew this so I cherished that moment with us together. We ended up going to the class thirdy minutes late that day, and it was totally worth it. When we got to the classroom Griffin opened the door, his eyes were clearly red, I don't know if anyone realized but I had a suspicion that my crush did because after we sat down he threw a note to me directly, I didn't know what to expect since we never really spoke in letters, I thought he might wanted to flirt with me again or something, or at least that what I wanted him to write but he just asked what happened with me and Griffin, nobody but him realized that terrible look Griffin had in this entire class, In my eyes, this made him even more attractive in a way, it showed that he's really perceptive and caring. I only wrote "it's kind of personal, maybe you should take it with him if you want to find out" but our desk was kind of far away, and I wasn't confident enough to throw the note to him, I made the decision to wait on it until class ends and I'm gonna give the note to him later, he was waiting on that note the whole class but I still wasn't confident that I could make that throw, and I didn't want nobody to see, especially the teacher. When the class ended I immediately got up suddenly and rushed to him, not saying a word just shoving that note into his hand. After reading that short sentence he looked up to me in confusion and, started smiling, I didn't know what to make of that, but I also didn't want to ask what was with his face, I just remember I started turning red. The very next morning in class he calmly approached me and hinted to open my hand to him, he wanted to give me something, which was a tiny, crunched-up pink note with the words written " Hello ♥" Was this obvious? apparently for me back then it wasn't a clear attempt at flirting, but I didn't know what to make of it, We both laughed at the situation but needless to say after that, He and I had a blast. We started writing notes to each other for no apparent reason, they were mostly pointless sentences, sometimes jokes, or sometimes we would write down a random event that happened to us that day, Even I don't understand how this happened exactly, I guess he found me funny that after coming to him with that note I still insisted him to read it when I could've just said it, or perhaps how fast I got up? I will never know now...
Each year the school tradition was to appear in a play at the end of our school year, we all had a nice choice, Either you don't do it and you have to pay the entry fee to a great end-of-the-year school trip, or do it and get the trip for free. I always participated but one time, I mainly did it because I knew I'd make some great memories, and maybe just maybe I could spend some time with him on the trip. We mainly danced each year, a slow-ballad-styled one where the girls had to wear a Green dress while the boys just a simple tuxedo with a green bow tie. The dance practices weren't a hassle at all, I remember we all had so much fun just thinking about our dance choreography with the teacher, it certainly took us several weeks to finally get it right, but... What was supposed to be fun for me felt more like a depressing chase of trying to get his attention through and through, I was trying to spend some time with him, so when we all practiced in our town's cinema theater, Technically it wasn't a movie theater but for some reason everyone called it that in our town, the only thing you could watch is all kinds of different plays, and most of the times it was just used by our school but I digress, Two classes merged together, dancing with each other on a stage play with the atmosphere being just the stage lights and all those empty chairs you could barely see because of those stage lights pointing at you. You know... We're both on the stage but I'm not supposed to dance with you... I had to suppress the pain I've felt each and every time I had to touch my dance partner's hand that wasn't yours, dancing to the ballad as we didn't see anything but each other, Just waiting for the moment to end felt slow and agonizing, I don't know much about how you felt, because I never questioned your opinion on everything, I was so scared to get verbally attacked, or just the thought of our opinions being so different from each other scared me so... I never actually put myself out there and asked questions, and I'm just so sorry.
But it was all done, After our play the teacher arranged a party for the students that participated, I don't know how selfish or obsessive this truly is, I imagine a lot but at the party, I couldn't get my eyes off of you, I know this is all wrong and I should've thrived to get rid of these feelings, but at the same time, I didn't know how, it's not like you can control love, I can't turn the other way when it comes to human feelings and Just ignore our most important part of what makes us human... I decided to get some fresh air from the party, As I was heading outside from it the atmosphere change hit my senses, how the loud music that was playing instantly turned into background music after I instantly closed the door behind me, and went into the dark and cold outside. I took a good look at the night sky while shivering, but that time it wasn't because of the cold. The stars felt like were shining brighter, and so did the beautiful moon, It felt like every star had a partner that accompanied them, I took a great look at you on the dance floor from outside, how you were surrounded by great friends, being happy, enjoying the moment. I just couldn't get it... why can't I be happy? Why didn't the Universe grant me with great-loving friends? I am completely alone. As I realized this at that point I was on the cold ground floor sitting and being on the verge of crying, But at that moment a really small snowflake landed on my nose, and so did the other ones followed, I looked up at the sky and there it was, It started snowing in front of me, I couldn't help to appreciate it, however. In a way it felt personal, call it a sign if you want to... A sign that I should never let myself be in this depressed state of mind, and let myself enjoy moments like these more, Everything felt quiet around me, As I watched the snowflakes fall to the ground very slowly it looked like time had been slowed down just for me, I took a great look at you again from outside and shed a tear or two, while I was curled up on the floor, "Happy Christmas to you..."
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBQ3qF4HeY
