"Where have the good times gone? Where I could remember your face miraculously and your handsome curly hair, I can't even recall if I ever touched your hair, but I kinda wish I did. I wish I'd hugged you more, and supported you on things more, but I'm scared you wouldn't understand me. Last night I was walking along our empty park alone, thinking about all the possible futures I missed out on, I don't know why I even tried to calm myself down when I know my thoughts would start to bleed, But a human being can't possibly be cooped up in their room all the times, can they? I'm not safe from my mind even if I try to improve my health and go on walks, But would you even want to start over with me after these years? Would you care to message me if I messaged you first? Would you still flirt with me? I'm scared after these years someone took your heart without me knowing. It's driving me absolutely insane not even hearing about you but I have no choice but to suffer in silence, messaging you is harder than jumping off a bridge into my suffocating death, Sometimes I feel like no one but me understands this feeling, since everyone's first choice of words when I mention this is "oh just text him already, what could go wrong?" they say it like the possible outcome can only be good, I get that they try to be supportive, but real life is not black and white, and really when I received these "supportive" messages I feel insulted, It feels like someone is insulting my intelligence and forgets that people would literally stone me in public, haven't they forgot how their own kind can act like? We are foul creatures, in reality, just waiting for a good excuse to attack the other person for seemingly no reason.
This pain is so infuriating, I'm stuck in an endless limbo where the pain is never-ending all the time, Where my thoughts are the only thing providing me false comfort.
In the end, I know nothing happened between us but every day, every second my thoughts are still in that false comforting zone where you and I happened, and yes, I am very ashamed, I still don't like myself, trying to improve your mental health without touching your sensitive unhealed emotions is like trying to clean a dirty window with an even dirtier washcloth. Trying to not be less sad is a task harder than conquering a gas giant, But I'll promise you, I will continue to stay as strong as I can be no matter what the world will throw at me, Even if you don't know I'm fighting this battle because of you, Or if I never am able to see you ever again, but rest assured no one could conquer my heart anymore as you did."
146Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RwBgR8pyw
"It's difficult to explain, so I stay quiet."
ns 15.158.61.20da2
