"I'm on a verge of madness just trying to decipher you, my dear. I might actually be crazy, just another lunatic that can't talk about anything else but you, I truly feel that without you; I am nothing now, Just another guy who doesn't have a future path, His own goals, hopes, and dreams. Just a vessel floating in the endless nothing waiting on his final ride to "Paradise"
I don't know you, I never truly did, every time I tried to talk with you about something you ignored me or looked at me funny, and got right back to flirting, or "joking" were you just trying to mess with me so that you could ruin my future years? How cruel can a person be?
Everyone thought I was weird.. my parents, Teachers, Close friends, acquaintances... But no, I refuse to believe that even you! No matter who says it I still don't Belive that even you thought that I was just a freak, someone who you can easily mess around with, I mean the signs were all there that you were into me! Right? RIGHT? oh... Even after these years alone in my thoughts, I'm repeating the same scenarios, the same words you said to me back then, Trying to re-construct the faces you made, While walking all around my room holding onto my chin.
But I'm afraid the others are right you know, Even if you'd love me I'm afraid I could never be good enough for you, or anyone. I don't know how others act like in a relationship, People asked me before how can I give them great relationship advice If I had never even been in a relationship before. The thing is, You opened my eyes! While others around my age were just trying to get by, trying to seek validation from every person they tried to steal a kiss from that week; I realized they didn't want to be in a relationship because they liked their partners. They wanted people to look up to them, they only wanted to be "popular" this is why you see a lot of teenage couples cheating on their partners every five minutes. but me? I only wanted your love and no one else's. Other people didn't excite me at all, nobody else could make me feel emotions like you. Hell for a very long time I was convinced I didn't have any emotions, But then you came along! and all of my emotions started appearing, flowing in me like never before... I don't know how, I only know I needed to get you... Because if I can't I..."
"The parts of me that used to think I was different or smarter or whatever, almost made me die"74Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1y5VTYAD02
- David Foster Wallace
