我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWJTLfHgyq
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXaApEtpZq
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ElaUrDCsV
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yIjmv0Axe
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHEW8fWQNE
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡer8VcS6Ju4
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhnR6olFKo
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJ5BdqZHvz
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTNS3etJ0x
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHmuTUurbI
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYbhalN4RJ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNp46trq98
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUb70kJubI
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxMVDfBHSl
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN0YE5VtvE
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbcfUqaPS0
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKzPkjWCTq
熬夜……對，我的錯。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDjstencma
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXk2pp4ktd
的“林布蘭特”？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2D0V2xIpVX
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb72oY9yZPt
吸了……397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeLIUEByH8
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9k2xy1sfi
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnqTvffDSD
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4srupVEDu
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX2itkeQct
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmf7Gvcqrr
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOhkZaPkY2
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcnIkfUFkP
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6PzeME3ME
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f04VhmV6w
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZc56aKA28
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki9N2zUAtm
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZBsYCMOfP
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXYA9oiKNp
怎麼辦？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiJqzVJILP
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGHru1Ebq7
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBHgRH6XKQ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmPAoSq50o
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzeQxESGKG
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl6OZpMOyY
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBxghxzlfy
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3q5vHGQcC
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstihAlkgFc
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rcN8wvFZw
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeFNsJWiOh
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTAzhlxrFX
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCloCpBiO4
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMxIiwZm6q
「下跪道歉」？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMwbpR2y17
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbF3WrmJWR
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcJg5ISNZJ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xPZnz7RmR
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYZICg3LML
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAAO4oEfsv
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUibiU7tmy
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhswfix7WOE
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhnpqJdK2j
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOETkeQmS1
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtDkcNa3kr
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAJbaWua5y
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHfaXRZ1Fj
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6HHSG27Jj
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeuZGEGgHw
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCdGAKvxjv
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQgVhmhuBA
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXvZ0zbB2U
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxchyDirgA3
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbDXjWaPV5
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYF4b7yJbc
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g8CENtvhM
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6I1Nex5Su
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3h1sNLmTVn
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHTrfXMpiE
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcSb4jJpft
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uhWu508jH
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TJFI8qOJD
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaJ9HY6jON
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNAvZ6PZuq
「媽」…唉…又來了…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9dNutMiC2
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l2nC99Lln
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv9bYAp8u8
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2jrVpUUKP
咦…不對……397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovEtlOjKZQ
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2iqCK9poy
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9bs19ioE4
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLMXAOqoQk
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sqnZ7BJNe
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AIj1My7vt
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4HbpIUPbE
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbjz13uuUT
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJy436P680U
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9MQrVgohC
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlyHqUKkhz
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdUYWsF9k4
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITeyktGwym
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8j4HLCifz
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFi2XJSOaO
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTAcTE65Kz
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVwbBkOKsD
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrSi1Wnzsz
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX8s5lf8A4
　　397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzFUtjAMAR
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEzpfmiBtS
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88jP9UB544
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP29cP7du6r
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ5RbbnJxS
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNZpYE3O5X
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ0NThxtrz
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAE0BefnhT8
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5r4z2sZC0
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6xOSSnopb
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTqclAXw1p
退不得，那就跑吧！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GbqKKRwr6
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqaky0cIND
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOdJQkgZjY
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Da4A2tkqu
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5IgTV5ddi
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmHIkm5pFA
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。