我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOnASsMVkl
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8ulrCII8Z
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SgvyVjWQX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM9QKFiml4
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5n98iCkoex
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8EaQC4vkH
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhUMzoIsXP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJv3CkXAzG
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhM3mJ5Rqd
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQMnMexXO4
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfp80RBxfu
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvEuCfXI7u
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQlunXfqGX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc3dL0vI7g
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnFdK3zVNe
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYcMNp4f5c
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkXAOiH0ZH
熬夜……對，我的錯。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCWZNtM70k
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNZp29keig
的“林布蘭特”？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZX0iIzkQZ8
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp2aBwC518
吸了……398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCsIMhXbxh
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡley2TU2GHD
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwAU4tmuFX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFomCpOwSE9
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCEleDPYlv
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUv4iKEKb2K
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwt3BiYJzo
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnTWHImMFe
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kUFLUtSIo
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9RsqsmvCO
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWflqjvvI4Y
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CYjyQEBmV
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafL2Uj0Ckb
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9dxmsGS3w
怎麼辦？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ikVWNcNFe
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuFWRv3uLM
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNfofxDaFj
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUMyL5pr5G
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJb4d8TSkF
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HQ4DsWl6t
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9WmfomVXN
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4TLbMULMF
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNAuabx0WB
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhC0zLcg4Yy
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoLNLsrvGv
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fMqHDXfpe
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnU0Npn7nD
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUnag1HaTw
「下跪道歉」？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPnqwzjZol
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgbXFXMdXe
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXH8tBPxZ1
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8dpgsz9kl
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27yT7zflXp
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflN73U4cQY
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRVO9HML8I
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScSr1laaVF
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGdKJp547O
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12VbYaJKEX
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCFI4lw60O
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Qj1rsAF7s
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyhADzkabT
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYF4rWsPCI
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ6HCMg13t
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3huhuKww2i
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylzpkGOlc9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuhhNiwvSH
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2H2SOR3Ge
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23u6sH6NrN
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxefbEKqg3L
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzAWwEBkli
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a6yIIeAli
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmGKLXL3b2
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwVKWsH3Ab
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKY0oFpYtp
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWdTBnyD63
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTI37wLW5dE
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstRLT1QsaQ
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0SWg5gAjU
「媽」…唉…又來了…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0A6PpwwZOO
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasIz8JigZK
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4WmCoDPe2
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKr0E7CVUR
咦…不對……398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM9TF1NVKY
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvbWNPr6Mi
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuUoQWSsAj
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOV2MrAZN7w
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0meTH4Jtn2
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubnqZQvPNx
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOydK157IOQ
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IPiJWZGvV
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXexmDt0xkj
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX0dDccAJd
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKlxBwt4vc
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS2ak63Lae
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dAUlR5fbd
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTypAavLmW
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9b4szJ2erG
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96pbt3Ibv3
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9omwRWtzMB
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAL9ragEkz
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptM05755NM
　　398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88yHzXKWhw
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡronnASQ8n7
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5iZsOQOHH
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPw2BNSrOE9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpzkdY0TMF
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUrNCzbx3j
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd4igECSDe
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGjvWLK3kr
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLq3NW09XAu
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi6egfwuMR
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPR2OrLN2RU
退不得，那就跑吧！398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIuCuuHOrm
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKEv61LASj
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlekACSeiUP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvySSjMcfm
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixyZ5aPpEz
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0A1mcu8nO
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。