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I first gazed upon the individual who would become my personal god while jumping out of the back of a pickup.
The pickup was driven by John, a private investigator I had hired. After my jump, I hid in the bushes so I would be able to hear any conversation.
When Julia, the woman I sought, came to her front door, John said, "Ma'am, I don't usually stop by the domicile of the people I'm investigating."
Julia replied, "That's good, I guess. Are you in the insurance industry or something?"
"No ma'am, I was hired by a man to track you down. I'm thinking I shouldn't tell him where you live."
Julia provided with a whopping dose of sarcasm, "Let me guess, it's because I'm in a wheelchair, woe is me."
John said, "To tell you the truth, since you're in a wheelchair you might not be able to protect yourself from him."
"Might not be able to protect myself? Okay, let's rewind and go back to the beginning of this tale."
"Well ma'am, I'm not supposed to talk about my clients, but he looks...Ma'am, are you like a former child TV star?"
"Since the early years of the Internet, people have tried to locate me for the controversial positions I've taken."
John looked unimpressed. He said, "I avoid the Web. I'm old fashioned in how I gather information. I pound the pavement."
It was obvious that Julia was mutually unimpressed. She said, "Your client is probably an obsessed follower, a very obsessed one."
John said, "He could be a follower, but I do know for a fact that he doesn't understand personal computers."
Julia scrunched up her face, "What kind of individual doesn't understand how a personal computer works in the year 2012?"
"I don't know," John replied, "but my client is starting to spook me, to tell the honest to God truth."
"Why? What for? Why is that?" Julia didn't appear nonplussed anymore, and her cheek began to twitch.
"He refers to you as a 'divine being' whenever we talk about the progress of the investigation."
"Oh, boy."
John didn't bother to say "goodbye" or another polite farewell. He turned, leaving the story unfinished. In other words, he provided no ending to this tale, happy or otherwise.
Julia pushed herself out of her wheelchair and took a few wobbly steps down her accessibility ramp. She plopped down and leaned back against the white walls of her decrepit home. She stared blankly at her unkempt front lawn as John got into the pickup's front seat.
John decided to leave this parting shot as he started the engine, "Also, ever since I've met this client, I've been attracting dogs no matter where I go. It's like they've got radar."
Then Julia saw me and yelled, "There's one!" She tacked on menacingly, "Get out of here, you effin' mutt!"
I didn't expect her to spot me, so I sprinted to the backyard and morphed into the form of an elderly woman.
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