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things are okay. they’re getting better. i think. i don’t know. maybe. i’m hanging out with my friends more. i went to my first physical theatre club today at lunch. it was fun. people seem like they actually wanna talk to me. yeah it’s fun. but i just can’t get it out of my head. i never thought that would happen to me. so many people i know have had it happen to them, some in a lot more serious ways. i didn’t think it was gonna happen, and it did. by someone i trusted. why? thinking about everything makes me super anxious. and sad even, i kind of miss it all but then i don’t. i think of the good shit but then the bad stuff just overwhelms my mind. then again i feel.. free? my heart felt like it was restrained, by myself and my feelings but now those feelings are gone. i think. i feel free. im far from being properly happy, but i have people who love me. i have madi, i have matylda, kennedy, ej, i have my best friend ever, mia. i know they are all there for me. they have all done a lot for me. and have all made me laugh or smile in some kind of way. maybe out of stupidity, maybe out of pure humour. they all mean a lot to me in some way. some people used to be on that list. and i’ll forever be grateful for that but i guess that’s just the way things go. if they were meant to stick around then maybe something would’ve happened by now. i kinda hope nothing happens though, that would just interrupt the flow of how shit is meant to go. i don’t wanna force anything anymore. if they wanna talk to me, ill talk. I’m not gonna force it upon them. not like i used to. but i do miss them. i hope they’re okay. sometimes i see one of them who goes to my school walking down the hall and i wonder what’s going on with that boy they used to like, or how their horse is doing. i noticed they finally got their braces off and we smiled at eachother the other week for the first time, in weeks, no. months. those people will have a special place in my heart, always. they all effected me in a way that i can never forget. they all played a massive part in my life and they all made me the girl i am right now. the girl who is sitting in bed, listening to music and surrounded by the room she always dreamed of having. i would never of had the style i have now, the personality, the room type that i have right now if it weren’t for them. i’m who i wanna be, in certain ways. thanks to them. got a bit off topic there but even if those people who aren’t really in my life anymore don’t have a special place for me, i will forever have a special place for them. that’s just who i am. i’m a soft hearted person and it can hurt a lot. but it makes people happy. that’s all i want. I’m glad I’m finally able to let go of those people. they don’t do me any good anymore but will hold what they did for me close to my heart. i want those people to be able to find happiness. i wish them well. i guess this is kinda an update of me. for anyone who’s  reading this. hi! hope your doing good. but yeah i’m chill. i’m figuring out stuff. i’m working on myself slowly. it’s gonna be okay. i think.8964 copyright protection165ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1TkKO6VkJ 維尼

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