From a presentation I gave before university classes in 2014:
I recently read in an article that Sports Illustrated used a plus size model for the first time on their cover. This news actually insulted and angered me. Why is there even a distinction necessary, a category, made to describe that difference between someone of a slightly more voluptuous frame? A model is a model is a model. They are all beautiful in their own right, so why do we need to add 'plus size' as though we're downplaying their worth?
My whole life, I was heavier set -- just enough to be called 'cute' with a baby face as a small child. But what lent itself to be endearing as a child didn't translate very well into my high school years. I was taunted, tormented and bullied from grades 7 to 10, when I finally moved away because the torment was so terrible to deal with.
The media portrays that thin is required in order to be beautiful -- with shiny hair and flawless skin. Why wouldn't I want to be like them, too? I never chose to have bad acne, to be born with heavier set genetics, to have unruly hair. All things within my genetics that I can't control or change, even though I wanted to. By the end of high school, excessive exercise and dieting had brought my weight down to a terrifying low 120 lbs. Friends and family were afraid that I would collapse or break at any moment. This was the first time that I began to realize that something was seriously wrong with the outlook that beauty required being unhealthily thin. I slowly regained that weight over the next few years. However, I struggled back and forth between anorexia and binge eating for the next three years.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that I was just plain unhappy, not matter what weight I achieved. The focus on beauty was making me miserable. What was the point of being beautiful outside if I could never feel it inside? I made the decision to ditch the scale, drop the junk food, and consult a nutritionist and personal trainer. I wanted, more than anything, to be happy and feel confident in my own skin -- no matter what others thought or said. But it's a hard mindset to overcome, and I still struggle with the most important question: why do we perceive the negative opinions of others are more important to us than the positive, and our own?661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeUTAMReBI
