Elise had no idea that she was about to open up a Pandora's box, of sorts. Danny asked her if she wanted to stay over that night, but she declined. It was just a flash, but Elise still saw the look of confusion, hurt, and disappointment briefly pass over his face.
"Oh...Is everything ok?" was all he asked. She knew what his comment really meant: Did I do something wrong? Guys could be just as cryptic as girls.
"No, no, everything's fine," she tried to soothe his hurt ego. "It's not you at all. I just need some time to think, clear my head. That's all." Danny slowly nodded his head, looking down at his lap. He wasn't convinced. Elise sat down next to him on the bed reluctantly, afraid touching the bed itself and being so close to Danny would change her mind.
"I'm sorry. I'm making this weird, aren't I?" she looked to him, but he was still staring at the comforter.
"Danny, I love you," she spoke softly, placing a hand on his exposed shoulder.
"I love you too. That's why I don't understand why you want to leave," he sighed, finally looking at her. She wanted to die. She was fairly certain she would if he continued looking at her with that hurt puppy dog expression.
"Danny, I'm not making up some excuse to get away from you. I would love nothing more than to stay here and wake up with you next to me tomorrow morning. But I've got a lot on my mind. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. In a good way," she squeezed his shoulder. "If I stayed I know I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy our time together. Ok?"
Danny still looked slightly hurt, but he nodded.
"Next time," she promised, though he still wouldn't look at her.
"Ok," he kept nodding his head. Elise felt like her heart was going to shatter into a thousand pieces.
"I'll call you in the morning."
More nodding as Danny lifted a hand half-heartedly. She let herself out...and may have cried a few tears on the way home.
As it turned out, it would be the first of many that night.
A thousand, silly girly questions ran through her head that night. Just as she would finally reach the brink of sleep another one would float into her consciousness.
Was I being weird? Should I have stayed?
Will he even answer the phone in the morning when I call?
Did she force them to take a step backward when they should have been going forward after finally taking the leap into physical love earlier?
Elise ended up with more questions than she had to begin with. She had told Danny the truth. She was feeling overwhelmed by the turn their relationship was taking. She did want some time to think on things. Who knew. Maybe it just scared the shit out of her because she had only felt this strongly about one other guy in her life. And even that wasn't really true. It had only been a few months and she felt even more towards Danny than she ever had with Jeremy. Maybe she was trying to distance herself in a way, afraid to get hurt again. Or maybe she was afraid it was all in her head, caused by the fact that Elise had never really dated much. The whole thing freaked her out, made her crazy, and scared the hell out of her at the same time. The problem wasn't that she loved him. The problem was that she was in love with him. Maybe I should have stayed after all. Then I wouldn't have had so much time to think and even more problems than I started with, she thought, sighing.
Elise rolled over towards her alarm clock next to her bed. 12:12 am.
She couldn't take it any more. She had to call him or she would never be able to fall asleep.
"Hello?" Danny finally answered after 3 rings, his voice thick with sleep.
"Did I wake you?" she whispered for some reason. "I woke you, didn't I?" She caught herself biting her nails, suddenly nervous.
"Elise?"
"Yah...I'm sorry I called so late."
"Is everything ok?" his voice became more alert.
"Yes...no. I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep," she paused again. "I didn't like the way things ended tonight and I can't stop thinking about it," she hadn't bitten her nails in years, but continued, no longer caring. It was better than smoking, at least. If it weren't so damn cold out, she probably would have done that too.
A sigh came from Danny's end of the phone.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was a jerk. I was going to make it up to you in the morning." A silence fell on each end.
"You were?" Elise asked meekly. "So you're not mad at me?"
"God, no, baby. I was being neurotic, selfish even. I never act like that. You just make me so, so, crazy sometimes."
"Oh," was all she could say, confused. Is he mad at me or not?
"God damn it. None of this is coming out right. I meant crazy in a good way...I think. Like, ok," he was getting flustered again and sighed. "I was being butt hurt tonight because I was really looking forward to you spending the night, ok?" he finished his sentence almost defiantly. It was cute and a little scary how he got so upset over sharing, or defending, his feelings sometimes. Danny was usually the self-proclaimed open book he said he was. Elise couldn't help but wonder if he knew how bad he was at admitting when he was hurt.
"I'm sorry, Danny. I had no idea," she spoke quietly, lost for words.
"I know you didn't. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Hell, I shouldn't have assumed you would stay in the first place."
"I wasn't lying earlier about why I wanted to come home. At least I don't think I was on purpose, anyways," she paused, taking a deep breath. She didn't have much room to talk when it came to having a hard time sharing feelings. "I'm scared, Danny," she let the words hang in the air.
"Scared of what?" he asked with a gentleness in his voice now.
"Everything. Scared of us. Scared of what's going to happen. Scared of pushing you away. Scared you don't feel the same way I do...I'm just scared," Elise admitted. She suddenly realized she was shaking.
"I wish I were there with you so I could hold you." It's like he could sense even over the phone how much of a wreck she was. Her eyes stung.
"I wish you were too," she managed, trying to fight the emotion slipping into her voice.
"You know I would come over there in a heartbeat if you wanted me to, right?"
Elise held the phone away from her so he wouldn't be able to tell she was crying.
"Just say the words and I'm there," he offered again. She knew she needed to answer him, but couldn't. She put a hand over the speak as an extra precaution.
"Elise? Are you still there?"
"Yes. I do," she struggled to keep her voice even. "I want you to come over. If you don't mind. It's late," she spoke quickly, rushed.
"Sweetheart, I would come over any time of day or night if you asked me." Elise sobbed harder.
"I'll be there in like 15 minutes, tops, ok?"
Elise nodded her head before remembering that he couldn't see her.
"Ok."
"I'll see ya soon."
ns 15.158.61.48da2
