20241225
To anyone who's reading,
As I have been sitting here in the darkness of this cell and thinking hard about my life and how I’ve gotten here. I have decided that today will be the last day of my life on Earth, this realm, this whatever. I'm not sure what medium anyone would see this, but I've been reliably informed that these end up on Instagram either transcribed electronically or scanned. I'm sorry you potentially have to read a suicide note written in purple felt tip pen but this is all I have here.
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To my friends of whom I don’t have a lot of:
I’m sorry it had to end this way. I really appreciate your judgments, your critiques, your advice towards my life and my art. It was fun doing what I truly loved doing for the last 4 years, and I’m also forever grateful for your companionship throughout the happiest years of my life. Don’t be too sad, and please continue to remember the moments we shared together fondly. Whether that's drinking 20 bottles of Soju in my flat, playing Splatoon in my flat, or talking shit about people… in my flat. We really should've gone outside a bit more.
P.S. Sam, you can have the Switch that’s in my flat, and all the games. I won’t be around to play it anymore. Christie, you can have my drawing tablet, I knew you always wanted one although you’re more of an analogue kinda gal. Of course, that’s assuming the pieces of shit at the national security division haven’t gotten to it yet.
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMZtfh9A5y
To my followers:
I’m sorry you have to learn of this news on Instagram. I hope to be an inspiration (though make sure you don’t get inspired by the getting arrested part) to some artists out there who decided to go down this path. It’s a path of uncertainty, doubt, but also one of joy, satisfaction, and one of psychological freedom (at least to me).
No matter if you've been around since “The Elephant and the Tiger” or joined along the way “The Boy on Maple Street” or heard about me from the news regarding my arrest because of “A Midsummer’s Night”. I thank you for your support from the bottom of my heart, regardless if you've read my work or not.
There will still be continuous artwork and manga being uploaded to the Instagram account, I have around 3 years worth of backlogged work so hopefully you guys don't unfollow immediately upon seeing this, but I digress.
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To Athena: (I guess that’s your name, you’re the person who takes my writings I leave inside the water cup):
I haven't written anything for the last 2 weeks nor have I received anything from you so I hope you're well.
I’ve never seen your face. I only know your name from occasionally eavesdropping the conversations outside my cell. While I’m not 100% sure you’ve actually done what I thought you’d do (i.e. giving me a voice from here in this dark void), I think you’re a good person. You made an attempt to communicate with me, and even if it is for nefarious reasons, I am grateful that you at least reached out.
You’re the only human interaction I have had for 3 straight months (I don't count the interrogators as human), and for that I would like to express my sincerest thanks. I hope you aren’t the one tasked with cleaning up the scene when I’m done with what I intend to do.
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To the moving pieces of flesh tasked with talking to me over the last 3 months:
Fuck you.
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To Dad:
Thank you for taking care of me for 27 years of life. I’ve always been guilty of not showing you enough affection, or being a bit of a bitch when I was younger.
I’m sorry for putting you through the things you had to go through during my upbringing. I knew you worked extra hard to get into a better school, to get us in a better financial position to afford university.
I’m sorry for not choosing a direction in my life. I knew art is not something that you wanted me to pursue and I can see in your eyes the disappointment when I first told you that I was going to quit my research job and move out from the family home.
I'm sorry for not talking with you very often. Often times we would be too busy or drained from work to talk to one another, and I regret this - a lot. I wish we connected a bit more over the years.
I’m sorry for choosing this final path, and I’m sorry for having to put you through the mess of handling what happens after.
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To Mum:
Thank you for raising me for the 27 years of my life. I miss your cooking so much. I miss having you around the house, even if we aren’t doing things together. It sometimes feels empty in my flat. Even if it's, I guess a place of my own.
I’m sorry for the sacrifices you had to raise both myself and Aster. I’ve never told you that I know this but I’ve heard from Dad that you’ve never wanted to have children when you two first met. He said you were adamant about it. So how should I put this? I guess I have to say, thanks for giving birth to me and accepting me as your child.
I’m sorry for putting you through so much stress as I grew older. I didn’t have many friends, unlike Aster I’ve always been introverted, and I knew you were very worried. I could tell you were trying hard to get me to go to church just so I can have some social interaction, and I’m sorry for blowing it off so many times. In truth, I felt comfortable where I was.
I’m sorry for not getting married, having kids, and being the typical obedient daughter.
I’m sorry for choosing this final path, and I’m sorry for having to put you through the mess of handling what happens after.
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To Aster:
Thank you for being the sensible older sister. I've always said, you'll probably be the one that ends up taking care of mum and dad when they get old. I guess I've given you no choice now, it'll be up to you. I'm very sorry for this.
Thank you for respecting my decision and standing up for me when I decided on my career change. I still remember the times when I first felt disillusioned with my job, you were there for me and gave me the mental support that I wanted and needed so much.
Sorry for not letting you know about my struggles even if you confided to me in yours, especially when we were both younger.
I hope you give get to live a good life, all my financial and material possessions I have will be passed over to you, please do whatever you want with them, or maybe just donate them to charity or whatever.
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To both my parents:
Again, I’m sorry for things to have to end this way. But after some deliberation I have decided that there really is no way I can leave peacefully after the events that have taken place in the last 3 months. Even if I am released.
I do not know the extent of your cooperation with the officials, but I understand your perspective. I would not say I agree with your position, but I am (or will) be dead, and therefore it doesn’t matter what I think.
I’ve noticed that today is Christmas. Please do not interpret this as an attack on your beliefs, while I do not necessarily align myself with your spiritual beliefs, I mean no ill will towards that at all. I have chosen today purely because there is a Christmas “party” that I have been given special disposition to attend after many requests from myself. Therefore this should give me ample time and tools to do what I would need to do.
Please, don't be too disappointed in me.
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To the residents of this city and/or residents of the world: Please take in the lessons of what I have had to deal with. Power is a scary thing, and the ability for one individual or entity to hold all power is a dangerous thing.
To those who have their own right to determine their collective futures: please treasure what you have, there are not many places in this world that has this privilege. Go out, vote, and make your voices heard.
To those who don’t and/or are fighting for their right to their collective futures: keep fighting the good fight. Do not silence yourselves, don’t bow down. You have my blessing and I’ll be cheering you on from beyond the grave (or wherever they dump my body in when I’m done with this).
To those who don't care about politics: I'm the one in solitary confinement. Piss off the wrong people and you'll end up here as well. I suggest checking out the poem "First They Came" from Martin Niemöller, a German pastor talking about the Holocaust.
To those who think I'm doing this for attention: Please remember that nobody wants to be locked up indefinitely alone. Nobody really wants to die young.
To those in control: I hope you're out there living a good life off the backs of others. Freedom is damaging, I get it. Empathy is hard, I get it. Sales reports are the bible and the market is your god, I get it. I'm merely a girl graffitiing the side of your mansion. I get it.
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I’m sorry to everyone who believed in me, who seen or even liked my art, who saw me as an inspiration. Please don’t take the road I have found myself speeding down. 27 may be the age rockstars die, but 27 is too young, and I'm no rockstar.
Stay healthy, stay happy, stay safe, and if you can, stay free.
Love,83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIrtyiR1ZS
Lily
