SUNGMIN saw him sitting at the garden steps, possibly trying to get some air from all the conversation and music. Kyuhyun has the sheen that New York gave, but he sat just like old times. His face up, looking at the stars, even if it was hard to. Always hoping to be amongst the brightest in the universe, this one. He always tried to burst his bubble and told him that the light we see are memories, projections of long ago dead stars.
"You always said they were memories of dead stars." He was startled when Kyu spoke. He let out a chuckle. "I never did listen to you when you started on your lectures. But your mind had always been the sexiest thing about you."
"Welcome back home." he sat next to Kyu and the latter faced him. Dried tears made his eyes red near the corner. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't. It wasn't your fault..." he sighed.
"Not entirely." he wanted to explain the trauma he went through. The reason why he was afraid to love him out in the open. But he felt like it would be pressing on an open wound. The bleeding might stop but the wound would just continue to throb despite all his efforts to make the pain go away.
Kyu managed a short laugh and nodded. "Not entirely..." he sat up and faced him fully. "I just have one question. I want you to be honest."
"Ask anything."
"If I hadn't left...if I stayed here with you. Do you think we would still be together?" Sungmin had asked himself that though Tao never asked him, at least not out loud.
"I would still be afraid, I think. We..." Sungmin knew that it was cruel but the truth could be so sometimes. He had to tell Kyu the answer he found in his heart. "We got comfortable keeping us a secret. He..." not wanting to compare was even crueler but it was what he knew Kyu needed to hear and know. "He made me braver. I don't know how he did it. But being with him doesn't feel like a risk. I think you cured me of my fear and he gave me a chance to be brave. When you left something inside me, the me who had once wanted to risk all of it, woke up. And Tao was the reason why that me thrived. He held on to me and meant it when he said he would never let me go. Even if I push him away. Even if I am afraid to love again. Even when I was afraid of crying again."
"He is so young. I miss being that idealistic." Kyu looked up to the stars again.
"Sometimes, when he looks at me and talks to me, I feel like he is an old soul. Like he has lived through this and was sharing his wisdom with me. He was so convinced that his love is enough to make me braver. He introduced me to his mom as his boyfriend. She wasn't even shocked. She just told me that we should take care of each other. And to come and visit them during the break." Sungmin laughed at the memory of warm acceptance. "That is when I realized where his conviction came from. His parents trusted him. His mom knew his heart and understood it. She was willing to let him live far away from home and find himself. She accepted his choices so he was not afraid to love me..."
"Out in the open..." those words destroyed them, not Tao, not their break up. It was the choices they made that led to this. To them being no longer an us.
"Could you ever forgive me for being a coward?" He had to ask. He was hoping he would. But that was just too much to ask.
"No, I would never forgive you for that. Because it made me break your heart and leave you." there he was the evil maknae, smiling at him with the truth from his lips as always. "But I don't think you would even forgive me for leaving you and being a fool to think you would never fall in love with anyone else."
"I have, actually." Sungmin quickly said.
"You say that because you have found happiness." Kyu laughed, hallow and somewhat bitter.
"Would you...find happiness, I mean..." He was afraid that Kyu would never do. And the guilt would be too much for him to bear.
"I am a lot braver than you. So I think I will. But..."Kyu caressed Sungmin's cheeks. "You are a tough act to follow."
"So are you." they both looked up when they heard someone speak behind them. Tao stood there, hands in his jean pockets. He was not smiling but his eyes bore no anger or jealousy.
"Party-pooper. I was about to kiss your boyfriend." Kyu joked. Sungmin jolted away making Kyu laugh loudly.
Tao sat behind Sungmin and this time he smiled. "It would have to be a goodbye kiss then. And the very last. I won't allow you anything more after that."
Kyu kissed Sungmin's hand and smiled as he stood up. "Keep your promise. Because I would...no...SUJU would kill you if you make Sungmin cry."
"Only in happiness." Tao reached out a hand and Kyu shook it firmly. "Welcome back to Korea."
Kyu turned to walk away. "I think I would be going back to New York sooner than I expected. Too bad I am doing it alone."
"Isn't Heechul coming with you?" Tao asked.
"No, he's decided to be brave too. So he is staying here and making sure your singing partner doesn't get away a second time." Kyu winked at them. Sungmin understood.
"Break a leg then." Tao wished him well.
"Likewise." Kyu went back inside.
Sungmin faced Tao, then kissed him softly for all that he was and all that he has given him.
"Was that a Thank you for not punching Kyu's face kiss?" Tao teased him.
"No. It's a Thank you for making me brave kiss." Sungmin kissed him again. "That was an I love you kiss." he teased him back.
"You are doing it wrong, ssam." Tao kissed him, deeply...passionately. "That...is an I love you kiss."
"I would have to take more lessons until I get it right."
"Let me teach you again."
Camera flashes and heckling made them look up. It was EXO and SUJU calling them out. Tao helped him up and he was surprised when Tao carried him in his arms. More heckling and gagging sounds made it to Sungmin's ears.
But this time, he didn't mind. He didn't care if his love was posted on bulletins and news feeds. He was braver now.
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