SHOCK was an understatement. Kyuhyun had not expected what Sungmin said. He stared at the monitor and Heechul stood up cursing up a storm. Catatonic in the news that broke his heart, Kyuhyun could not even ask the question out loud. Is it really too late for us?
He was about to close the laptop just before he heard the first choking sob come out. He ran out of his bedroom to go to the bathroom because he knew Heechul wouldn't have wanted to log out. He just didn't want anyone to see him crying.
He'd given up his spot for the musical. He didn't want to stay and his understudy was going to take his place. He was going to go back to South Korea to be with Sungmin or at the very least take him to America so they don't have to be apart. He'd found a way for that to be something Sungmin would not be afraid of. He was going to take care of where they'd be staying and all that Sungmin needed to worry about was what he would be doing in America when he arrives. They were going to get married here once they were able to settle in. Or go to Canada and get married there or Holland or wherever then come and live together in New York, him performing and teaching music and Sungmin doing pretty much the same. They'd start off using their own space and perhaps, later on, have their own small academy.
But dreams, his dreams at least were way too advanced for his own good. At least he was consistent. Sungmin didn't want to move on from the life that he already had, secure in the academe and dating a freshman. It was like he was starting over and with that act of repeating the past, he was trying to erase what they had and replace him with that new freshman he was with.
The tears were falling but he could not cry out. He was sobbing softly but painfully. He was trying to let it out but it just wouldn't let him. He pressed on his chest hoping that applying pressure would make the pain subside. No, it wasn't an explosion of pain. It was a gradual yet excruciating tearing of his heart. He felt the lack of breath but he could not hear himself gasping.
HEECHUL found him like that. Gasping with no sound. He grabbed Kyu by the shoulders and shook him even if he wanted to hold his friend to him. Compassion would lock him up. He needed to hear his friend scream or he might lose his voice forever. He almost did once. Heechul was not going to let that happen. At least not to his maknae.
"Snap!Out!Of!It!" he kept saying the words loudly, individually as he kept shaking Kyu who let him. Then when it seemed like Kyu was going to collapse from what he was doing Heechul heard a croak then a sob then a blood-curling scream.
"Noooooooooooooo!" Kyu was trying to say more but all he could say was that one syllable of painful denial. "No no no no. No. No no. No no no no no. No-oh-no...no..." his tone was that of someone saying This isn't happening. Take it back. It's not true.
Only then did Heechul embrace his brother. "We'll get him back. I promise."
TAO held Sungmin to him after the latter settled next to him. Tao made him sit on his lap and Sungmin cried softly in his arms. The rest of SUJU was looking at them like they were trying their best not to explode in questions. So he decided it would be better if he just told them what the real deal was.
"We went out on a date last night and I stayed here with him. I don't care if he's older than me and that I am a student here. I'll take responsibility for it if anything happens. But I can assure you that even when all is said and done, I am not going to leave Sungmin just because it's more convenient for me to be in love with a man in another place, in another culture. I am not that kind of a fool." He felt Sungmin stiffen in the beginning but softened and molded into his embrace when he mentioned the part about never leaving him.
"You don't understand what you are getting yourself into, ZiTao. Sungmin is not just a regular person." Donghae sounded exasperated. "He's the heir to an empire, a business empire."
Sungmin faced the monitor and called out, "Stop! Don't!"
Donghae did but Eunhyuk wasn't going to stop. "Do you think this would work out any differently? We figured you out. You didn't want to date Kyuhyun in public not because of the scandal that it would cause that could get him expelled and you fired. You were scared that your father would hurt your lover. Because it's happened before. Because Kyuhyun was not the first one you loved so much you wanted to risk it all..."
Tao looked at Sungmin. "What are they talking about?" he understood that he came after Kyuhyun but that didn't mean that he had no right to know about the one who supposedly came before that one.
"It's not as bad as they make it sound..." Sungmin began.
"Because it's even worse." Donghae interrupted.
"Shut up. Both of you." Jungsu spoke out. "Go ahead. It's time." Tao recognized the leader in that one. He let Sungmin settle into the story without breaking any physical contact.
"I loved him. We were in middle school. Boys our age didn't even know what gay is. We just loved being together. We grew up together and shared all of our secrets. Except for the real secret we kept from each other. That we loved each other more than brothers or friends or what was considered correct in our circles. The concept felt unnatural for our traditional parents and he was even made to go to a different school just so we wouldn't spend so much time together. There he could be with those who lived with the secret with just a little bit more freedom. He learned that love such as ours wasn't wrong. And he told me to run away from home and go with him. My father owned a vast business and had wanted his eldest son to run it. But I was not eager to learn. My younger brother, God save him, stepped in to save me. He said that he would take over in my stead. My father was relieved that there was one of us who was interested in what he had built. I was relieved that I was not the only child, the only son. But as his eldest, I still held a lot of responsibilities. And one of those was to make sure my brother would have heirs in case he was not going to get married. My little brother was too serious and spent his time studying and then, later on, working. My father was worried that both of us seemed not interested in girls. And he had asked us why. My brother said he'd get married and have children once he was a vice-president. I couldn't give any reason apart from the fact that I was sick to my stomach with the notion of kissing a girl. I had kissed before but never girls and never had the inclination to. So I told my father the truth since that was how we were raised, to tell our parents what we really wanted to say. Secrets were fine up until the moment when we were asked for the answers to their questions." Sungmin had only told Jungsu this story, of how the heir of the Lee Empire was thrown out of the family and almost disowned.
"My father was disgusted with my answer. My brother was afraid for my life. All this time, he knew that I was in love with my best friend. My mother couldn't help me because she didn't understand my needs either. They both loved me so much, and that was the only reason why I wasn't disowned, not completely. My father wanted to take me to a doctor. To cure my imbalance, as he called it. My mother had an even worse idea. She wanted to send me to bible camp, you know those kinds where the kids who are like me, considered confused regarding their preference are taken to be corrected, prayed over, and some even tortured to straighten up their preference and forget what they are naturally inclined to feel. My brother was required to sign a document that would have him marry the daughter of my father's best business partner. I was made to sign a document that in the event that my personality defect was made public knowledge, I would be legally disowned and the person who I am with will be punished accordingly. I would be without my family and the vast inheritance I am to gain and my father, in not so many words threatened to have whomever I am with killed in front of me."
Tao heard the steel in Sungmin's voice. "I didn't believe it. So reckless was I that I didn't believe my father would do it. So I packed my bag and took out my passport. I got on a flight to London and had followed to the boarding school where Joong was in. I didn't find him there. He was taken from his room by a group of bullies, or so they had said, and he was found bloodied up and beaten in an abandoned lot near the school. They'd stripped him and hurt him and left him half-dead. I was not even allowed to take care of him. My mother found me at the hospital, she'd known I would go there. She had allowed me to go and see him. She had begged my father to let me study away from home if it meant that I could find some happiness." Sungmin was crying as he spoke.
"Then my father came. He said This is what happens to the likes of you when you are so vulgar to show what you are. People are cruel to those who stand out from the crowd. I will not have you hurt like this. He tore the document I signed and had cried as he begged me to keep whatever I felt hidden not just for his company and our family but for my own safety." Tao knew that it was the trauma that made Sungmin think that what his father said was for him.
The rest of them, even EunHae knew it. Tao could read it in their faces. They knew Sungmin was speaking, just like the young man who saw his beloved beaten up because of who he was. "So what happens to you and me?" he had to ask.
Sungmin looked at him and smiled. "You. You made me braver." Tao could not contain the overwhelming feeling of love in him. He held Sungmin to him and kissed him, damn the audience.
"So this is why you like me because I won't get beaten up easily?" Tao tried to tease him. He heard Kangin actually let go of a raspy chuckle.
"Sungmin-ah~, I think you got a keeper." Eunhyuk was caressing Donghae's hair.
Tao faced his friends and smiled. "Not even Heechul can keep us apart."
That made everyone laugh out loud.
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A/N: I know some people who had some really bad experiences because they were gay. I also know who are still in the closet for various reasons. But I celebrate my friends and relatives who are out in the open and loving it. I pray for them always. Because being gay is not a stigma. It is just who we are. Like there are people who are narrow-minded or liberal. That's who they are. And I don't care much for changing people now. We are always who we are, we just dial it down or pump it up depending on the company present. Right? Oh well. To all you who experienced abuse because of who you are, good on ya. Make that experience the catalyst for you to be brave in facing the world. Yeah? Ok. I went too deep here. hohoho. NEXT CHAPTER!
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