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所謂的耀眼,其實是某種形式的遙不可及。11Please respect copyright.PENANAHAJhlZ4Cvy
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“這次的任務,我會努力的。我一定會依照約定,給小黑子一個幸福無虞的未來。”翩翩落下粉色的花瓣為始業式捎來春季特有的蓬勃,漫天櫻花與蔚藍背景的天幕下,金髮青年笑得燦爛。11Please respect copyright.PENANAEVPBUfmS7V
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“黃瀨君…”11Please respect copyright.PENANAyLILuyzNDb
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“啊,都這個時間了呢!那麼小黑子,我們實驗室見囉!”11Please respect copyright.PENANAjfMsNOKZTk
11Please respect copyright.PENANAWn8dqDyZbf
藏起的猶豫未能被對方察覺,欲言又止出現片刻又消逝,在黑子哲也鮮少變化的平靜前顯得微不足道。輕嘆留給了總遲了步到來的懊惱,除了自己,沒有人聽到。11Please respect copyright.PENANAh4sISRmKjf
11Please respect copyright.PENANA5P2LeBKFEj
擁有微弱的存在感是種好事吧。有時他會這麼想,至少在淡泊瓦解的短暫片刻,這不想被察覺的脆弱會被淹沒在人群中。他可以保有不被過問的自由。11Please respect copyright.PENANAVCtJrwxHVq
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“吶吶,快看呀!是赤司征十郎教授耶!”11Please respect copyright.PENANA1EdaXokjv6
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“是那個知名學者赤司弘彥的獨生子吧,我知道他!這還是第一次看到本人呢,果然很帥啊!”11Please respect copyright.PENANAcNoLYtz6KL
11Please respect copyright.PENANAwOzB7L4cUV
幾個院生的身影伴著低語掠過耳畔,而後是在腦袋運轉前便跟著轉向了的視線,水藍眸子微愣,映上了不遠處赤髮男人停下腳步而投來的注視。目光初次交會時的遺憾仍深存於心底,即便男人僅佇立在幾步之遙的眼前,他仍產生了種兩人距離邈若山河的錯覺。11Please respect copyright.PENANAfHRDAXcK9n
11Please respect copyright.PENANApvlreKHdgL
耳邊響起的不再是身旁院生因赤司投來的目光而雀躍不已的聲音,而是闖進他的個人空間,為不曾相識的兩人搭起聯繫的輕語。11Please respect copyright.PENANAKar4qpi3wB
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“你叫什麼名字?”11Please respect copyright.PENANArSKuBrkSSp
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渴望平凡也甘於平凡,所以黑子從不曾察覺到,原來習慣了平凡的自己,也能在別人的眼裡成為“特別”的存在。他,也能在對等付出的情況下,成為誰人眼中的“特別”與“唯一”嗎?11Please respect copyright.PENANAWqqUIYrrvm
11Please respect copyright.PENANAY0jyeBL8EY
這不一樣的感情,是憧憬抑或是崇拜?他沒能理解,但他想好好珍惜,這樣總為了一個突來的念頭而讓內心變得溫暖的自己。11Please respect copyright.PENANAOSI8xYmBgl
11Please respect copyright.PENANA1Fi1W7GQQe
“想念是罌粟,是種會奪去我們狼族生命的劇毒,豐富的感情是阻止我們邁向強大的絆腳石,這些你都懂的吧,哲。”男人的話猶言在耳,站在門外的黑子搖搖頭,揮去了與幻夢背道而馳的真實。11Please respect copyright.PENANAJwCKotageP
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“哲也,怎麼了嗎?”11Please respect copyright.PENANAzCCs2RG3Nn
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“啊,我正好忘了東西…赤司君要回去了嗎?那可以一起走嗎?”11Please respect copyright.PENANAUkK9xzd9ww
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想念是罌粟,他早已身中此毒。11Please respect copyright.PENANAtYyFVDFpvd
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什麼是毒?那便是你明知會萬劫不復仍想伸手擁抱的幸福。11Please respect copyright.PENANAn35F2vty4M
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黑子在發抖。11Please respect copyright.PENANAyxhEoD1lg1
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他怎麼也忘不了,男人終勾起嘴角時,也勾起的哀傷。那濃烈的足以扼殺他所有平靜的哀傷,正隨著彼此緊貼的肌膚傳來,化成了止不住的顫抖,爬遍全身,竄向四肢,流至被緊緊擁抱的男人身上。11Please respect copyright.PENANAyRMscwuVgk
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男人的苦、男人的痛,越是藏得隱晦,揭開傷疤時所奏響的哀歌就越是悲慟。又有誰知道,赤司征十郎表面的冷漠所陳述的,是句句違背真心的言不由衷。11Please respect copyright.PENANAqAWx0Za7aC
11Please respect copyright.PENANAtIU4bmyDLS
透過擁抱所感受到的絲絲脈動,都在訴說著其不曾為誰透露的初衷─總告訴自己,我是人類。想正視自己的真實欲求,可永遠避不開內心深處蠢動的野獸,它撕咬著我渴望平凡的美夢。沒有人知道,完美軀殼下那般醜陋的我,早已病入膏肓,無藥可救。11Please respect copyright.PENANAL0P8FcNCVf
11Please respect copyright.PENANAzphA9HHPYR
淚腺乾涸了,便不會再因任何悲痛而傷心淚流。笑容凝結了,便不會再因害怕失去而勞神煩憂。如果能被依賴、如果能夠依賴,離不開孤獨的赤司征十郎比誰都還要渴望愛,渴望著愛啊,但卻更加地──害怕去愛。11Please respect copyright.PENANArez4HfCOES
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“我不是神,但我想拯救。我是怪物,不願遭命運擺弄…”至今他仍相信靈魂會相互呼應,那麼,赤司渴望被發現的無聲求救,不也回應了他俯身吻了男人時落下的訴求?11Please respect copyright.PENANAMDQa8GOVnH
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“…呢…”11Please respect copyright.PENANAIWQmRsrPoH
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“……”赤紅瞳仁縮了縮,赤司抬起了手,在他的頭髮上來回輕撫著。他知道的,專注的等待一向是男人不多加追問的體貼溫柔。11Please respect copyright.PENANAGAXuh3pcf0
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“軟弱,又有什麼關係呢…依賴,又有什麼關係呢?”深吸一口氣,黑子緩緩說道,抑制不了的顫抖令出口的言語帶著輕顫,“無論如何,那都是真實的赤司君…不是嗎?你不需要再逃避了,就算看不見,只在彼此相擁的懷抱裡軟弱,我也不會再讓赤司君一個人默默承受所有。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAtd4VgOH5LV
11Please respect copyright.PENANA4LPTzPVc9E
澄澈的雙眼透露的是無可取代的堅定,赤司看著這樣的他,好半晌都說不出話來。11Please respect copyright.PENANAkig0nR7xsF
11Please respect copyright.PENANA8fIaE88BpI
“你一直都在獨自奮戰,甚至為了抵抗另一個自己而不惜封閉內心。拒絕讓他人走入內心是個痛苦的決定,可那是為了保護自己、也是保護別人,你從來就不曾想過傷害他人…這樣的赤司君,怎麼會是怪物?”11Please respect copyright.PENANA5WQ6W1gLGF
11Please respect copyright.PENANAY10klq4uAD
那垂下的暗色眼眸,似乎因為黑子的話而閃現了點點星光,雖微弱如螢,卻強而有力的驅散了紮根的迷惘。11Please respect copyright.PENANAOVGgCktPt3
11Please respect copyright.PENANAoQpfXPeyRX
“你是赤司征十郎,是讓我明白‘特別’意義的溫暖存在,絕不是什麼‘怪物’…”捧住了赤司的雙頰,他選擇正視的東西,不只是眼前這個人的真心,也是自己怯於面對的感情,“所以…請別再用‘怪物’這兩個字來傷害自己了。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAWPzeIvol0X
11Please respect copyright.PENANAYFtr6FTtJd
怔愣過後是自唇角綻放的微笑,就像終熬過了嚴冬與融雪所迎來的春櫻,越是歷經徹骨冰寒,越能體會其綻放的彌足珍貴。11Please respect copyright.PENANAhW9DSxfJx7
11Please respect copyright.PENANABvFxYXbADI
什麼能融化寒冬的冰雪?是如暖流竄向眼眶的肺腑之言。親手塵封的情感再次被喚醒,睽違已久的濕熱無聲無息地劃過臉頰,那早沉澱在遙久時光裡的悲喜,不能抑制地化作晶瑩淚珠,點滴落進黑子的手心。11Please respect copyright.PENANAE24gnFemSR
11Please respect copyright.PENANAWZ913LFfyA
“…謝謝你…”輕靠在肩頭的泣顏看不真切,可飄進耳裡的呢喃早已包括了萬語千言。11Please respect copyright.PENANAfUaPZ5xIgL
11Please respect copyright.PENANA9nlMtmiD2F
相擁的片刻寧靜裡,黑子彷彿看見了那因簡單的喜悅而微笑、或因單純的悲傷而哭泣的小小身影,他想,這次那個孩子絕不會再獨自細數孤寂。即便他從沒能參與赤司征十郎的過去。11Please respect copyright.PENANAgm0d67tMGs
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我不是神,但我仍想拯救。我是怪物,永不願遭命運擺弄。但無論我是什麼,我只盼望能緊牽眼前人的手,除此之外,不再奢求。11Please respect copyright.PENANAnpzK59XKXs
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“很美的一張照片呢。”11Please respect copyright.PENANARmo0euLrbk
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枕在臂彎上的黑子動了動身子,赤司循其視線望去,桌邊立起的相框中,長髮女人的微笑帶著不變的溫煦,僅是這樣看著,便能令人回想起許多光陰逝去也不曾磨滅的回憶。11Please respect copyright.PENANA9zFSpzQYli
11Please respect copyright.PENANAymT8ifwXn9
“那是我的母親留下的遺物,臨終前,她將那張照片連同相框一起給了我。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAaJqVhAs4Ki
11Please respect copyright.PENANAQHeXlKGWj0
木質相框的外層不敵歲月侵蝕,已逐漸斑駁脫落,可上頭卻一塵不染,從物品的保存狀況看來,能看出主人盡力維持物品完好的細心及用心。11Please respect copyright.PENANAtvsTS8cQbM
11Please respect copyright.PENANAEUY4kW9s4o
“那笑容,跟赤司君好像呢。”思及此,黑子也笑了,指尖輕撫上近在眼前的臉龐,“就像是…能讓周圍的人心也跟著變暖的溫柔。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAPwnHjGqIe0
11Please respect copyright.PENANA2kfzXXBmtR
“她是我這世界上唯一敬愛的人,當我失去她時,我曾認為自己也失去了全世界…”接觸到黑子投來的隱含擔憂的目光,赤司摸摸他柔軟的髮,又補充道,”不過已經不要緊了,因為現在有…”11Please respect copyright.PENANAbVr3AlxBys
11Please respect copyright.PENANAb83BLkCWTh
“……有?”黑子的神色專注無比,豈料赤司卻突然噤聲,不明所以的他只能睜大雙眼等著對方接下來要說出口的話。11Please respect copyright.PENANAWIf5kCqLIs
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“…沒什麼,睡吧。”沒想到下一秒赤司竟伸手將他按進懷裡。11Please respect copyright.PENANAvsgtamuCK4
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“赤司君這是害羞了嗎?”周身的空氣突然充滿了男人的氣息,從未想過窒息也會令人如此眷戀。憑藉朦朧月光,隱約能看見男人轉紅的耳廓,雖然只是被抱住前的匆匆一瞥,不過他仍為這發現感到愉悅。11Please respect copyright.PENANAcai6c4f7kq
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“…是你看錯了。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAmwqNu3tXul
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“呵呵,或許吧。”仰起頭在男人唇上輕輕一吻,果不其然在那明亮的瞳眸裡看見一絲訝異及自己惡作劇般的笑意,“晚安,赤司君。”11Please respect copyright.PENANAjAFlyzRgTC
11Please respect copyright.PENANAEvskfbyWEJ
事實證明玩火是會自焚的,還沒來得及細細欣賞赤司征十郎難得的無措,他就被對方加倍討回來的吻弄得頭暈目眩了。11Please respect copyright.PENANAXiDdqqHqHJ
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當黑子再次醒來時,窗外的天空已是一片濛濛亮的灰白。清晨的空氣有些冷,他下意識往身旁男人的方向靠過去,但卻撲了空。睡意在同時間全數消退,然而甫下床時便聽到浴室傳來的水聲。11Please respect copyright.PENANA2o8DMJYqF0
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怎會以為赤司就這樣消失了?他不免失笑。穿起放在一旁的薄外套,黑子走到窗邊拉開窗簾,昏暗的房間頓時顯得明亮許多。拿起桌上的相框,長髮女人那與赤司征十郎相似的笑臉映入眼簾,輕易地在腦海裡勾勒出前晚與男人相擁而眠的畫面。11Please respect copyright.PENANAL1jZyepoGc
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“我會努力的,伯母。無論下一秒的未來如何變動,我唯一知道的便是…我想永遠陪在他的身邊。”對著照片許下誓言,淡淡的笑容出現在黑子唇邊。11Please respect copyright.PENANACEzCH5QZI1
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為了對方犧牲性命的覺悟,不顧一切也想待在對方身邊的心情,他現在懂了。或許從他俯身吻上赤司的那刻起,他的未來就已交給了自己最真實的心情。11Please respect copyright.PENANA6Upcl9J7M9
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他愛著赤司征十郎。11Please respect copyright.PENANAMgVfmCiSaY
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即使即將面對的是如荊棘般扎人刺骨的道路,也不會允許自己遺忘這樣珍貴的感情。11Please respect copyright.PENANA3M5wAOulLc
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“哲也,你醒了?”浴室的水聲停了,赤司的聲音從微啟的門縫傳出來。11Please respect copyright.PENANAkaTlBDpQgq
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“啊,嗯…”11Please respect copyright.PENANAFuC8an1tD7
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用才剛確認的感情即刻面對赤司的確是有些彆扭的事,一心懸在方才的“告白”是否進了對方耳裡這事上,黑子將相框歸回原位的動作難免有些不自然,他一個分心,木質相框便硬生生落了地。11Please respect copyright.PENANAocuPfo33Pe
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“糟糕…”連忙蹲下身去查看物品狀況,所幸相框及相片皆無損傷,正當黑子呼出一口氣欲起身時,一張自相框夾層飄出的紙吸引了他的注意。“信?”11Please respect copyright.PENANAWOy9K5o4Co
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並未多加細想,黑子下意識就打開了整齊摺疊的信紙。11Please respect copyright.PENANAcdcpOLRZdU
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“…欸?”純白信紙上烏黑娟秀的字體直衝眼底,短短數秒的空白帶走了黑子的呼吸,僅剩的言語顯得蒼白無力,他抬起顫抖的右手,輕摀住因訝異而微張的嘴,不讓自己驚呼出聲。11Please respect copyright.PENANAuvpB02OrEQ
11Please respect copyright.PENANAkOxKBlxErC
“哲也,怎麼了?你在看什麼…”太過震驚的他對赤司的靠近渾然未覺,待他回過神來時,那信紙已被赤司拿在手上閱讀。11Please respect copyright.PENANAVh51PT35ib
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“啊…赤司君,那是…”11Please respect copyright.PENANAYULX1B7OId
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“這……是什麼?”11Please respect copyright.PENANAdPy10MVSRW
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這才連忙伸出的手來不及阻止赤司閱讀那封信,更阻止不了其臉上出現的驚愕。這不是預感,而是連自己都能看見的未來─他盼望守候的人事物都將從此刻開始,一一崩解。11Please respect copyright.PENANAjQsVZUo9hc
11Please respect copyright.PENANASfha1aPS95
“…騙人…”赤司漸轉沙啞的嗓音迴盪於耳邊,他甚至沒了抬眼直視赤司的勇氣。可他終究還是選擇了面對那道錯愕至極的身影,因為那也是自己必須正視的絕望。11Please respect copyright.PENANAr6rgz41sF1
11Please respect copyright.PENANAiNrxwyNZGc
“赤司君…”該說是直覺嗎?他覺得此刻的自己若不開口呼喚,就會從此失去赤司征十郎的靈魂,但響起的手機鈴聲不給他這個機會,冷酷地拉開了兩人的距離。11Please respect copyright.PENANAqR2iWGduQF
11Please respect copyright.PENANAYwKynPhnK6
“五月,妳有什麼事,我現在…”赤司接通了手機,看得出來臉上還帶著思緒繁亂的不耐。11Please respect copyright.PENANAvM7NskwJK2
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話筒的另一端,桃井止不住的喘息打斷了赤司的話,“小赤,不、不好了!醫院打電話來,你父親剛才吐血昏倒了!”11Please respect copyright.PENANA5xo9NAs8Hw
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