The bedroom was white with pink curtains and a carpet. There was a dollhouse and box full of toys. There was a painting easel. There was no TV or computer. There was not even a PlayStation! The walls were covered with pictures from Disney princesses. To top it off, there must have been 20 teddy bears on the bed. This was a girls room. I looked at Tammy asking what this was all about. She acted as nothing was wrong. I figured she did not have time to change it.
I spent the day moving in. I moved my TV and PlayStation in and figured I had plenty of time to unpack the rest. I did not want to go out to Tammy. It seemed like she should be the enemy as she took me from my mom and Dad. How could that judge give me to someone that I did not even know?
She called me out for dinner. I admit that she was a great cook. It was like some fancy restaurant food. Tammy sat down and seemed as quiet as me. It must have been hard for her to have a strange boy like me sitting next to her. The difference was that it was her that wanted to take me away from my family.
"It's just the two of us now." She said, " I know this must be confusing to be taken away from the only family that you knew. My beloved husband and son were taken from me. I think that the judge thought it was best that you lived with me. This means we need to get to know each other. We need to have a fresh start. In time, you will understand that I am your mother."
I looked at her and my head was full of thoughts. If I accepted her as my mother, then would I be betraying the woman that was my mother all my life? If Tammy wanted a fresh start then why did she not have time to change the bedroom to a boys bedroom. She finished her welcome speech by telling me that she only had one rule, and that was to do what she said. Somehow, I considered this a warning.
I could get used to that I had a new mother, although I decided that I would never call her mother. It was strange that we were only two people. I missed my Dad. The house had many pictures of her dead husband and the son that I replaced. I wonder did losing two people that she loved make her crazy enough that she thought it was ok to tear me apart from my family. Maybe she was just selfish.
I slept in the princess room and cried myself to sleep. Tammy did not even read me a goodnight story. Mom always read a story to me. This was the highlight of every day. It was where I felt especially loved and wanted.
The next day, I went to my new school. This was a major change in my life. It was a private school. The other children were nice enough. I knew that they knew I was the boy that I was switched. They seemed afraid to speak with me as they most likely did not know what to say.
There was one boy who did. His name was Tom. He asked me what it was like being with Tammy. I honestly did not know what to say. I did not want him to think that I was a moaner and a negative person. So I just answered that it was a big change. Then he asked if I was the same as the dead boy? Was I a sissy? I think I got red in the face and told him that I am proud to be a boy and would never be a sissy. This made Tom laugh and admit that when Chrissy came to the school that he was often bullied. Tom smiled and told me that he was glad and this meant that we could be friends. Despite I thought this was strange, I was happy as I had a new friend that would make things easier.
When I came home Tammy has some cookies for me. She baked that day. Once again, I realized that she knew how to cook. I also did my best to try and speak with her. I told her that I met a new friend at school and that everyone was kind. She just smiled and nodded. I kept on talking but after a while, I stopped as it is hard having a one-way conversation. I was just as unsure if she was listening or not, so I just ate the cookies.
She then stood up suddenly and told me that it was time to take a bath. I agreed and went to the bath and waited that Tammy was still standing there. She said that she was waiting as she always helped Chrissy with his bath. I felt an anxiety attack and shouted that I can take my bath. We both stood our ground. I knew I was right to stand up to Tammy. I did not care that she helped Chrissy to take a bath. For me, taking a bath was very private and I was old enough to do it myself. Tammy ended up smiling and saying she could respect my wish for privacy. A compromise was that she would fill the bath
So I spent half an hour in a bath with scented water and bubbles. I never tried a bubble bath before, so this was new. I thought it was fun and so relaxing. When I was finished with the bath, I did not think that I smelled like a bed of roses.
I got a shock when I entered my room. Everything I owned was not there. My PlayStation was gone and all my clothes were gone. Tammy could see the shock on my face and reminded me that we agreed that we would have a fresh start, so she removed everything that could remind me of my family and make me miss them. I tried telling her that these things were important for me and made me happy. Tammy would not listen, she told me that I could use Chrissy's clothes and his toys.
Then she left me alone to ponder. I sat on the bed with a towel around my waist. I noticed that she forgot to take a picture of mom and dad that was on my table. I could not even speak with them as Tammy took my cell phone. I cried for a long time asking myself what did I do to deserve this?
I looked at the clothes that Chrissy had. Dresses, skirts, blouses, leotards.... pink clothes... clothes with Disney princesses and girl motives. I was so confused as to why a boy even would wear these. I found little mermaid panties and a purple tracksuit. It had a glitter princess crown on it, but it was the most boyish thing I could find. When I looked in the mirror again, I started crying. I looked like Chrissy. I no longer looked like a boy.
I looked around at the toys. There was no way I was to play with dolls and teddies. I found some paints and only used the colours black and blue to paint a masterpiece. It was a painting of a boy sitting alone in a puddle of tears surrounded by black. I knew the boy was me and it could be a way to show Tammy how I felt. She responded by saying the painting needed brighter colours.
The next day at school, I wore the same purple tracksuit to school. I noticed that people were strangely looking at me. I got an answer when Tom asked me was I sure that I was not transgender, as I looked like a girl today. I explained everything that happened. This made Tom mad as he said that it was child abuse. He continued by telling me that she wanted to replace her dead son with me. Tom stressed that I had to stand up to Tammy as she was trying to make me a girl. My life would be hell if others thought that I was a sissy. Chrissy was teased because he was transgendered. He could not accept that he had a boys body and was meant to be
it was not just Tom that advised me. The teacher asked me if I wanted to speak with her.
"I know you have gone through a lot," she said as the whole class listened, "You will get many new friends from your classmates here and support. I will also support you and changed this chaos into something positive. I do like the outfit you are wearing, my niece has the same outfit"
This made the whole class snicker as I wanted to hide.
After school, Tom invited me to play football with the other boys. I of course said that I would and spent the next hour doing something that I loved. The other boys quickly forgot that I was wearing a girls tracksuit. They seemed to be amazed that I could play the game. The good thing was that I did not think about the troubles and how much I missed my parents. I was now only concentrating on the game and doing the best I could. It was nice that I could smile and laugh, as I could not remember the last time that I have done this.
The game was stopped when Tammy appeared and took my hand taking me from the game. I do not know what she was saying. I just could see the other boys were in shock as she treated me like a toddler. I could see that they were whispering to each other. I on the other hand was embarrassed and mad. I felt that the other boys were accepting me as one of them. I would bet that they would think I was strange now. It was worse when I looked at Tom. I could see he felt sorry for me. I also remembered what he told me. I had to stand up to Tammy.
That was hard to do. As soon as we came home, she starting yelling at me.
"Why did you not come straight home?" She asked, " Did you not know that I would be worried about you? You could have been in some accident. A car could have driven over you and you would be dead! Besides all that, why were you playing that dreadful game? Football makes you dirty and it can hurt you. Chrissy never played that game! I do not want you to play it."
Tammy went on and on until I could no longer listen to how good and holy Chrissy was. I shouted at her that I was not Chrissy!
Later when Tammy was cooking, I snuck out and found where she hid my cellphone. I went back to my room and rang to mom.
"Mom" I wept, "Come and get me. I can't live with this woman!"
to be continued
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