At breakfast, I was doing my act of pleasing Tammy by looking happy and doing as she said. This had worked for the time that I have been living here, although it meant that I was now looking like a girl and living as a girl. I had no friends and everyone thought that I was a sissy. This breakfast would be no different... at least that's what I thought.
Tammy told me that the tablets I was taken were not enough. She had ordered a time with a doctor that will give me a puberty blocker. I had no clue what a puberty blocker was so I innocently asked what it was. Tammy replied that it was a shot that transgenders got to stop puberty. In other words, it would stop the boy hormones from changing my body to a man, so with help of girl hormones, it would look more like a woman. I think I went pale from listening to this and did not reply.
I put Martin, my doll in a bag and the bottle of tablets I got every day. I looked at a picture of Chrissy. There is a time in everyone's life where you must stand up for yourself and say it is now me that will decide. This is especially when someone wants to change my body and has not even asked if I wished to do it. This woman may have been my birth mother, but I now doubted that she loved me. She would not try to change me as much as she tried to.
I was wearing a denim dress and tights. If I went to school, I would have been teased. However, I did not go to school. I started walking and walking. I was going to the one place where I was loved. It was a shame that I did not have my bike, as I nearly had to walk from one end of the city to the other. I had an anxiety attack every time I saw a red car, thinking it was Tammy. I was also on the lookout for any police car that wanted to take me back to that woman.
The trip across town took me hours, and I was exhausted when I finally arrived at my old house. Mom opened the door was shocked to see me. She had so many questions. Why was I there? Did I run away? Then she asked why on earth was I wearing a dress? I had to ask mom to let me in, so I could explain everything.
Dad was drinking tea and I had to laugh when he asked why the hell was I wearing a dress? Mom made some warm chocolate and I told them everything that happened at Tammy's house. I told them that she now wanted a doctor to stop puberty. I broke down to tears and begged my parents not to send me back.
Mom hugged me and suggested I go to my old bedroom. There were still some of my clothes there. I could once again dress as I wanted. I could be a boy and not look like a girl. I went to my bedroom and found old jeans and a t-shirt and boxer shorts. I let my hair hang down and looked in the mirror. I wanted to smile, as the boy I used to be was back. However, I could not smile, as I was worried about what would happen to me. I was also confused why it felt so wrong dressing as a boy again.
When I came down the stairs, I heard Dad speak on the phone,
"Jonas is here," he was saying in a mad voice, "He will also be staying here... I have already contacted the police, How can you force a boy to be a girl?.... Happy? If Jonas was happy, he would not come here in tears. I do not understand how you can force a boy to wear girls clothes and live as a girl. I bet he did not even know the tablets you were giving him was not estrogen hormones... Listen if you have anything to say, then you tell your lawyer to contact our lawyer"
I entered the room and sat on the sofa. I did not like that my Dad argued with Tammy. I did not like that they kept asking me questions about what it was like living with her. I just hugged Martin thinking we both escaped and were safe. I did not want to go back. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were.
A woman from Child Welfare visited us. Mom told me that she knew that I did not want to talk about living with Tammy, but this woman had to know. So once again I told her what life was like with Tammy and why I ran away. She wrote down a lot of notes and asked questions like did she starve me or hit me as well. I think she was disappointed when I said that Tammy was a good cook.
Then the social worker looked at my doll and asked why I was holding a doll. I explained that the doll was a boy doll but turned into a girl doll. Martin (the doll) was my friend and helped me when I needed someone to talk to. Now Martin was safe with me. The social worker wrote more notes and told me that Martin was still wearing a dress. She asked me if I thought I was transgendered. I whispered that I was a boy. I did not tell her that it felt wrong to wear boy clothes again.
Mom told me that I should go to my bedroom and let the adults talk. In a way, I was happy as I was tired of talking about my life with Tammy. I sat on my bed and wondered what I would do if I was sent back to her.
Mom came in later and sat beside me. She brushed her hair and explained that an agreement was made. She told me that I would not be returning to Tammy and I would live here, just as I always have done. For the first time in a long time, I had a genuine smile on my face and told mom that I was so happy. Mom smiled and said that it is not over yet. At least we were together again.
The next day, I was watching the local news when a reporter talked about Tammy. She was arrested for child abuse. It was not just on TV, it was in the newspapers. Over the next few days my story on being forced to dress as a girl and live as one would be discussed in the media. Even the talk shows were discussing it. It would be the second time in my life that I was in the media. They were saying that what Tammy has done was child abuse, but despite they did not use my name, I felt like the media was adding to it. Despite mom and dad tried to distract me from the media, I could not escape it all.
Even at school, I was asked so many questions. There was one question that the media and school kept on asking. Why did I allow Tammy to treat me like a sissy? Why would I allow anyone to put a dress on me? This was a hard question to answer. I could not answer it myself. At school, they would ask if a part of me was transgender. I would say that I was not. I was a boy and had to interest in being a girl.
I started playing football again, and this helped everyone at school to stop talking about transgender things. I also cut my hair which stopped any talk about me secretly enjoying what Tammy did to me. I time the media and school stopped asking me about things and things were getting back to the way they were before. The thing was that people thought that I was brave to escape, and they thought I was the same as I was.
The fact is that I was not the same as I was. Some of my best friends could see this. Some told me they would support me in which way they could, even if this meant that I came to school as a transgender. This made me feel lucky that I had good friends.
Mom told me that a boy from the other school rang and asked me to ring back. Tom was the boy who befriended me when I moved in with Tammy and ignored me when I came dressed as a girl. I did not ring back. I know I should forgive people, but when he ignored me, he showed me what kind of person he was. I could not trust him. I did not need someone like him in my life.
Tammy's court case came and luckily I did not have to testify. She was of course found guilty and she would not have custody of me or have any right to see me. She was also told to get psychiatric help. Many were disappointed that she did not go to jail. However, the judge took pity on her because she lost so much and the big punishment was that she was not allowed to see me. This made me feel relieved. I know that what she has done to me was wrong. However, I still cared about her and it was a bit sad I would never see her again.
Mom and Dad said that her verdict was the end of the nightmare and life went back to normal. I could see that mom and dad just tried to live as this never had happened. I spent my days at school and playing football, and mom read stories for me at night time.
I would hold Martin (my doll) while I was at home and this was something that annoyed my parents, as it reminded them about Tammy. I also was a pain when we had to buy clothes. I wanted unisex clothes that could be worn by boys and girls. I had no problem wearing pink or long shorts that looked like a skirt. I even persuaded mom to buy me tights. I did not consider any of this weird. I did not consider it transgender. I just liked looking pretty.
It was not until I asked mom to learn how to play the piano that she asked me was I transgender. I told her that I was not and I did not want to discuss it. Still, it worried me as to why she asked me.
About 6 months after the verdict, I was in the park after playing football with my friends. I was walking home when I saw her on a bench writing something.
It was Tammy!
To be continued... the last chapter!
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