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I got out of the car and slung one of my backpack straps over my shoulder. I was trying to calm down but memories were racing through my mind in what seemed like a never-ending stream. I did my best to hide it, as we’d been driving, and I forced my voice to be calm and steady as I asked Allison where the restroom was. She gave me directions and I walked until I was out of sight. Then, I ran to where the bathroom was and closed the door, locking it behind me. I dropped my backpack on the floor and just focused on taking deep breaths.
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Maybe she didn’t realize….maybe everything will be fine...I can figure this out…
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My thoughts were not helping me calm down. I couldn’t find much optimism in this situation and my head was pounding painfully. I turned the sink on and splashed some cold water on my face then turned the water off. I almost felt like I couldn’t breathe. I sank down to the floor and rested my head between my knees until I could finally think straight. I was going to be with other people so nothing could happen. I slowly got up and dried my face with the hand towel. I looked in the mirror over the sink and made the panic and fear fade away. I was good at hiding it all so I would just have to do that.
The green eyes in the mirror stared back at my own. Only we knew that the fake sense of calm and okay was just that. Fake. My reflection knew everything. Most would think this was a lonely life but in reality, it was safe. All I wanted was to feel safe and I didn’t care what the cost was. I’d come this far and I wasn’t going to have it be screwed up now. However the words and all that had happened still haunted me. The girl in the mirror had the same haunted look behind her eyes that I did. She had the same faint scars that only an observant eye could see.
I wasn’t going to go through that again. The determination shone in my eyes. I didn’t want to face her again but she didn’t seem to recognize me. If I could pretend like I had been doing for years, then I could keep it that way. However, deep down I knew that whatever I told myself now would fade away the moment I saw that woman again. With a sigh, I turned from the mirror and picked up my backpack. I unlocked the bathroom door and walked out into the hall.
The tall, blonde woman that Laura and Allison called, ‘Aunt Kate’ was walking by. She smiled,
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“Hi! I’m sorry this is so random, but have I met you before?”
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I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. My hand clenched into a fist for a moment, before I forced myself to relax. I had to act normal. I turned around and started to walk away slowly. She continued to talk:
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“Okay so here's the thing. I was trained at age nine to read people. Observe their actions. You can learn more about someone based on what they do, rather than what they say. So nice try kiddo.”
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I sucked in a breath and turned back around to face her. “I don’t know what it is with you people, but I haven’t seen you before. I don’t care what you were trained to do.” I replied, my voice only wavering slightly. In truth, I did care what she was trained to do. I knew more than I should have about the family that lived in this house.
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“If I find-” Kate started but then stopped as Allison walked into the hallway.
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“Is there a problem?” Allison asked
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“No, I was just trying to figure out where you and Laura were so we can start on this project.” I replied, not looking away from Kate. I was afraid but I hid it very well.
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“Well, they haven’t arrived yet, so you can come outside with me while we wait out front for everyone,” Allison stated.
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I nodded and walked briskly past Kate and followed Allison back out to the front. When they got out there, a car was pulling up. I could see Jackson and Lydia through the windshield. Allison rushed forward to greet them when they got out of the car, and I just leaned back against the wall of the house with my backpack at my feet. I smirked when I saw the red dot was still shining on the center of his forehead.
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I saw Laura putting her phone in her pocket, and walk over to me. I assume she was done with the call.
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“Oh my god, are you ok? It looked like you were having an anxiety attack in the car, like, you were about to pass out. I’m sorry. I know my aunt can be scary. Heck, she even scares me sometimes.”
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“I’m fine. Nothing happened. I just have a headache.” I muttered in response as I watched Allison, Lydia and Jackson head inside. I was hoping she wouldn’t bring it up but I should’ve known better.
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“Ahhh, and at this point, I thought you had learned your lesson about lying.”
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“You lied too so quit being a hypocrite. You don’t know me and you probably won’t talk to me after we finish this stupid project.” I retorted. I shouldn’t have been rude to her but what I was saying was true. She had friends and I didn’t. She was only talking to me because she had to.
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“Why are you so insecure about not having friends? You keep bringing it up. I don’t have a lot of close friends. There are people I talk to, but if I was stranded in the middle of the highway while it was raining, there are only a handful of people that would actually go out of their way to help me. Maybe instead of just deflecting every single time we talk, you could just be honest so we can have a normal conversation. Maybe you would realize that having someone to talk to about things with, someone to have your back, isn't such a bad thing. You’re here complaining about not having friends when you don’t even put in the effort to try.”
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“For someone so observant, you seem to be missing the quite obvious hint. I am not insecure about having no friends. I don’t want any. I like being on my own and it’s better that way. I don’t need to talk about anything and those you can have your back one second can also stab it the next. I’m not complaining that I have no friends. I have no complaints about that. I’m trying to get it through to you that I don’t want to be your friend. Don’t take it personally. You have friends so don’t waste your time with me.” I shot back.
If she looked close enough then maybe she could tell I was afraid. There was no one I trusted except for myself. I didn’t want to risk getting hurt yet again. I never should’ve gone to the school. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I’m here. Now I can’t exactly turn back.
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“You’re sick, you know that?” she replied
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“And why is it that I’m ‘sick?’” I asked, brushing some of my hair from my face. She walked to the other side of the driveway and sat down. I sighed and just stayed where I was. I didn’t feel bad for what I said because my words had been true. I didn’t understand why she was being so nice, or why she seemed like she wanted to be my friend. It didn’t make sense to me. At all.
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