在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf8Wde3F57
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz6TD8J0Ga
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkCtfhKQ7Z
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2m1Jc18KeE
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeplGVoiVbH
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcL0hWUVwXU
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohI9O3ZjxK
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx4iBsd6Oi
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs84b0dk5iy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppQ0r19O7r
「你條裙有血！」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBKTqtNBJ8
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodccgfr646
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteH2mjmoQ3
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtjC9MQcVc
「大個女啦。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nLL7EzfwA
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaNtGYakG1
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xRdkPUArq
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqlyOo0uVm
「去廁所清理吓。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Qn3rNGjdt
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LYYwVxkEL
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdhPOXM0Rh
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP1MNvD8Xp
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZvqRVK3hk
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95Wxi4CFwv
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqBxgrYJMW
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteobX0JI8B
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjedjLTXOp3
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKFwEgHuso
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7AOSt8ANJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4y4MjGILx
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3cGZm0gWh
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfaFoxozdc
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5Ss7PfknC
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNCfrsrR9u
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JFhb0izc3
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiqyR2pdnu
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq0tbMHyKy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxvPHrY4sM
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVDfe7vXMJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGRdx6pQKX
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfG8MLrfjh
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQbYbWnfaQ
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoHYs2aiWD
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhQ6bcGtHt
只聽見他說：269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17fPoLtOBo
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtCQieiVzj
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHQdKJAjbu
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t93GTvdtp
林蓁心下一沉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAyVgIzCLR
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr55NpHcX4
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1MZ347BwO
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9YPvR6at5
她又想，會不會是他口硬？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ls8nQ5Skq
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyMqEAYff5
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMktp10ZK6E
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3FmTgHMUu
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmzybPaR7Q
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWdvWidTCS
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQS6asbIY5
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jyJJimgc1
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhMqSmMRl6
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZdOFR8SdI
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZng0DTZ2oc
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJOJ3ZZUYg
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt9GviET7u
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0fGiOLR5q
/269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd0L1iRpmP
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhookaSKhuX
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNlre8Z93A
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2jdl8pqMt
她去見了周立沖。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZKbUtf0O2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0Cbs62bhv
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpanDHiD5Vt
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHskLIyjpLG
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTWmWasDUc
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnsm4fGv0T
「無所謂。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjuGvJNdr7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGTBaappTu
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmdd0RCyIN
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQUDrseKIp
家裡沒有飯吃。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcja7g3UxOQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBS9tzZIkC1
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0gIH4UK8T
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv2ah5i21j
「你煮咩我都食。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpdzDYgBTl
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwsbhvwkRC
「傻瓜。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrbFjtksOV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHkPXJMT82
他摸摸她的頭。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYoPEK2K2v
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWhKZ9v1iR
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1BGiCRYFv
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BV0SK3wjH
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsYNxiUvgm
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqWs2GfsiV
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9BOshMZtS
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eCjjgmcIU
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G5vu3o5ct
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWXVgqgTYj
「不如食咗我先。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqK01KnsXIj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgtTynVtqA
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtYyoKShfC
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrCicJKtXS
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqNwpFiXlN
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvYd6kYe8f
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtL7bj1blx
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPOo0oqv6n
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW738Ymtixy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSgQLil2IR
不過，幸好，現在他在。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdZFCmjzvm
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumF6lMfiRv
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPIDtOzT88
