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Chapter 6~ The Inevitable
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“Jolly ol’ sailor that came from away, find me a bed where this sinner might lay.
Wrap me in brocade and dazzling rings with jasmine and turquoise and silvery things.
Jolly ol’ sailor that came from away, let us set sail for some favorable day.
Roam us towards Egypt, roam us towards Spain, roam us towards lands where the heart feels no pain.
Jolly ol’ sailor that came from away, find me a bed where this sinner might lay.”
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I had been suddenly reminded of days past as we stepped through the threshold of the local brothel. The air was sick and cloudy with smoke—so thick you had to wade through to see much of anything. There was nothing new or attractive about anything there. The run-down bar near the back was manned by a tall, tattooed native. The tables were all occupied with drunk, sleazy men playing cards and placing bets. And there were women everywhere. All kinds of women of all different origins and sizes. They hung on the arms of older men and unrolled their dirty stockings slowly enough to draw the attention of a few richer blokes. One young, dark-skinned woman stood on a platform with another woman playing the mandolin. The woman sang a song that had lured Kidd and his men in like rats to crumbs. These women were not like many I’d seen. Their faces were pretty and clean, eyes dusted lightly with shadow. But their bodies were dirty, worn, and tired. Their breasts were pushed as high and as close to their faces as possible. Their dress necks were dangerously low and their skirts were shortened or even transparent. A few girls had the glory of a few pieces of jewelry to attract the eye. But, mostly, they smiled at ugly men and laughed at dull jokes.
And I became reminded of a hazy time in my life—the few weeks of glory Constantine and I shared before the disintegration of our natural happiness. The smoke clouded my eyes from noticing the details and the smell of booze flooded my senses. Before I knew much more, Kidd had abandoned my side and snagged a table with a few white women at his side.
I was left to observe as I always was. Curiously, a woman emerged from behind a silk curtain near the platform. She was a large, wide-faced native woman past her younger years. She dressed in heavy fabrics of different shades and decorated her neck and wrists in jewelry. Immediately, I could tell this woman was not like the others—or at least not anymore. She only showed her face for a few moments, whispering something in the ear of a singing woman and disappearing back behind the curtains. After that, I decided to find the bar and have a drink. Probably, the last drink I would have for a while. I ordered rum. The last time I’d drunk was when I was aboard the Amity and I’d carry around a flask of it just in case. I was brought the honey-colored liquid and barely knew what to do when it was set before me.
Not long after, I felt a hand run across my shoulder and crawl over towards my drink. It was the woman on stage from before, the one who sang. She smiled at me.
“You look a little young to be in a place like this,” she hummed, her hand still caressing my neck. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SDsBAWeX4
I glanced at her up and down. “I could say the same for you.” 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUsE0xSOBh
There was no way this girl could’ve been older than eighteen. Her dress fell robe-like across her caramel skin and her long, dark locks fell into the large cleavage of her breasts. She smiled again but was obviously fazed. She took a quick drink of my rum and whispered closer into my ear.
“Let’s get away from here.” 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCobR7CraAH
I stood up from the bar and she took a step back. I tried to find some sort of excuse to get away. I looked over to Kidd to see if he’d passed out drunk just yet, but he was roaring alive with lust and thirst. And there seemed to be no sign of an upcoming fight. Her fingers began intertwining with mine. My head became fuzzy again.
Then, I saw it through the window. The grimy, rotting window. I saw the juniper figure. It only stayed for a second before quickly disappearing again. Instinctively, I shook off the woman and made my way through the traffic of harlots and half-bachelors. Night had fallen and the sky was aflame with bright stars and constellations I once knew the names of. And the streets were nearly barren with the exception of the beggars and drunks. Many town shops around us had closed up for the night. Except for one. The small bookstore beside the brothel. Its lights were dimming and almost haunting the streets. Just the very sight of it drew me in closer. I felt sure of it—this was where the figure had gone. In a way, I was more scared to enter this place than the house of lust I was in before. It was clear my presence wouldn’t be missed until the morning. And I couldn’t be found in a situation I was sure to regret. So, I took more steps, across the streets, up the steps, towards the door.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpm7WoVtP1m
The little bell on the inside tinkled as I entered. But, no one was there to hear its sound. The shop was quite empty of a living soul yet full of paper ones. The walls were cluttered in books—many old, some new. They were stacked and piled and shelved in all kinds of ways. They reached the ceilings and loomed so dangerously above that I felt inclined to move slowly in their presence. But what made the most impact was the smell—old paper and lavender. Amongst the aged, archaic halls came something bright and lovely. Something brand new. I reached a desk, lit only by a dying lantern, and called out for help. But, I just met cold silence. I took the lantern and ventured on on my own. The bookstore seemed only to grow as I explored. Every turn just revealed another hallway or staircase.
What kind of person leaves their business completely unattended? I asked myself.
The paths seemed endless, and I was getting nowhere. As I turned to retrace my steps to the entrance, I caught sight of a nook hidden behind a bookcase. Its shadow flickered across the floor like a signal for me to notice. I set down the lantern and followed its glow. This certainly was a secret nook. It was a corner of the wall, decorated with jars of freshly-picked lavender flowers. Half-read and nearly finished novels piled next to a scarlet armchair in the back. A small side-table homed candles and a tea tray, still warm and wafted honey into the air. Blankets and pillows adorned the chair and all spots around it. Beneath the chair sat a woven rug and a small fireplace, flames just starting to tame down to a short flicker. The chair sat next to a large window, protected by cream curtains but revealed the entrancing stars above. This was a place of comfort, of rehabilitation. Just then, the juniper figure appeared, and I backed into a darkened corner. They shuffled over to the book pile and selected a few. Then, they moved to the tea tray and poured a fresh cup. The steam blew into the figure's face, causing a simple sigh to escape. Little white fingers traced the designs on the cup before raising it to their lips. The figure unbuckled the cloak and draped it across the chair.
It was a girl, skin white and tender and body poised yet proud. She was calm in every sense, at home in a way. She had her eyes closed as she sipped and let every muscle relax. She wore a simple white and scarlet dress with, curiously, no corset. She appeared well-off and kind in mannerisms. Her hair, however, reflected the opposite. It was dark, raven-colored, and fell in waves and curls all down her back. And I began to feel like I knew this person. I had seen them once before. Only when she opened her eyes did I realize. I hadn’t seen that shade of blue in a lifetime.
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“Constantine,”
The teacup clattered to the floor as she whipped around her body and retrieved a dagger from her shoe. I hid from view as quickly as I could and held my breath. But, the noise pounding in my head was near unbearable.
“Who’s there?” she said, low and threatening. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGxe8jcS6V
I was as silent as death for what felt like years.
“Show yourself!”
“If I did,” I began, not even realizing it, “…you may not like to see me.” 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhER69Z9ik2
She grew quiet and, from what I heard, a bit restless. “Who are you?” she said, quieter now.
“Someone who's not proud of what’s become. Someone who begs forgiveness but is far from deservin’.” I could feel her breath from so far away. I could feel the heat of the fireplace against my tensed limbs. But, I figured there was no way to avoid the inevitable now.
“I have many enemies. I don’t much like avoiding the inevitable. Show your face.”
I had waited for this moment every night for over a year. And now that it was finally here, I was petrified out of belief. The weight of all I had done collapsed on top of me in one swift moment that every single breath I took felt like boulders in my lungs. I thought, at any moment, I might fall to my knees.
“Come out,” she repeated once more.
I turned the corner and let the light fall onto me and open up every bit that I’d tried to hide. She was motionless—eyes deadlocked onto mine. Nothing on earth could move her. And I hadn’t the slightest idea what she thought or felt. Nevertheless, I gathered the nerve to glance down at her hands. There was my ring—my simple, homemade engagement ring that might be mistaken for a shiny piece of beach rubbish. She wore it.
She couldn’t speak. Neither could I.
“You left.” Her face was stone. Nothing had changed.
“As did you, apparently.”
She tried to retort quickly, but hushed and watched me.
I looked down at her hand and gestured. “You’re still wearin’ my ring.”
She looked down at it, almost as if she’d forgotten it was there. “I didn’t feel right without it, I guess.”
“Constantine,” I tried to approach but she raised the dagger again.
“You came with that ship in the harbor, didn’t you? That ship full of pirates—”
“Yes, but it isn’t—”
“But, you did. And now you’re here which means you’re trusted well enough. And I was wrong about you.”
“That isn’t what—”
“You need to leave.” I stopped. Her eyes flickered towards the fire, unable to face me.
“What?” I said, almost a whisper.
“You need to go now. Go back to whatever brought you here and leave.” 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tCVAgeezy
As much pain as I’d put myself through paled in comparison to this. My throat was being choked by invisible fists and my stomach burned fiercely.
“I’m not leavin’.”
“I don’t want you here.”
“Constantine, I’m not leavin’ you.”
She began to yell, sloppy and painful. “Get out, now!”
“I will not go!” I shouted back.
“But you did!!” she finally screamed, hands shaking like leaves and dagger near slipping out. “You left! You promised me!”
There were tears rolling down her face that she refused to acknowledge, and she could no longer look my way. The blade fell to the ground but her arms held their tensed state. And I suddenly realized I’d been crying too. Constantine lost herself in sobs and pulled herself farther and farther away from me and towards the window. My heart was racing and my fingers shook. The rest of my body was completely paralyzed. And all at once, I realized the depth of this moment and what I’d done. I had left just like her father, promising an easier life and disappearing into thin air.
She was bent over in shaking sobs, one hand latched onto a wall to keep balance.
“I spent every second of every day, “ I tried forcing out clearly, “regrettin’ what I’d done, Constantine. I…I know what I’ve done is too far from forgivable. But, I never, never meant to harm you. I just had to get us out of that house. I never meant—I never meant to…” But, I couldn’t finish. I was gasping for air.
I wanted to hold her. To feel something other than what I was then. But, she was shielded like ice. All I could do was wait until all our crying had been finished and we could catch our breaths. Even then, she blocked herself from seeing me. For several minutes, she looked at her hands, thinking, remembering something.
“Do you remember what I said the first night we walked into my father’s home?” she whispered, almost to herself. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDhcLMgSyJ
I stepped a little closer but stayed quiet.
“I said, this is the place where my life should’ve begun four years ago. This is the home I was promised as a child. And you smiled. And you took my hand and led me inside. And you said 'lives don’t begin because of what you have or where you are. They begin because of who you’re with'. But, I never stopped being scared. No one had stayed by my side because they wanted to in such a long time. But, when you proposed to me, I knew you’d never leave. My life was there so I could share it with you. And yours was there to share it with me. We didn’t need the world. We only needed each other.”
She looked down, almost smiling to herself. “Then, you started talking of earning money to make a better life but you would have to leave—only for a little while. I think I felt it then. You wanted more than I could ever give you. And I wasn’t angry. Why would I be? You fell in love with someone with working legs and a fiery spirit and a love of excitement. You didn’t deserve what you were left with. So, I let you go.”
“I am not your bloody father, Constantine.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because I wrote,” I snapped back. She lifted her head, looked at me. “I wrote to you every day I could. I was worried sick day and night. I thought you were dead, love."273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rXKlkaEPu
She had to look away again.
“I wrote every day, but you stopped writin’ back after I while. I began to realize how idiotic I’d been—how selfish I’d been. I was wrong, Constantine. But I will be damned if I’m ever compared to your asshole of a father. I was there every moment. I never really left.”
She was quiet and full of thought. She wiped leftover tears away with the back of her hand. When she finally spoke, her voice had turned rusty as if she hadn’t used it in years.
“A few months after you’d left, I stopped hearing from you. I didn’t know what to do. I’d guessed you’d finally forgotten about me and decided to enjoy a free life that you’d never had. I didn’t know that you…I didn’t know.
I laughed a little to myself. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihsZRzCI1V
She looked up at me. “What now?”
“I just can’t imagine it.”
“Imagine what?”
“Forgettin’ you.” I came close to her. This would’ve felt like dangerous territory a moment ago. In fact, she seemed quite terrified. But I just took her left hand and thumbed the little ring I’d given her what felt like millions of years ago. I lifted her hand close and kissed lightly. She looked at me again.
“I’ll never be anyone else’s,” I hummed softly, “And I swear to never leave you again, love. You are my home. I don’t need anything else. Just you.”
I gently brushed her cheeks and watched her eyelids flutter closed. I hadn’t felt this at peace in so long, and I never wanted it to end. The mix of cold air radiating from the windows and the crackling flames from the fireplace created this odd sense of euphoria that neither of us could escape from. Constantine smiled a bit and whispered, “Edmund.”
I broke the space between us finally. Every bit of tension and anger disappeared. I kissed her with a burning in my chest and a lightened head. Her hands slid along my hands, holding tight so I may never let go again. I certainly didn’t plan to. She was a storm I became caught in. And the burning didn’t stop but grew more desiring and ferocious. I played with the curls behind her neck, breaking the kiss to move to the soft skin along her neck and collarbone. She made the soft noises I loved to hear, the ones I craved. She smelled so sweet, like the fresh fruit from the marketplace and the lavender bushes planted outside the bookshop and something else—soap?
I bit down to hear her gasp and whimper.
“Edmund, please…” The breath in her chest swelled, pressing her breasts yearningly against me.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Louder.”
She reciprocated in no time, eagerly tugging at my shirt which I pulled over my head and tossed aside. She kissed me back and let her hands trail across my chest, my shoulders, and, eventually, down to the hem of my trousers.
“Love…” I moaned breathlessly.
But, suddenly, she stopped and pulled herself away.
“Did you hear that?” she whispered.
“No, not a thing,” I said, reaching back for her arms. But she was pulling her cloak back on. “Constantine.”
“I’m sorry, Edmund. We can’t now. I definitely heard something.”
I sighed to myself and began pulling my shirt back on. Then, I looked down to the warm ache below my hips and glanced back at her.
“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me, love.” 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMNmfFyILw
She looked too and smirked before putting out the fire.
“You’ll be just fine.”
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