I laid on my bed, in my bedroom as I stared up at the ceiling. I replayed Cyr's words over and over in my head, not wanting to forget them. I knew I should be calling Jaime right now and tell her that I finally asked Cyr the question and what he said but I can't seem to find myself calling her right now. It's like my whole world stopped.
***FLASHBACK
"Are you...straight or gay?"
Cyr just stood there and stared at me then smiled. "I'm the guy?"
I slowly nodded.
Cyr nodded too then spoke again. "I'm both."
I blinked my eyes in confusion. "Huh?"
"I'm both. I'm half gay and half straight. That makes me bisexual."
I nodded, feeling happy that I finally asked Cyr the question and also happy to know that he's interested in guys.
"Now, let me ask YOU a question."
I nodded. "Shoot."
"At lunch, you told me there was a guy in your class with black hair and green eyes and that you liked him. Is that guy...me?"
Uh oh. I completely forgot that I told Cyr that the person I wanted to ask the question to is the guy I have a crush on. Now he figured it out because I came out and asked him if he's straight or not. Now I wish I let Jaime ask him herself.
"Um..." I sighed. "Yes."
Cyr nodded. "Jonah, you're a really cool guy and I love hanging out with you," Cyr started.
Uh oh. I've been so focused on asking Cyr if he's straight or not, I completely forgot about the possibilities of being rejected.
"It's just...we just met and all. I think you're really cute and sweet but...I want to get to know you more. You know? I hate to hurt your feelings and I know I told you before that if the person you have a crush on rejects you, it's their loss. Well, i'm sorry. I guess I didn't expect you to like me. I thought you liked someone you knew for awhile." He explained.
I nodded.
Cyr sighed. "Anyways, don't think I don't want to be with you. I do. Just...not right now. You get me?"
I nodded again. I hadn't realized how much rejection could hurt. I watched as Cyr walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me.
"I'm really sorry, Jonah. I really am."
I sniffed and nodded. Cyr pulled away from me and smiled softly.
"Want me to walk you home?"
I shook my head. "You go first. I'll see you tomorrow."
Cyr nodded. "Alright. Bye." He said then started to walk away.
I stood there and watched as my dream boy leave me. Right before my very eyes.
***END FLASHBACK
"Wow. Heavy." Jaime said into the phone.
I eventually called Jaime after I got into the house. I told her everything. From me asking Cyr the question to him rejecting me.
"I'm sorry, Jonah. At least you asked and like Cyr said, it's his loss and he knows it."
I sniffed. "Yeah but, it's not his fault. He's right, we DID literately just met. I don't blame him for not having feelings for me as quick as I did for him. I guess deep down, i'm relieved I told him. But now, things might be awkward. I know our friendship isn't ruined but still." I said.
"I know and it's terrible and hard to try to keep being friends with someone you admitted your feelings to. I've been down that road plenty of times."
I sniffed again and wiped a single tear from my eyes.
"Good news is that he DOES want to like you. He just wants to get to know you more. So look on the bright side."
"I suppose. I don't mind waiting. It's just...I dunno. I really want him to like me now."
"I think you two need to spend more time alone and get to know each other more that way. Maybe you two can go see a movie or go eat at McDonalds or something." Jaime suggested.
"Yeah. Sounds like a plan. But," I sighed. "I'm not sure if i'm up for spending alone time with him right now."
"Understood. Just ask Cyr to hang out with you when you're ready. Rejection isn't easy to get over."
"Yep."
"Well, I gotta go. I have homework to do. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"
"Okay. Bye." I hung up.
I sighed then stared at my computer monitor. Your8-bitWorld.com is on the screen. I haven't logged in yet. I'm not really sure if I want to talk to anyone else but maybe I should. The website helps me escape the real world and right now, i'm in need of some escaping.
I hopped into my desk chair and signed on. I looked through my friends list to see who I can talk to. That's when I saw that one of my good friends online. Her name is Alli and she's from California. When i'm not talking to Cody, I normally talk to her. Especially when it's things like crushes and boy trouble. Of course I have Jaime to talk about that with but I just finished talking to her about Cyr.
I opened up an IM window box under her name and started to type up a message.
COMIKAZEWARS: hey, alli. there's trouble in paradise.
ALLIKAT: aww. what is it?
COMIKAZEWARS: i have a crush on this new boy at my school and i just told him how i felt about him today. he rejected me.
ALLIKAT: was he straight?
COMIKAZEWARS: no. he's bisexual. he said that we just met and because of that, he doesn't have feelings for me but he wants to get to know me more.
ALLIKAT: that's good. don't give up okay? there's no reason for someone to NOT like you.
I smiled. Alli always had something good to say when i'm having a bad day.
COMIKAZEWARS: thanks, alli. i should go. i have a lot of homework to complete.
ALLIKAT: okay! and remember to stay strong, young one.
I chuckled and typed a quick goodbye message.
COMIKAZEWARS: i will. bye for now!
I signed off then stood up and stretched. I grabbed my messenger bag from the corner and hopped on my bed. I might as well complete some homework. It'll take my mind off of things. As I started to work on my homework, I heard the front door open from downstairs.
"I'm home!" It was my mom.
"We're home!" And my little brother.
I got out of my bed and went downstairs. I watched my mom put bags of Chinese food down on the counter in the kitchen. She looked at me and smiled.
"Hey, sweetie. How was school?"
I shrugged. "It was alright. I have a lot of homework tonight."
Mom nodded. "Well, why don't you take a break and come eat?"
I shook my head. "I'm not in the mood to eat right now." I said then turned and started to walk towards the stairs.
"Jonah, come here."
I stopped and turned around. My mom walked over to me.
"What's wrong? Are you sick?" She asked as she held my head and looked into my eyes.
"No i'm just...i dunno."
"Did something happened at school? Did you get a bad grade on a test?"
I shook my head.
"Or maybe...is it a girl?"
I sighed and pulled away from my mom.
"Mooom."
She smiled. "So it IS a girl. Who is it? What happened?"
"Mom, i don't want to talk about it. I just got my heart stomped on."
Mom frowned and hugged me. "Oh sweetie. Just know that there are other pretty looking fish in the sea. You'll find the right girl soon enough."
I sighed. Yeah...a 'girl'.
I pulled away from mom and walked back upstairs to my room. I didn't think getting rejected was going to hurt me THIS much but it does. It hurts a lot. It feels like Cyr stomped on my heart over and over. I know he doesn't mean it but it still hurts.
I collapsed on my bed once I got to my room and stared up at the ceiling. Now I dread going to school tomorrow. I'm normally happy to go to school everyday and see Cyr but right now, I don't feel like seeing him or talking to him at all. Like Jaime said, it's HIS loss and I shouldn't really beat myself up over it.
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