Arya doesn’t understand the depths of the threat they both face. As Ihsan sits waiting in her room for her to return he hopes Malich does what he should’ve done a long time ago and let. Her. Go. Both of their Kingdoms depend on it whether she realizes it or not.
Several minutes pass before she reappears and there are tears in her eyes. She notices him sitting at the foot of her bed and quickly wipes the tears away. “It’s not appropriate for you to be here Ihsan.”
“It’s also not appropriate for you to visit the enemy while his soldiers ready to lay siege to your kingdom,” he fires back. “Or is being his paramour more important than being Queen to your people?” He tries and fails to keep the bite out of his tone. He doesn’t understand her. How could she love him?
Arya meets his gaze with pain in her eyes and he instantly regrets his temporary show of anger. “Is that why you’re here? To kick me when I am already down?” Arya asks. “To punish me for not choosing you?”
“Why bother? It’s not like my feelings make any difference to you. You’ve made that veryclear.”
He has no control over his tone now. He’s seethingwith anger. She isn’t the only one suffering here. “For what it’s worth, I truly am sorry,” Arya apologizes yet again.
“I’m not here for your apology, I’m here to implore you to thinkArya. If Malich’s brother gives the command, he won’t have a choice but to kill you whether he wants to or not. That’s the position he’s in. You cannot trust him and you cannotconfide in him.”
“He won’t hurt me. He loves me.”
“This isn’t about love, its politics. If we don’t take him out, he’ll turn on you. He won’t have a choice.”
Arya waves him off, taking off the Gods awful maids uniform she’s wearing. He starts to ask, but decides he’d rather not know. He learned a long time ago not to question how she did whatever it is she does when no one is looking.
The silence between them gives way to cooler heads. After shedding more tears she finally wipes them all away and schools her features into neutrality, going from lovesick girl in one breath, to Queen in the next. “Malich suggests I marry you to strengthen our Kingdoms,” she confides matter-of-fact.
Ihsan is surprised Malich would even make such a suggestion. He isn’t the type to give up when he wants something, but maybe he finally sees his impossible situation for what it is. He raises a brow at her; she seems to be giving their union more thought. His only grievance is it took Malich to talk some sense into her.
He has way too much control over her, he thinks to himself, clenching his teeth to smother his anger. Now it’s his turn to feign civility as he turns to Arya and says, “That’s an interesting turn of events.”
“Aye,” she nods.
They both fall silent for the longest time before Ihsan breaks the silence. “Does that mean you accept?” He asks. It’s unwise to hope when it comes to Arya, but he can’t help himself. It’s all he’s ever wanted since finding her alive.
Arya nervously bites her nails taking forever to answer, holding his heart in suspense, before she finally nods. “I accept.”
Excited, he allows one small kernel of hope to blossom. Ihsan’s no fool though, he knows simply agreeing to his proposal doesn’t mean it will happen. He needs to win her heart again. Arya isn’t the type to just jump into things, she has to be persuaded and won. Most importantly, he needs to break Malich’s hold on her.
“Thank you,” he inclines his head. Now he must appeal to her emotional circumstance if he’s going to convince her to be open to him. “I know your acceptance of my proposal doesn’t mean you love Malich any less and I’ll respect whatever boundaries or terms you wish to have. We will go at your pace; all I want is a chance…a chance for us to get to know each other again without the weight of the past hanging over both our heads. I want this to be a clean slate.”
Relief shines in her eyes and she nods. If Ihsan’s fling with Navi has taught him anything, it’s that making someone responsible for your happiness is a quick way to end things. Navi made him responsible for hers and now they can barely look at one another. He never wanted to be her everything, he wanted to be her equal and to share that experience with her, no strings or guilt attached. He would give that to Arya. No strings, and no guilt about the past or her relationship with Malich.
“As much as I’d like to stay, I know you need your space, so I’ll go,” Ihsan turns to leave.
“No, don’t.” Arya shakes her head. “If we’re to get to know each other again we can’t do it apart.”
Smiling, Ihsan nods. He motions for them to head back out onto the terrace because being in her bedchamber keeps bringing his mind back to one thing.
Once out on the terrace, Ihsan fills her in on everything that happened to him after Malich tore them apart. She listens silently, wincing whenever his words became too painful to hear.
Ihsan tells her about how he remained broken for at least two cycles thinking she was dead, while Navi helped put him back together. Eventually he learned she was still alive, but Malich was clever. He sent Ihsan to train with the Alumni and it wasn’t meant to be a reward. Malich hoped promoting him to alumni would kill him. Arya shed a few tears as he described those cycles in great detail. The broken bones, lacerations, and near death experiences he’d been subjected to from being thrown into the role of Alumni too soon. It’s Mekhi who came to his rescue.
No matter how bad things got during one of his missions, he always came back. Mekhi realized how valuable an asset he was and began private sessions with him. Ihsan excelled quicker than any other student Mekhi had and he earned the nickname Reaper for his talent of walking out of impossible missions alive. He did it for Arya…to get back to her.
Hearing what he went through Arya realizes she was his hope all those cycles…his motivation. Everything he did, he did for her.
“I didn’t know,” she swallows hard.
“How could you? He told you I was dead and he hid the truth from you.”
“How can you not hate me for choosing him?” She asks, guilt and shame written all over her face. It’s a fair question, but he doesn’t have an answer for her yet.
“I don’t blame you Arya, I blame him. You were raised to follow his every command, we both were. I can’t fault you for that.”
“Yes, but knowing the horrible things he’s done, I still love him. Even now…he’s married, expecting an heir, and my thoughts are still of him. It’s pathetic really. Of all the men in the world to fall in love with, I never expected Malich Jarrah. Most times, I still can’t believe it.”
“That makes two of us,” Ihsan huffs a laugh. “But I could see it in his eyes when his interests in you became something more. His jealousy towards me began to show itself more and more as the cycles passed. It went from subtle hints at his affection for you to blatant harsh words and actions that let me know I was in trouble long before he tore us apart. Ironically, I think his feelings for me conflicted him about as much as his feelings for you. Even with all of the beatings and all of the dangerous charges he forced me on, he couldn’t bring himself to just kill me.”
“That sounds a lot like Malich Jarrah,” Arya nods, “His bark has always been worse than his bite. He needs someone like Dax to do what he can’t. To kill mercilessly like the soldiers he collects.”
“Remember when you and Lumi went to him, speech in hand, ready to fight for the Red Dragons’ right to have feasts and a ball held in our honor? You two wanted to inject some excitement into what you so boldly called our mundane existence. You made a damn good argument too. Malich folded before the two of you could even finish, although I suspect it had more to do with him hoping you’d finally put on a dress,” Ihsan chuckles, glancing sidelong at her, a smile on his face. His brown eyes rake over her before he pulls them away. “For all of your planning you failed to realize I didn’t have anything nice or formal to wear. So you stole some of Malich’s clothes and gave them to me. I had no idea where they came from until he gave me this look. He would’ve beaten me right then and there if you hadn’t come to my rescue.”
A laugh escapes her lips. “I told everyone there that Malich was so generous he offered you a pair of his clothes for the occasion,” she continues the story.
Ihsan picks back up where she left off. “That night I kissed you for the first time and it nearly cost me my life.”
They both take a deep breath and exhale, allowing the memories of that period to wash over them. Arya laces her fingers with his and she meets his gaze. “You deserve better than me.”
“I deserve what I want and what I want is you.”
“How will your kingdom handle our betrothal?” Arya asks. “Last I checked the Seelie and Unseelie Courts aren’t exactly allies. Our Courts despise one another.”
“My people understand that alliances have to be made for the greater good, as will yours.”
“A lot of our citizens are going to die before this war is over.” Ihsan nods. Not everyone will make it back alive, but he’s been training his soldiers since he won back his crown. They’re as ready as any alumni soldier Malich can conjure up. “I won’t ask Lumi, Rayu or Jax to fight for us. These soldiers we’re fighting used to be our family.”
Again Ihsan nods. He respects her decision to spare them from this battle. There will be enough blood shed by the time this war ends.
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