Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHXlhQocgC
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyWk1PJ80J
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n24DXvz5Q
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBx96hE1GG
Her face remains serene.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2mM7U0163
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfazZyoLNz7
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZPRd29MRT
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw74SpRAeQ
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DpLubzPhH
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgU0laZVOSM
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYQss8r7Bg
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAFGRYvkD2
This should have been her beginning.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt6encBcX1
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrSdglv6W2
*/*/*816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHRlNyyjOs
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSP1fCk9KUp
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxLumPjbYC
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ea4C5BbP7
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVED2NQr4o
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mBE21GzyP
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvr7fvPDGA
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VW1yFupnQ
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgyZaVjFX4
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfV6G24i3TN
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7NtpMxpFd
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GHq34ckcI
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ywBgBhciK
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwILZ24id0X
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcowEMdLrq
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5I5SEdatJ
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EWZpDBAuj
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxERfBXnUHT
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCda5mOnBw
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1oVmfPLWj
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8mD9dbieP
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLNelbtvSY
*/*/*816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hvzOj5YtE
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUteEVbv0T
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCbl2M7WuW
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3ufASJTGw
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7osaiHZ88
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGD2DY8Deu
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc3ee5kIA7
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rizsCJ7yt
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmMIiqm0B2
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2TgzRh8n1
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0ZAwcx1ks
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeX8eRWN5yA
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8Z2kP0vue
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y7kzAoHVO
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTUoMH6mT3
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY7tHehfuB
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYCBwNxGU8
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8BkEPXrXR
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kupqmdQHQ
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5zPEAAUUB
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhEWbESa6w
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGylCU9Btp
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ228922GwRm
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZf75WCx870
*/*/*816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXXmIMRzAq
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCru7lKcG8
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniKzxk0Otq
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfdRhWAPqX
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQXyVh3Zbe
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pJFXghONn
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEskixXepU
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ2N3TYg2q
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7GStbmC9X
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2csYmhERd
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozfeszbDzF
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLeYXEmINu
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73iIuboGhM
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3qVJyF3u3
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXGpwbUK9w
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2EwiFZwXU
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH7cJCyQNA
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDv3x6cW1X
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hsmgRlT5F
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZk0UfsbMm
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJpffnKc3D
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RaU1cIYvO
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLnUdqBIev
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*/*/*816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE00enrCuCo
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfoP3ZesE8
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WrSAZgU91
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdMHsyDh47
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq9JB1DPX5
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgheZmn32g
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcB326xv8Ax
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNJl3Jkwcj
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwixfG6RWl
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas2uMlDnVe
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlvs32qZ0m
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0g5RUNaZjv
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dCeNAIHXG
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*/*/*816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuLWpmEpWN
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskESE7H74r
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kiVGwtPoF
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFFnmd3zpl
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT12e2DpaL
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N6Ay8RiNF
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3ECgulKZw
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBmJs64vaU
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkTKOg4ANe
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrItRPffyT
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5Yar4VSFP
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY79ZrDs9Di
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTu3yDrMOP
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJuF7PxxyR
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHcznPWxNR
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWjrryahwc
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagV4iKiRGi
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkdX7jEE77
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WvJkrt6Sm
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9dgJ8sRE0
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX34IinnQy
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdALyhtDn6
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQRZmbw8eC
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFHhVN6VFM
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHybbGg3cJ
816Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpz89jSDj0
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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