Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLPUQEfmYE
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGzf9wJv4M
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E8H7I5XIW
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZVoebNmJF
Her face remains serene.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikNb9KcfZN
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmTAVjFyyg
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWvFKpeTSx
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbvYpkPCca
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaD62ydXMo
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaIN242kdi
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmlyw4uU58
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwtAEljAo4
This should have been her beginning.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHoW342zEr
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBM2m0wmGA
*/*/*795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wlL1wG5OP
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8hjsNZJBK
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVpJgbajrB
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoeBYVfSl8
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p0AYIUI9K
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z0EZUyCPn
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMHyYmcBUn
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTZ1cB2ZAc
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9PaTbQ1sD
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfT5zuZ5BM
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTKmRf9C0B
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRdJpJFMA3
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjLTG7LxQp
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooXnj4OMEO
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtOKJshVQ3
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WLj8PZ4zB
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsQ2EaNTKm
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzK8Jhpvcz
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBBLxn0LNh
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfHDQNkueM
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnyuJ0If6M
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuF15anRAD
*/*/*795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdASQj2FzqX
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7DUXQipNB
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO3mYPQEH0
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7MeQNgXx6
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE7o1EsUzS
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QHBpMCbi2
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7YpAgqfg8
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcT4XiWLhGH
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv0ox4gGCh
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6kmq5iBkR
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpORQorol9
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qgNsPIshJ
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqSHhFoW4x
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdxcbaMitf
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR27VhdYZDD
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfVnHJN7iP
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrMhk2zh44
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBF8NHbM7T
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIP3i6xJJi
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUIT7FD6qi
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcqziPYVDG
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBriPvvEIF
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN8RY94SKg
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56QPldhxo4
*/*/*795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqftfjm5D5
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaOtKU1LUa
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCZAXj6qpo
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4JRlhCYkl
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdOG87DrGE
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EL7BU6ON1
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzeGMvXSeE
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfxb5Hdfou
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcResr31hF
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkPUI0WZwA
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaNSZfbj1h
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3iZzB2XP7
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQTDRc9GAH
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubFnyiUFAq
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKiSTkUwK2
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuXmK92QRJ
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNnlWu0rSB
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vJeVfffPh
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2720byu63
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT2mtrcNA1
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvLX95rVr6
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcD9zhomol
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUa1Nf551qo
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lnqozObKu
*/*/*795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPBZhvJsAt
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjacal4f6bF
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHBiTFPNP8
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNDtDvfDtm
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTP15C74JJ
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEn6flSrBB
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44TOsGXpbV
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiXeJjwzDS
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFD0f3DW5g
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzHFLW6ARz
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrmdiwxO8v
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFflwY2TPiJ
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVnxHptbyd
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrv2DZAfVC
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKq2euxpAi
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeh6GTRTqwS
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV3XgFFI0Y
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdcucsavHp
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSJSLBkBkP
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdYNm69fnV
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIZSEJlnKI
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ509kfHQBEH
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ex2AY8rvD
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65LPFt1QpD
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbGacEi2fh
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjDdcBYami
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXlaMt1nkQ
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8Bu7i9tz4
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLIEPrQjcQ
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkKnPyP4Vj
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWqAnHX6Et
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCDbHLwQe6
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxGrDA3mPy
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiYhkX15pq
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYjDxSzQK9
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dpVYyaaPi
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraYaTp3W11
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRTmAzKJaG
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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